There's a spiritual solution out there...

I am borrowing these words from Dr Wayne Dyer who said ...

"there is a spiritual solution to every problem"

I wasn't entirely sure what he meant when I first read his words, so I bought the DVD, sat down with a strong cuppa and braced myself!

Half way through the DVD it struck me!  "I saw the light" - or rather I heard a voice in my head giving myself a big old kick up the bum - a metaphorical slap around the face for being so blind. Not a very spiritual interpretation by me but then this post is not about religion, God, Alah or any other source of following. It is about believing in yourself and that it'll all be ok!

So, why did  I watch this video?  Was there a problem I needed a solution for?

I had just started riding Grace again, after 7 months of not - (long story why the time off).  Just as I was back in the saddle, the lump she'd had for over a year by her girth had a growing spurt and was diagnosed as a sarcoid. Every horse owners dread!

Worse, it was now plum center under her girth area. Great! 

The sarcoid has been frozen (twice) and so no riding as she was sore and twitchy there if touched!

The vet suggested I ride, so my only solution was bareback!  Now where did that idea come from given I have to have my big brave Bridget Jones knickers on to rider her at all? 

Given my track record with Grace, a few hairy falls, and noting her size and power, I was back faced with the prospect of no more riding till the sarcoid had shrunk, dropped off or miraculously vanished (assuming a miracle or two can be reeled in on demand the way Essy's  lump fell off over night).

       ... "2 steps forwards; 1 step back"

my mother always says, and at times I can see why!

Of course whether or not to ride was only the surface issue, it wasn't the real problem.  It took another horse coming along for me to realise that...

Coco - a charming 6 year old dark bay thoroughbred was for sale. I'd ridden her and liked her.  More importantly she and Grace were great field buddies, Grace's friendship towards little Coco had allowed the rest of the field herd to accept young Coco into the gang - albeit on condition she hung out only with Grace!

I spent a long weekend debating whether or not to buy Coco and welcome her officially into our herd.  I was unexpectedly shocked by my own feelings of betrayal towards Grace as I conceptualised a summer of riding a horse I could actually wrap my legs around!

The strength of feeling of betrayal to Grace spurred me on to consider some questions about the real truth of my "on, off riding journey" with Grace.

The truth is Grace as a horse, is no different from the day I bought her, except a little larger and 4 years older. We actually share many similar character traits (not all of which are helpful) ...

impatience, 

opinionated,  

easily bored and distracted, 

a need to feel safe, 
dislike of pressure,
hatred of routine
need for a clear sense of purpose,

a magnet for others who then won't leave your side!

.... i'll stop there for now!

What is different since I bought Grace is that I have realised I am not a good rider. I've realised I am boxing above my weight and am 'out-horsed' by Grace.  However, that is an ego centric way to look at it.  Its a perspective that when I wallow in leaves me feeling low in confidence which isn't helpful to either of us.

There is a helpful and intriguing alternative perspective which is to realise that maybe Grace and I are on a joint journey of self discovery and can help each other explore some emotions that otherwise might be left buried in the back of the stable.

Now I just have to figure out what those 'emotions' are - their significance to my riding and the person my horses continue to guide me towards becoming!

The moral of this story is more than looking for silver linings.  It's about trusting that whatever path you are on, no matter how lumpy and bumpy it is, that it will be the right path!  How we chose to look at that path and think about it will define what we encounter next and the experience we have with it. 

I'm looking forward to putting my thoughts to the test back in the menage.  

Those "Madge" Moments we need to loose!

“As you think, so shall you become.” ~ Bruce Lee

I read today that Madonna fell backwards off a stage during a live performance this week.  After the initial shock of thinking how awful and how embarrassing, I found myself thinking " must look it up on you tube!"

Who am I to think like that?  I am presumably one of hundreds of thousand of others about to actively seek out someone else's drama and misfortune - don't I have enough of my own? 

I think most of us can think of a time when someone's misery helped us to feel better about ourselves or our own life.  This need for drama and problems is not a healthy way of life, let me explain why ...

Anyone who owns a pet small or large, knows of the fear of being away from home and have something happen to their beloved companion.  Not being able to get there, not being able to help or do much of anything at all can drive you slowly out of your mind and right off the idea of a holiday...

"Holiday!  Holiday! What holiday!  I'll spend the entire 2 weeks worrying; it'll be no rest for me"  (I have both felt this and said it, many times over).

Be careful what we say - 

The thoughts we hold onto and express 

 draw to us the very things we wish to avoid!

