Musical Fields...

Bank Holiday Monday began with a 07:30 am call from the yard!  "Don't worry" said Chelsea... "everyone is alright, it's just that your horses have been reading your mind..."

For the last 3 years since Grace joined us, I've dreamt of having the three of them turned out together; believing herd life to be more harmonious for horses, and hating Grace being turned out on her own.

I've had a couple of opportunities (paddocks being large enough) but I've chickened out at the last moment each time.

My two big fears being; someone would get injured and "2's company; 3's a crowd"  and hating the idea of one of them being exiled?

Moving to West View Farm gave me a serious opportunity to put them all together given the paddock size is huge.   Then one week before we moved, Grace went to double barrel Essy in the menage and I called a halt to all such dreams.  The risk of my older guys 'not getting out of the way fast enough' was too much to bear!

So, whilst Essy and Solar have remained paddocks buddies together, Grace went into her own smaller (but still big) paddock, across the path from them.

They weren't separated by a simple electric fence line, they had a path between them and two sets of post and rail fencing.

Whilst Grace seemed ok, she wasn't relaxed when it got dark or rained and the other two disappeared from view under the trees.  After the first week, we changed the plan and put up some electric tape in the field of Essy and Solar so that Grace could move in and be right by their side, as in the past.

Much better!   Grace returned to being totally calm, come rain or shine.

Then Bank Holiday Monday the guys decided to take matters into their own hands.  Essy went into Grace's section of the field and Grace joined Solar Sue.  A game of musical chairs ensued.

24 hours on and the three of them are out grazing together as if they have been doing so all their lives.

I could not be happier. Nothing has brought me more joy than sitting with them tonight and watching them move in harmony and total unison.

It feels and looks so right; such good friends.

To my utter surprise Solar is 'in charge' and with a simple 'look' sends Grace off away from their 'rainy corner' or away from Essy.

I've never been more happy than to see three bottoms lining up peacefully munching!

Sometimes we chicken out, for the right human reasons (fear of loss through injury) but then other times our fear blocks us from doing the right thing or the most natural thing.  It's hard to be human.  It's even harder sometimes to be a human with horses!

Where was that crystal ball when I needed it all this time?

Happiness Heals...

Health and Happiness. Are the two linked?

It's been a profound day...

For at least the last 4 years Essy has had a small dark wart-like growth on the left hand side of his neck, with no hair around the immediate area.  The vet has taken a look and because over the time it hasn't grown, I've left it alone.  No ointments, herbs, parsley or butter rub!! (A little joke for my husband's benefit). 

Tonight, the wart was gone!  Gone!  Disappeared.  Totally vanished.  Just like that.

As you can see the bald patch is still there.

It's very weird that it's gone.  It's just as weird that there's no hole, mark, scar or audit trail of it's demise or existence.

Did he scratch it off (and leave no mark, blood, wound)?  Even though warts don't suddenly move around the body over night (to my knowledge), I found myself looking all over his body for it! 

Crazy I know, but last night it was there still, and then tonight it wasn't! Now that's crazy!

As I drove home I called the 'Old Woman' and our friend whom I've referred to before, as an 'angel', to tell them both.  They each have an intimate knowledge of Essy, and his lumps and bumps so I knew they would both be as gobsmacked as I was feeling.

They were!

The old woman suddenly asked "do you think he is so happy he just healed himself"?

The question felt profound.  It felt remarkably right.

Yet, it also implied that for the duration of his wart's presence, i.e. the last four years, he has not been a happy horse.  That's not a great thought to hold as his carer and person responsible for his lifestyle and happiness.

Yet over the last four years he hasn't lived out 24 x 7 as he is doing now.  In fact since we left a DIY life in 2010, his turnout time has always been compromised by Livery rules and hours of operation.  Over the last 2 years turn out time has been reducing year on year, until now. 

It seems a life of compromise can  produce unhealthy results.

From Human research we know that if someone is sick, happiness makes them feel better physically. Happy people also cope better with stress and trauma, are more resilient, have stronger immune systems, and live longer.

Ok, but when it comes to a horse, does the concept of Happiness apply?  Some experts suggest that with humans we need to differentiate between happiness and joy.  As an example, they make the point that "Happiness depends on things. Joy is unconditional.”

