Sunday, 16 February 2014

Confessions of a Conscious Coward

In the Bible, book of John we find the immortal words:

Let him who is without sin among you 

be the first to throw a stone at her.”



It is easy (for some of us) to be critical of others.  We can spend a lifetime perfecting the art of pulling others ways or ideas apart.  The question is do we have an alternative to offer?  Do we have the self awareness to recognise when to use this ability and when to turn it off? Above all,  can we create as well as destroy

I want to explore the concept of cowardice in light of my recent blog citing equine trainers and gurus for not always walking their own talk (cumupense and just deserts).  Whilst I do believe we (any of us) have a duty to call 'foul play' at such events as shown in the videos I included in the post, it does not feel entirely honourable exposing others without their presence to reply.

Since writing it I have been pondering if calling foul behind someones back (so to speak) constitutes cowardice?



A coward as defined by the dictionary, is "a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person".  

....so in the case of earlier blogs; NOT GUILTY !   

However is it as simple as that?

I do lack courage when facing difficulty (not pain or danger) but as an example, in writing "cumupense and just deserts" I struggled to watch the two videos I wanted to upload, before attaching them.  They are simply too difficult to watch.

One of the videos had first come into my awareness during a lunch conversation on January 31st.  I made a note to go and watch it and blog about it.  Ten days later I still had not viewed it or even looked it up even though I had not forgotten about it.  Then the same video link appeared in front of me (complete with you tube link to facilitate my viewing), this time from another source entirely and suddenly I realised it was time I had a look!

My cowardice lies in the fact that I have a massive problem watching any form of abuse.  Films with rape scenes, TV adverts by the RSPCA or RSPCC.  I want to save everyone small, helpless and defenseless and it eats away at me that I can't.  As a child I hated going to the Zoo always wanting to set all the animals free.  I even struggle knowing what to do for the best when a baby elephant lands at me feet on holiday! To go over and offer my love and gentle touch, encouraging his capture in the first place, or walk by and live with the empty feeling in my heart from a moment of connection; lost?



It is probably no surprise that I can identify all too easily from my own past experience, with the feelings of being defenseless, hence the very raw horror it creates for me if re-living it through others; (fiction or otherwise)!  I've never even watched War Horse or The Horse Whisperer and I'm supposed to be consuming all things horsey to have an educated rounded opinion!  So, Coward? Yes, perhaps I am...

"Guilty as charged!"

At times I've had to ask myself if I'm choosing to ignore these things to pretend they don't exist hoping they will go away or do I simply lack the back bone to deal with it?  Maybe there's another option which is once I know about something I'm not the sort that can let it rest there.  Yet what can I do to help animals that are not within my care or jurisdiction?  How much trouble do I need to go looking for and what more can I reasonably expect to take on?  The answer (for me) lies in working with humans not horses per say! (See blog Emperors New Clothes for more about what I mean).

When facing adversity through another's loss, my brave side emerges.  When faced with a loss of my own, it slinks away.  I hope and expect that I will model my own advice  (in The Emperors New Clothes) and do one of the 5 things I list there if I am ever to be a witness to horse cruelty, violence or abuse in the future.  I am confident I will as I have gone too far to turn back in acknowledging my values, and in understanding the rights of a horse.

I have been lucky in my life to not be subjected to witness many instances of cruelty, or abuse towards horses.  One in my polo career so far which isn't bad given the lack of compassion and horse welfare that can surround that particular discipline.

Witnessing first hand or via others experiences, cruelty on any level should raise important questions such as "what can we do differently, what is a better option, besides walking away or remaining silent?"  None of which help the animal or help the offending individual.

It is by thinking about such matters that we are lead to alternative horse training and methods of care.  Over the years I have chosen to explore the teachings of Monty Roberts and Pat Parelli and Mark Rashid, Jenny Rolf,  to see what they had to offer instead of violence. 

However, whether or not I am a rigid disciple of their teachings believing their every word (and I do not), they have all opened up the possibility of other ways 'beyond old school thinking' such as:

"Don't let him get the better of you"
 or 
"She's testing me"!
or
"Show her who is boss"
or
"He's really arrogant"

(All quotes that I have personally heard rational adult business women say when describing theirs, mine or another's horse)

It would be foolish to throw the baby out with the bathwater! Meaning, because we have evidence that Pat Parelli or another guru isn't as self aware as one wishes, or operating with as much integrity as we had hoped, doesn't mean that some of his teachings and concepts are no longer valid.

Back to my earlier blog (cumupense and just deserts) - we have to be discerning and evaluative and not be lemmings falling off the proverbial cliff!  We should take what works, what makes sense for us and our horse, and fits with our values, then dump the rest!  Don't set ourselves up for a fall by believing the next horse guru is the Messiah or you may as well take equine lessons from Russell Brand!




