Friday 11 April 2014

Strange Affairs of the Heart

Is it synchronicity or just a lucky coincidence when you find out one morning that one of your beloved horses has a heart issue, then later that day, you randomly grab a book to read on route to the train station, to find it's all about the heart, energy, chi, love and awareness?

The "untethered soul" appeared today just when I needed it.  It helped me shift from devastated and fearful to hopeful and strangely calm.


I have decided that Solar Sue's heart condition will be treated with healing, love, and visualisations to help her release whatever it is that needs to be cleared.   I must be honest, I don't yet know what is her 'condition'.  All I know is that on Monday when I booked my vet to take her bloods (to find out if there was some underlying cause of her weight loss) he found an abnormality in her heart beat.  I listened too, and it scared me to death!

Between Solar Sue and Essy I am finally coming to a conclusion that their 'illnesses' which seem always to break the norms according to the vets, is a message for me!  I seem to be on a journey with them to either learn a lot about non-veterinary methods, or learn the wonder of miracles and a horses ability to nudge back towards health.  The concept of 'less is more' is at the forefront of my mind and could be applied to many aspects of my life not just my horses health.

At the heart of this new sense of  'direction', captured I hope through Essy's Blog, is a foundation stone of self-healing, trust, waking up, peacefulness, acceptance and gratitude. I don't have a handy label for all that but maybe in time one will come (if needed).

Here's what I was reminded of as I read two chapters of the Untethered Soul on the train on Monday:

We live with a certain amount of fear - that's normal.  Fear generated from our thoughts and feelings.

We know that when certain things happen our fears can be triggered and flare up.

We get  totally absorbed in our inner world of thoughts and feelings that we end up living life on 'auto-pilot' ( a subject of previous posts on this blog).

Our thoughts, beliefs, memories - all require energy,  to create them, store them, re-live and re-play them.

This inner energy doesn't come from food, diet, or sleep - it comes from being in love, being afraid as examples. 

It is internal within us, which means it is available to us anytime, anyplace.


So far so good, but what does all this mean?  Why did this calm me down about Solars heart?

What if we all have the ability to open or block access to this inner source of energy?  What if, we block it every time we close our heart or our mind?  What if every time we deny our instincts, our passions, our desires, we are shutting up shop, so to speak?  Over time would you expect your heart to be strong, youthful, healthy?



When Margrit visited Essy on March 1st  this year, (one year after they first met) one of the first things he told her was 'how Solar's energy had returned'.  What if most of last year when Solar had not been fully herself - her heart was closed, hence her energy down?  

How would I have recognised the symptoms?  How would I have known this was going on inside her? What could I have done?

I think that until we are ready to face the answers to these questions, the only answer available to us is ... "we can't"... not yet!

For example, as a comparison with last year - I only recently (2 weeks ago) purchased  The Untethered Soul.  Last year my blog was not where it is today in terms of its messages of awakening.  Last year I didn't have the results for Essy's nose bleeds and didn't know that we would be heading into a land where the vets can't actually treat his hematoma,  leaving me with no choice (other than doing nothing), than to pursue non veterinary prescribed routes.

None of this was in my reality.  I couldn't have answered any 'what if' questions at that stage.



To return to Solar Sue and her heart.  Last summer I was worried about Solar - her weight fell off, she stopped eating hay, she was quiet and stood by the gate during the day.  She would nicker deeply into my stomach when I walked at her side - like a protective brood mare to her foal, which made no sense to me at all.

Then when we moved yards in October 2013, she seemed to bounce back to life.  She has been perky, active, full of life and her coat has gleamed all winter.  Her eye is sparkly and only her weight loss has been a worry.   I hope I can be forgiven for thinking we were 'getting back on track'.



So, to return to the thoughts that spoke to me from the book I grabbed, I began to question what is the link between our minds, our hearts and this inner energy source?  I'll try to explain...

We are blocked when we are depressed.
We are open when we are happy.
We are blocked when we are afraid.
We are open when we are in love.