I believe some people would argue that happiness does not depend on things, but many would agree that it does siting a better job, bigger bank balance, being taller, slimmer, having a prettier face, a faster car, more luxurious holidays, or a second home would make them feel more happy.  I've beleived it too, for many years.

Do horses feel happiness?  Do horses feel joy?  

There are definitely ways to see joy in their body, their movement,  energy, through their field games, their interaction with life and others, their appetite, coat condition and health.  Their general level of  "joie de vivre".  

I don't know if that qualifies for happiness,  joy, both or neither. 

Conversely we should be able to see an absence of happiness or joy. But sometimes, we don't.

Sometimes we learn to accept in  ourselves or others, including our horses a sense of resignation, a sense of 'making do', a noble but miss placed sense of acceptance of 'our lot'. 

Tonight I am wondering if this is how Essy has been feeling.  If this is what he has been doing - accepting 'his lot' and not complaining or making a fuss. 

Now, just two weeks into his life of being a wonderfully retired horse living out with his companion of 15 years, 24 x 7, his happiness can return.  Maybe now he is feeling joy again.

Is his "health" following a renewed sense of happiness?

In humans, we learn that happiness can be developed in 5 ways.  As I list them, I think about how it applies to our horses too:-

The 5 ways to develop happiness are:

1. Be physically active. There is bountiful research backing the premise that exercise improves mood and leaves us feeling good about ourselves.

Essy has not only put on weight in the last two weeks (as has Solar Sue) but they have both put on muscle and muscle tone. No grass pot bellies, just a case of all round "filling out" and beautiful to see.

2. Meditate/Focus. Meditation, avoiding over thinking, and increasing “flow experiences” (activities that cause you to lose track of time) are all ways to get the mind right.

It has been uplifting to watch Essy and Solar snooze, rest under the tree, pause from grazing and enter that zen like state of just 'being'.

3. Laugh. The phrase “laughter is the best medicine” isn’t just a euphemism. Laughter is proven to prevent heart disease, lower stress hormones, strengthen the immune system, and reduce food cravings. It also has anti-aging benefits.

I sometimes think my herd has a ripe sense of humour as trying to get a photo of any of them with their ears forwards, their eyes open or without their tongues poking out, is a daily challenge.  The joke is on me, I'm sure...

4. Be social. When we’re not feeling well, we tend to isolate ourselves. In reality, that’s the worse thing we can do. Having social connections and a strong support system can greatly improve one’s health.

Given the chance to graze together, side by side, Essy does.  Up close and personal with Grace below:-

5. Be spiritual. Getting in touch with our spiritual side can do wonders for our physical health.  This is especially valuable for those approaching the end of life. Not everyone gets cured, but we can be healed, from a spiritual perspective.

I never seem to have my camera with me when Essy and I stand as we did tonight together, for ages, neither of us moving, next to each other in the field doing absolutely nothing.  Just surrounded by silence, air and other horses.

The only sound to punctuate the silence are Essy's occasional deep belly driven exhalations.  I always wish afterwards that there was a way to capture it.  It is as serene and as moving as when I first experienced it with Essy during Margrit's visit last year.  

The lack of 'doing' and saying or even thinking, is the beauty of the experience.

They are moments I treasure even though they are daily.  I'll never get bored of it, and never complacent.  It actually feels like an honour. 

Despite our differences as species it is incredible to me that he seems to want these moments, just the two of us, and doesn't move a muscle until he is ready to 'come out of it'. 

As an experience, and due to the feelings (usually tears) in produces from me, if these moments aren't spiritual, I don't know what is.  It's not about singing, hymns or prayers  - certainly no religious service has ever reduced me to tears and tranquility all at the same time.

It's an added pleasure that they are happening outdoors, in his field with the other two in our herd quietly wandering off to leave us alone to enjoy our connection.

Hind Leg Mystery

How do you know...?


It was almost three years ago when I bought Grace and she joined my herd of two to become three.

She was perfect - met all my criteria, (OK was a little taller than I'd planned...), passed my trainers keen eye and so she came to live with us.

The great thing about getting to know a horse is how suddenly all the small things that you take for granted with your other horses, become noticeable in the new horse, especially when absent!

With Grace one of the first things I noticed was that she wouldn't pick up her hind feet to have them picked out.

She's a heavy girl, and to say the least it was quite a battle.  Not many of us, enjoy battling with back legs on a horse we barely know.  Bottom line was the only way I (or others) could pick out her feet was to let her rest her foot on its toe.  Then with  my head almost on the floor, I'd try to see what I was doing and pick away.