Humans seem to act (around horses) as if their very life depends on having the upper hand.  Perhaps from in the saddle we are right to be fearful of danger, falls and injury.  But, then my advise in times of danger, is, and always has been,  "get out of the saddle"!  Don't sit up there shouting, kicking and flapping, adding to the horses' belief that there is something to fear!  Get off!  Calm down, be safe, and set an example to your horse and others.  There's always later to get back on if you wish!

The evidence is all around us of the true nature of a horse; kind, gentle, forgiving.  They seek a peaceful, quiet harmonious life.  We rarely offer that with our gadgets, demands, expectations, loud radios, shrill voices, impatience and lack of time to do anything with heart and understanding, whilst answering our phones!

Books are plentiful that depict the Horse as the gentlest and noblest of creatures, with the power to kill us with a single kick, and the self restraint, to not do so!  There is not one book (to my knowledge) that writes about the Horse as a Killer Machine.   Not one book listing out the case studies and examples of deliberate attempts made by horses to destroy human life, terrify us in our sleep, or pulverise us to a pulp.


Personally, I have heard (last year) of one case where a polo pony in the UK did apparently set upon a man in a small stall and left him unconscious in a very bad way.  I know nothing more of the details and credentials behind the event.  Once in over 40 years of being around horses is not compelling evidence in my mind.   There will be other stories I am sure.  The point however remains, they do not go through life on 'auto kill' mode, but they can be a danger when provoked (such is the nature of a prey animal) - and if left in the hands of a very mean spirited human after years of institutionalised fear and abuse.  Hardly the fault of any horse in such a situation!

I am reading a book by Joe Camp (Born Wild) and it's proving a tough read in parts.  It cites the illegal operation of the Bureau of Land Management (BLM) in the USA rounding up and containing 50,000 wild Mustang and Burros (many going to Mexico for slaughter) simply to provide profiteering ranchers better access to land for their cattle.  The actions and motive of this organisation whose sole purpose is to enforce the Wild-Free Roaming Horse & Burro Act of 1971  (protecting the wild Mustangs and preserving their right to graze on the land in perpetuity), is both illegal, immoral and inhumane.  Yet it continues as I write and it enrages me and overwhelms me.



Wonderful people exist in the USA to try to stop the BLM's actions.  Slowly they make progress.  The stories, however, inside the book of eye witnesses haunt me and have occupied every cell in my brain since reading them.   I rest my case in front of the jury and plead guilty yet again, to finding such events an emotional struggle.  I am a coward in delaying what I must do... read on and finish the book.

In writing this blog I have developed my own belief about what Cowardice is.  I believe that it takes so many forms: confusion, selfishness and sometimes a heavy weight of responsibility.  It can also be born out of strong principles that support life, living, loving and harmony. Take as an example men who refused to go to war for their country.

I am sure most of us know the feeling of 'wanting to get off the bus' some days and give up. Cowardice can be part of our every day occurrence. 

Let him who is without sin among you 

be the first to throw a stone at her.”

 

I have  and continue to sin, on a daily basis as follows...!

I believe I am the only one who can look after my horses to the standard I expect and they deserve.  This can at times be a heavy burden to bear.  Yet I can not find refuge from this feeling.

I live with constant confusion around what is best for my horses as I try to fulfil their needs without simply turning them wild!  Trying to understand who to believe and why do so many horses chose to stand in their stalls when given freedom to roam, when so many experts tell us they will not!

I am selfish in trying to decide do I put my horses inner 'evolutionary ' needs above my own well-being, if the former means less of the latter?  Choosing not to give my horses 24/7 turn out because it means I can't get to see them daily does feel selfish.  The reality is that should something happen to one of them, or should they be stolen from the field - the weight of that burden would be totally all consuming.  I have no semblance of thought about how I could survive either.



Personally speaking, there is no doubt I am intimidated every day of my life (part of the definition of a coward),  by my own research into horse care, by not knowing which way to turn, by confusion and lack of a crystal ball!  So, I am a coward.

There is stuff I shay away from (decisions, watching videos of cruelty, scary films etc.), yet it feels more than simply being afraid.  It is a reluctance to put oneself in a certain situation. For me that is a situation of extreme guilt, hurt or regret.

On the up side, most of us are without a jury judging our actions, and are without penalty for poorly made choices.  Happiness; 'a life full of love and laughter', or the absence of it is a big enough deterrent to moving forward, add to that the worry of letting your horse down, and its a wonder any of us get out of bed each day!

So I invite you to join me in a place of 'conscious cowardice' - determined to be brave more often than not, yet wise enough to know better!


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