If I had 3 wishes I would use up only 1;
"for adults to retain the attitude of a child throughout our lives"
As someone who has never chosen to have children of my own it might seem strange to learn that I have a deep affection for what they stand for. Not the survival of the human species (I'm past worrying about that being a planet given entitlement), but because of their honesty.
I love the unbridled enthusiasm and excitement of children, the ease with which they giggle, their active imagination and their untainted self belief and optimism about their future. Children love to dream about 'what they want to be when they grow up' believing they can be whatever they wish!
What a gift and for some those dreams come true!
When I was a child I wanted to ride horses professionally when I grew up. That was all I wanted, although I believe I also had a brief stint wanting to be an astronaut then a trapeze artist. Both soon fell from glory returning me back to the safety of horses.
Today I no longer want to work with horses. I have horses whom I admire and am so proud of and never do I want to think of it as work. Nor is riding them holding as much importance these days.
It is with humans that I feel the need to continue to work with. Only then can I be of service to horses beyond my daily reach and remit. Just think of all the people you have come across or heard about who abuse horses intentionally or otherwise, knowingly or not, in public or in private. Imagine if we could reduce the number of incidents dramatically, or eradicate it totally? How much better off would the world be, for horses?
In an earlier blog (cumupense and just deserts) I inserted two videos of natural horsemen/women at their worst; not living their values and not leading by example. I've been wondering how does this happen and why?
In short, the answer seems to lie in unbridled hurt and pain experienced early in life, that if left unhealed and unresolved shows up time after time in adult life as anger, rage and shame. The worry is that before any unsuspecting 'equine guru' even realises how angry or full of shame they are - they have done the unspeakable and let it out towards an innocent horse. Sometimes this is a by product of our Ego (but must not be mistaken as applying only to men).
The known problems with ego include:-
- most of us don't know what or where inside us it it
- we don't know what its purpose is so we fear or deny its existence
- we don't seek help to take it off auto-pilot and onto manual drive and in our control - how can we if we resist or deny it's existence in the first place?
Once we get to grips with these issues, ego ceases to run your life, which means that strong emotions like shame, anger or rage can surface with more notice, giving us time to chose our response to it and let it out in a safe and respectful manner, if appropriate.
To give some quick guidance on the above questions of Ego - it is inside all of us, not some of us. Where it hangs out isn't that important. In my experience its in every cell and fibre of our being and is a summation of our life's experiences especially from our early childhood years. It's purpose is actually simple and noble - it is to keep us safe and help us survive the early years of life. It teaches us for example how to behave in order to stay safe in a violent household, even if that results in denying our right for freedom of expression, being invisible and hiding ourselves away.
Our ego keeps us safe so that we can survive. The problem is that often as adults, the techniques it learnt that served us well as children, tend to have negative consequences in adult life. Who wants to live with someone whose a black belt at giving you the 'silent treatment' or who flits between passive and passive-aggressive behaviours? No-one. Least of all ourselves. Yet we feel unable to behave differently because, after all, our ego thinks it's in charge and its priority mission is to keep us safe by doing what it's always done!
Would you give up such an important job without a fight, after decades of practise and responsibility?
We can learn to work with our ego, connecting with it as a real part of ourselves (with a voice and age and emotions), re-connecting with it during times when it saved our skin as youngsters, through memory. We can re-write it's role in life and lessening it's power over us by changing the ending of unhappy memories, painful as they are to re-visit at the time. We can learn to regard our ego with compassion not blame, with understanding not criticism, fear or shame. See him/her as a vital part of us not an embarrassment to shun. After this, we are more able to respectfully turn the volume down on him/her when shes all we can hear BEFORE she splatters the person in front of us with her years of suppressed venom!
I have come to believe that many people who work with horses, or the disabled, mentally ill, or children in social care are actually not in a mental state to do so. I wish it were different. Maybe I am simply a victim of the media's frenzied attention to the rising incidences of neglect and abuse that are popularised. Or, maybe I sense that those who did not experience enough love and safety as children seek out the very same unloving, insecure environments as adults believing whats familiar is therefore safe!
Its a classic case of the blind leading the blind. How else are so many victimised children visited by social workers and yet the dangers never seen until its too late?
When it comes to working with horses, some will argue that the comparison with abused children or the mentally ill is hardly a valid one. I guess it depends what fires your sense of moral outrage and despair. Every cause needs its champions and if Ghandi's view of civilisation lay in its conduct towards animals, we should consider if the future of our children or the mentally ill, is in safe hands at all!
"The greatness of a nation and its morale progress can be judged
by the way it's animals are treated"
- Mahatma Gandhi
If like me you tend not to have heroes, it can still be alarming when those who get close to such a heady height fall from grace with a bang. It's not that we expect perfection, but we do expect humility and when appropriate an apology.
Knowing when to apologise is a mark of being an adult it's a reflection of our willingness to take full responsibility. I am sickened and saddened when videos are released showing horses being harmed, shaken up, frightened by humans. I feel bereft when the perpetrators fail to apologise and admit their ego got the better of them. It might not change my respect for them or their work but it would restore my hope that they do at least know better, right from wrong!
We are all guilty of moments of weakness, folly or showing off. Humans of both sexes and all ages seem to find it easy to resort to dominating someone/thing smaller or with less freedom than ourselves. Is this to be our legacy? Is this how we apply our intellect, reasoning, and problem solving skills?
I no longer buy into excuses about us playing out our prey instincts. Bull shit! We have evolved way beyond hunter gatherer instincts and if we haven't can we please stop telling ourselves we have! We either have or we haven't. I think its time we took a long hard look at the evidence on both sides.
It would be arrogant of me to spell out what we should do when we are exposed to acts of cruelty, unchecked anger or bullying. Doing nothing no longer seems a tenable option. Humanity seems to be drowning under a sea of rage and mistreatment, wars and torture. The problem isn't getting better and our desire for sensationalising the stories seems callous and barbaric.
What Can I do?
- The call to action is simply to do something or say something if you witness acts of cruelty.
- Stay calm, stay respectful to the situation, but don't just turn your back.
- Put yourself in the place of the guru, the horse, the horse's owner a year from now when he/she realises the harm inflicted on her horse.
- Call a "halt", get people talking, create a pause, for everyone to breath.
- Ask a question, to break the emotional state in play.
...There is so much we can do without really doing much at all.
Above all, don't be like the Hans Christian Anderson Tale and go along with everyone else just because the person in the arena is called Pat, Monty or the Queen of England!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reference Note: The Emperor's New Clothes is a short tale by Hans Christian Andersen about two weavers who promise an Emperor a new suit of clothes that is invisible to those unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent. When the Emperor parades before his subjects in his new clothes, a child cries out, "But he isn't wearing anything at all!"
I so agree!!! xx
ReplyDelete