She was barefoot behind (and still is).

This troubled me.  At first I thought 'is she lazy'? Instinct said that was a pretty lame excuse.  It was only six months later that suddenly things changed.

The cause of the change?  I removed her front shoes too.  It was a stressful, worrying time, going barefoot for the first time, with your dream dressage horse, against the vets advice.  What faced me underneath those shoes was horrific for a 6 year old, and convinced me that barefoot couldn't be any worse!

Right Fore at 6 years of age, when I removed her shoes.  No part of the foot is healthy! March 2012

Left Fore. Awful structures - lack of! March 2012

However, within just a few weeks of those shoes coming off, I suddenly noticed she was able to lift her hind feet actually off the floor.

I still had to do the work and hold her legs while picking out.  She didn't hold her own weight voluntarily but there was definitely air clearance off the floor!

For the last three years, she's become very responsive and helpful and offers to lift each foot as you approach.  I can only conclude that as she became more comfortable in her front feet she was able to weight bear on them more, in order to lift her hinds up.

However, last night, two and a bit years on, and there was another small but significant change.  Suddenly not only did she lift her hinds as I went from foot to foot, but she actually held her own foot up in the air, without me having to bear all her weight of it and her back end!

It was very noticeable - just ask my poor old back!

So, I'm posting about it.  Why? What's different?  The only thing that has suddenly changed is the fact that for the last week she has been living out, with very little stable time.  She has a large paddock to roam around in.   Nothing else has changed.

Grace on the right (Solar over on the left)

I can only conclude that with more room to move, and more time out moving, her back end is toning up and she has less tension and more ability for self carriage - (not the way dressage riders dream of) but hey ....!

Thing is, last night she also lunged like a schoolmaster - a total pro, I was so proud, (somewhat surprised too given we've only been at our new yard for one week).  The old woman was watching and commented that "she looked so relaxed" and she did - throughout her whole body.  For example I had noticed (and this was before the feet picking out experience) how much more movement she had through her hocks and how much she was stepping underneath herself.

So, how do you know ...when your horse is getting enough turn out?  When small things shift and change especially in areas that you previously took for granted.

I share these observations assuming others may have noticed similar 'small things' about their horse, that defy explanation, but which surely if we notice them, when they don't seem right - probably aren't!  That in itself beckons us to keep looking for solutions and not to quickly assume we have a 'lazy' horse or 'disobedient one'.

I can't take credit for knowing these benefits would be realised, although I can take credit for being obsessed about giving my horses turnout above all other priorities.

One very pleased human.

Presumably one comfortable horse too!

For completeness the same front feet photographed on Friday August 15th  2014....

Right fore.

Left fore

I'll ask the question....

Most of us at some point in life have something we long to hear from a loved one, family member or even a boss. Here are my favourite words...

"I'll ask the question and see what they want to do"

Words spoken every day this week, by the yard manager of the new yard we have moved to.

When the yard manager says "they" she is referring to my horses.  The "question" she is asking them (several times a day) is simply  "do they want to come in or stay out?'   She listens to their behavioural response - do they come running over, approach her or revert back to grazing?

It's funny how something so simple can have such a dramatic effect. 

To have someone working with you in the daily care of your horses who 'gets horses' and their need to be outdoors, roaming, stretching, resting, sunbathing, snoozing and eating -  is priceless.   So too, are the results....

To have someone on the team, on the ground, who is happy to follow the lead of the horses and be totally flexible about the hours they keep indoors or outdoors  - is refreshing.  It's one of those things 'money can't buy' - it's either there or it isn't.

By sharing this blog, maybe it will help more people like me, look for it, and keep looking till we find it.

I appreciate that it's often no fault of large yards, despite their many staff, that they bring horses in at lunch time in order to get them all groomed and fed etc before home time.  The problem is that horse care shouldn't solely be focused on 'the ideal human home time'.  Not in my view at least.  Horses first, human's second!

Grace August 2014

Essy looking younger than ever - August 2014

I believe, that knowledgeable horse men and women want to focus on the principle of giving the horse a lifestyle that is best for them, versus 'handy' for the human.  It's a principle that I believe brings great rewards for horses, humans and ultimately the yard as a whole.