When happy or in love we tend to feel in a good mood, almost constantly!  We are trusting towards others, we even reveal our vulnerabilities to them. However, as soon as the romance or happy glow wares off because something bad happens, or our lover says something unkind, we begin to be on guard.  We begin to withdraw or hold back.  We wait.  We self protect.  This feeling and our subsequent behaviours can deepen rapidly as we begin to notice other things that upset us, hurt us or sadden us.  Suddenly all we notice is the rubbish stuff in life, all around us, wherever we look, and we feel fed up, tired, disengaged and demotivated. Now, even getting out of bed can feel like an effort, 'why bother', we ask ourselves?

This is what can happen when we close our mind to a person, object, situation, place or possibility, and our heart and energy follow accordingly.   For some, it could become an easy comfortable and familiar place to rest a while! Perhaps Solar found herself in such a place last year, for whatever reason.


Equally, one great hack on our horse, one smile from a handsome stranger, one piece of unexpected good news and we begin to feel ourselves bounce back!  We get a smile back on our face, we expect a car parking space to open up for us and it does, and life is good again!

No magic pills, diet or vaccination - mind, heart and energy all begin to open back up or close down, based on our thoughts and feelings.

From Yoga we know that the heart is an energy centre or chakra. Who is to say that our horses don't experience a similar cycle of thoughts, feelings, and energy surge or slip?  A closed heart and low energy could easily result from depression, anxiety, physical pain, abuse, containment, loneliness, overwork,  etc. 

Is that possible in a horse? I believe so.  

Is it probable?  Why ever not? 

After all aren't horses supposed to be even more sensitive that us humans?

They are more finely tuned to nature, their five senses are more powerful, they have a physicality that is tuned into every aspect of nature not just what they can see or hear or smell or touch?  They sense our moods, our thoughts, our fears.  They pick up on our heart beat, any source of disease and emotional upset.  Hardly the characteristics of hardened beast of burden and nothing more!


From Solar's visit with Margrit 12 months ago, there were things that suggested she felt a sense of loss for horse friends she is no longer in touch with.  A sense of dependence upon others in her life to stay in her life.  In my words ' a sensitive soul living for love'.

As I reflect on the last 12 months, she has had the least of my time, energy and attention.  Both Essy and Grace had health issues last year from May onwards.

Now, it is her time and she has waited long enough.

I do believe that 'you have to be the change you want to see' and the Untethered Soul has helped encourage me to question where I might need to focus my attention, thoughts, feelings and energy in order to help Solar.  Specifically I wondered: 

'how much love do I want Solar to feel from me?' 
 Answer: Masses!  All the love I can muster, so I must be conscious of that.

'how much am I giving off an energy that says to her, I am enjoying life, you can too?' 
Answer:  I have good days and bad days - so I need to be aware of which it is when around her!

'how much JOY do I show her I am feeling when I'm in her company?'
Answer: I've not actually thought about it like that, till now!



Bottom line  is that to feel love, enthusiasm, joy etc. or not, is a choice we all have. We can decide to be open or elect to be closed.  We just don't know we have this choice or that it is so simple!  We aren't taught it.  We don't stop to think about it and when we do it's either too simplistic to be credible or too deep to fathom! 

For Solar Sue, while I wait for veterinary input into a possible diagnosis, prognosis etc of her heart problem, I have decided to CHOOSE to be OPEN.  I have begun to offer her Bergamot and Rose Otto essential oils, I have sat quietly in a meditative pose in her stable to visualise her heart and energy opening, and clearing.  I have worked with the red light on her heart meridian and ordered specific herbs for her heart - arriving on Monday.

... (I had to do something)!



As I've assembled my oils, light and myself for an evening 'healing' session with her (that's my term for it) she has stood at liberty, breathing deeply, eyes closing.  Two nights ago she kept turning her head into my tummy and doing her soft, deep nicker from last year, that I still don't understand but which moved me to tears.  

The bond of love a human can feel towards a horse is utterly without word or expression, but somehow tears seem to capture it well.

I do believe that together she and I are doing some good for her future and beginning to heal whatever needs to be healed and clear whatever needs to be cleared. I have a feeling I have more to learn and my horses will be showing me the way. As we take that road to 'I don't know where' I want to give Solar new positive impressions for her heart to balance against any stored up old indentations that she may be holding onto.

Please wish us luck on the way!

A quote from The Untethered Soul:

"Unending inspiration, unending love, and unending openness. 

That is the natural state of a healthy heart"  

 

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