Its still great to hear it every day and I wont get bored of hearing it.  I'm pretty confident these guys wont either....

Solar and Essy August 2014

"Thanks West View Farm"

Expectation Inflation - Bring It On!

There's a saying in Retail that to deliver first class, 5 star customer service creates a problem; i.e. each time the customer receives fab treatment, they just expect more and better next time.  This is known as "Expectation Inflation".

This newly created level of expectation may be a hazard but it's a good problem to have if it results in happy customers, fulfilled staff and a strong business reputation. It's also good for ensuring you keep your business growing, improving, staying ahead and don't rest on your proverbial "Laurels"!

With Expectation Inflation everyone wins; you the business owner, your staff and your customers.  New products and services are invented and the overall market place grows and prospers.

As a Corporate Trainer who delivers customer service programmes, I often think about how the Equine world could learn a valuable lesson or two from business, retailers and at the end of the day... CUSTOMERS!  Customer like you and I!

When it comes to customer service, it looks to me like many Equine trainers, transporters, horse dealers and yard managers fail to even realise that one of their job responsibilities is to deliver customer service - 5 star or basic!

As a hard working quick to pay my livery bills customer,  sadly I have to confess that I have rarely felt valued or treated like a customer within the horse world. 

Even when I was paying £2300 a month in livery fees, which amounted to over £89,000 over the 3 years and 8 months that I was at a specific yard, the feeling of being a valued customer was far from my lexicon.   Whether we feel valued or not will impact our perception of 'value for money'.

If my horses care and lifestyle ends up compromised it's easy for me to conclude that the 'value for money' ratio isn't there anymore, and my herd and I move on...

The sad truth is that many of us have been on the receiving end of poor or non existent service for our equines.  For example, trainers who treat every horse and pupil the same; transporters who pay no attention to how the horse is coping with travel.  Solar came back from the USA in 2002 pumping blood from a hind leg that the International (very well known) transporter hadn't even noticed! 

This can not be right.  When a business transaction is in play, contracts in place, and money (often more than our monthly mortgage) is exchanged - it is in return for a decent level of service and some attention to detail! 

The situation surely must change in the future and the horse world  must become more customer savvy instead of apathetic - given the speed with which reputations can be made or broken,  through vehicles such as social media. 

Just think of all the ways people can be talking about us and what we do and how we do it - 
most of the time without us even knowing!

It doesn't matter how many horses you have, or how much income you contribute to a yard or a trainer, the point is its business.  As such you should get what you expect and or need.  If you are willing to pay for that service,  that service should be delivered, every day, consistently and willingly. 

Occasionally we  should also expect to have our expectations exceeded in small, delightful ways!

An 'add on free service' at West View Livery - field body scratching for Grace!

 

 

Grace getting a dawn body scratch - 

not listed in the livery service list but willingly offered anyway!

People who see themselves running businesses and who actually 'get that there is a business relationship' to be built and preserved, will be in business for a long time to come. Those who don't, will find themselves wondering 'where have all the pupils and liveries gone'?

Just as in business, service is not just about providing value for money, or a minimum standard of service.  What makes the difference between 'apathetic, fickle, disloyal customers' who hop from trainer to trainer, yard to yard, and those who loyally stay and provide 'great testimonials' rests on some of the following ...

• team work, 
• emotional support and care,
• attention to detail,
• speed with follow through, 
• responsive communication - keeping customers informed,
• compromise and flexing to try to meet customer needs,
• high standards, consistently executed
• listening to customers, 
• asking customers for their feedback and responding to that feedback, 
• benchmarking your offering (service, products and price) in the market place,
• handling conflict quickly, 
• managing expectations of customers with honesty,
• trustworthiness,
• proactively address needs (going the extra mile and pre-empting customer needs)
• integrity in actions i.e. doing the right thing for the customer/horse,
• surprising and delighting the customer with the 'unexpected'
• caring,
• having more than one way to explain things,
• emotional self control and resilience, 

It may sound like a heavy list, on top of hours of teaching, daily mucking out, rug changing, feet picking out and generally looking after horses all day.  But bottom line is that if the paying humans needs (aka customer's needs) are ignored, marginalised, overlooked or resisted, they'll pull their business or horses from your yard quicker than you can say "there's no I in Team" -  taking with them their hard earned cash and your income!

Bottom line advise for any equine business man or women is: 

Happy Horses = Happy Humans 
Happy Humans = Happy Yard 
Happy Yard = Happy Yard Manager 
Happy Yard Manager = Happy Horses + Happy Humans 

and on and on the cycle of success will grow!  

Ta Da!

No one said running a business (equine or other) is easy.  If you are running a business and offering a service, you really have to be clear on 'why'?  Why are you doing it?  What is your passion? What motivates you? How will you build your business? What role does customer feedback play in your future success?  What do you want to be known for?  What are you good at and not so good at - and play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses.  Finally, what would you do without being paid to do it? 

In business I teach people to 'stick to their knitting'!

Put simply this means that if teaching or horse training is your goal, stick to doing that.  If caring for horses floats your boat - do that, and do it well. If you believe you can do both, great, but you're customers will have different needs and expectations from you for both sets of services, so you'll have to be exemplary in delivering customer service to meet all their needs.

That all takes a lot of work, self awareness and personal growth. 

The most important customer feedback mechanism isn't facebook or twitter.  Its in front of you as a trainer, or proprietor, it's the health, joy, relaxation and expression you see in the face and body of the horse in front of you. 

Essy (left) and Solar (right) taking turns to snooze in the early morning sun

And, if the human pupil, owner, carer or sharer walks on air every time they are with their horse - I'd say it's all the feedback you need.  Whoever you are, whatever your job title! 

A tip: Ask yourself and your trainer or yard manager  "at the end of the day, how do you know if it's been a good day or a bad day?"   Then compare your answers with theirs, and see if there are any signs of a customer centric focus?  It's the least you and your horse deserve no matter what your knowledge level, riding ability or number of horses owned!

Back to Basics

Some days you can't beat a good old fashioned Party Political Broadcast! Today it's my turn...

 

This weekend I moved my small herd of horses.  It's not a decision I take lightly.  In fact its a tough call given how stressful it can be for horses.   Any lifestyle and relocation change can be thwart with potential minefields and sometimes....

 

"the Devil you know" can be better than the devil you don't! 

 

That being said, I made the decision for all the right reasons and so we moved. 

Arriving to 'healthy presents' for the horses, a welcome card for me, horse beds to die for, the freshest looking water and more hay than I've ever seen..... the Pièce de résistance waited outside - huge paddocks with post and rail fences, with rounded corners and naturally growing Plantain.

None of which is the point of this blog.  The point is that just like politicians can be accused of lacking creativity sounding like an old record banging on about 'the basics' to win votes, I find myself guilty of the same.

What I loved about keeping my horses DIY apart from it being all my responsibility, was the belief that it didn't need to be complicated.  Keeping horses can be simple and easy - rarely cheap, but when we get it right, it can be low maintenance.

Giving horses dry, clean beds, daily fresh water and ad lib hay means we are going a long way towards maximising their  health. Add to this plenty of fresh air, turn out (24 x7 ideally) and their physical system and emotional well being are given movement and stimulation.  When it comes to prevention being better than cure this is the golden formula: 

Fresh air + Fresh Water + Forage + Freedom to move + Friendship  

= A horse chosen lifestyle!

 To go back to basics has reared its charming head today in three small ways:-

1. Do horses need feeds?  

If I strip it down then my herd only needs food for two honest reasons:  Firstly so that I can administer some James Hart Tonics and their probiotic powder daily, and secondly, when they have weight loss issues, but if health causes are ruled out then the cause of weight loss is often man made.

Bottom line: if they have enough forage (grass and hay) 

why would they need man made food? 

2. Stable or Paddock; Stable or Paddock?

Most of us crave a natural lifestyle for our horses where they can live out,  24 x 7 (age and condition dependent during the winter months).  So, why then when we have a massive paddock do we still bring them in at all?  They aren't going to school or work like we did or have to!  

Why not leave them out, check them over of course, 

attend to feet, etc but leave them out?

3. To groom or not to groom?

Ever noticed how good horses coats can look when left to nature?  Allowed to roll in dust, sand, have the sun on their backs (not through fly sheets) and have the rain massage their skin all help nature do it's thing and keep a horses skin oils in natural balance.  

Grooming the way horses do with each other for mutual gain makes sense, 

I'm not sure other motives are as justified

There are no guaranteed answers.  Each horse is individual.

As carers, we can offer our horses different levels of what they are born for, due to many different reasons.  If however, moving yards gives us an opportunity to re-assess how we keep our horses, and re-examine the basics, then the stress of moving and the uncertainty may just be well worth it.

Essy and Solar are in this scene I promise!

Friends Come & Go...

... but Friendship lasts!

Essy and Solar Sue still sharing grass 16 years later!

I've been thinking a lot about friends and friendship over recent weeks.

As children, our ability to make friends forms an important part of growing up, of socialising, of learning how to share and get along with others.  It's about being accepted and accepting.

As teenagers it was important to know who your "Best Friend" was,  and for that best friend to reciprocate by claiming you as theirs!

Some children may have lived a more solitary life relying on make believe friends to fill a real void.  Others formed friendship with cuddly toys, blankets, 'our right or left thumb' and of course, the family pet.

I am resisting the urge to look up the dictionary definition of Friends or Friendship. My view is this:

FRIENDS...

• Friends can come and go; into your life and out again
• Friends can leave a mark on you and your life; or they may not.
• Friends may last a holiday or a lot longer
• Friends enjoy similar things to you.
• Friends share fun times, laughs and jokes
• Friends are found at school, clubs, work and in the local neighbourhood.
• Sometimes you marry a friend
• Often you later divorce.
• Siblings and parents can be good friends or bad,
• Friends may want something from you,
• They fill our Face book pages and Christmas card list.

 FRIENDSHIP...

• Friendship lasts and rarely fades
• Friendship strikes your heart, soul and subconscious.
• Friendship is based on common ground, shared values and compatible beliefs
• Friendship shares laughter, tears, joy and bereavement.
• Friendship appears in familiar surroundings and the unusual
• Friendship lasts when marriage vows fail.
• Friendship with parents is to be aspired.
• Friendship is a feeling,
• It is unconditional,
• It is painful to be without.

I like to enjoy and savour moments where your whole body can absorb the feelings of true friendship: be that walking in silence together: looking forward to texting each other later, finishing each others sentences or translating total 'gobbledygook into 'makes sense to me' logic!  Moments that go by either unspoken, or openly appreciated.  Moments that take you back to your childhood or project you into your old age.

Best of all are the moments where no-one notices you actually noticing friendship at all!

Quiet times savoured

Horses have an amazing ability to offer us lots of such moments, either with them alone, through their unconditional friendship, or with their carers and guardians who share the same space.

This last few weeks, I've enjoyed more and more the simple pleasures of grooming my horses outside, alongside my friend with her horse, like two kids after school, an image from my childhood re-imprinted indelibly and lovingly,  in my mind.

 

Essy through the Woods

Or,

Walking alongside our horses, down the country lanes, no tack, no gadgets, no pressure - just noticing what our horses notice; stopping for some hedgerow grazing, fascinated by neighbouring horses, meeting strangers keen to admire.

Most of our life is spent so busy in conversation, activity and planning, with everyone heading somewhere, fast!  Horses help us to stand still.

Nothing stands out more to me as a measure of friendship,  than taking pleasure in NOT doing anything much at all.  When two friends can share neither of you being in the lime light and instead start to experience life through the senses of your horse - it builds a bond so close its like wearing granddad's slippers or settling into your favourite arm chair!

Over the last decade Ive faced some of my own challenges around friendship, what it is and the downside of when it has to change shape.  I've faced up to telling my best friend that I would be moving 4000 miles away, leaving her and the joyous life we'd shared together in America.  Luckily our friendship has prevailed.

Close after this, I chose to address some big issues such as "did I enjoy spending time with my England based family, for no purpose other than to have a cup of tea and good old natter"?  I did not. So,  I chose to embark on a "come to Jesus" conversation with my overly mothering mother (aka The Old Woman) to let her know I needed a friend not a mum and what that meant to me.

Then, to close the loop I'd thrown myself voluntarily into, I entered into a friendship with my estranged father, putting some significant old ghosts to rest, and although he'll never be a father, to me - it's quite a turn around to have him in my life and as a friend.

Change can be a welcoming or uncomfortable place to dwell.

If suddenly the comfort of daily pleasures of friendship changes, and is lost, but is sacrificed for the greater good of our horses well being, or for a healthier adult relationship based on respect and equality, then I've learned to take comfort knowing I'm keeping good company living in the space between friends and friendship, even if I don't want the change to happen.

Lesley, Solar Sue, Old Woman, Essy