Until now, I've been lucky on holiday with no major dramas, although last year I did return at this time of year to a very underweight solar sue - I literally don't think she ate for two weeks (another story).

This year, on a new yard, before leaving my herd of horses the yard manager and I agreed once more the protocol - she'd send me lots of messages, updates and photos all courtesy of whats app, and in the event of a problem, I would receive a phone call.

Wednesday morning, day 4 of my 2 week holiday and I had been up since 6.30am writing my blog inspired once again after a small spell in the doldrums.

Life was feeling good! I was back on track....

Then, at lunchtime, a missed call from the yard!  I abseiled into full blown, heart pounding panic and hit 'redial' as fast as I was breathing.

It's good to hear the words "it's ok, don't panic"  (even though it was much too late for that),  but never good to be told one of your horses has jumped out of her field and galloped round the property and now isn't moving 'right'.

Your imagination takes over.  It took every strength of my being to try to sound calm and to pull together logical fact finding questions to understand what we were dealing with as a result.

It could have gone one of two ways:-

1) a broken leg, lots of cuts, bust tendon the works,

or,

2) No visible injuries -a lucky escape!

Grace had somehow managed to achieve choice number 2!  Thank you Grace, God, anyone and everyone! 

A dressage horse, without a blemish on her after taking on a wooden fence in my mind constitutes a miracle!  It was impressively fortunate yet that hadn't dawned on me yet!

Somehow she had managed to jump the fence line, come to a dead halt on landing, to avoid falling into an open ditch, then gallop (barefoot) around the property over tons of tarmac chippings recently laid for a new road way for the cars, before being caught!

Every inch of her had been thoroughly checked over.  She had received extra love and affection from the humans looking after her who described her as apparently 'quite pleased with herself'!

As a distant phone partner in the care of my herd we agreed some key steps for the next 24 hours:-

1. Offer her Comfrey and Devils Claw Root (for bruising and pain relief)

2. Place a bucket of Neroli oil outside her stable (as her leap of flight was prompted by Essy and Solar being brought in from the adjoining field,  so I assumed some separation anxiety might be going on)

3. Turn out for movement and relaxation - Chelsea suggested close to the house for safe watching

4. Body work - As Chelsea could feel a twinge in Grace's back on palpation she would book Ruth our massage queen for a few days time, to allow things to get slightly worse or to calm down

It didn't feel like a vet could be much help at this stage even though she was not 'moving right'.  We both suspected her feet are sore having jumped onto stones and uneven ground, and then galloped over rough terrain.  Again nothing that Kat the podiatrist could do at this stage either.

Time will be our best friend at this stage to assess progress - hopefully forwards.

I came off the phone feeling there was a clear plan in place.  Always my comfort blanket!  I also had another nagging thought to contact an animal communicator (more of that to follow).

Two hours after the call. I was heading for my first Reiki session of the holiday.  Interesting timing!

My walk to the pavilion was spent trying to list all the things to be grateful for in the circumstances:-

1. - Grace was ok
2. - No broken legs
3. - No blood, tears, injured knees or torn tendons
4. - No apparent stress on Grace's behalf after the event
5. - No other horse was involved or injured
6. - No one to blame (always a good thing as that can make life ugly)
7. - She is in great care and great hands
8. - I trust Chelsea's judgement 100% - I am a lucky lady!

On arriving at the Pavilion my stomach resembled a know of vipers and I felt no better despite my mental list of things to be grateful for.

I told Jean -Michel what had happened.  He listened.  He nodded.  He smiled then said:-

"you know sometimes we have to let go.... 

sometimes we have to accept, and this is your lesson now"

It's amazing how a few words spoken with such honest intention can calm a troubled body and mind - especially my mind - fluent in 'worry'.

In that  moment I felt I wanted to show my support and trust in Chelsea and to not pass the responsibility to her, but to let her know I was not going to try to interfere.  Ah the Art of Non Interference - there's a book in it's own right one day!  

Jean Michel's words resonated on another level as I found myself admitting that "sometimes I forget to be grateful and focus on problems and having them!" It's shocking to listen to your own words and realise I am a "drama junky!"  I had 8 good reasons NOT to panic, not to fill my body and mind with  this knot of negative emotion, yet still my focus was on the drama of not being there and not being able to 'fix' things and on the bad timing of the bad news.

The consequences of this simple unconscious choice were as follows:-

• I chose solitude, to be alone with my thoughts.  
• My husband had to endure the same and ate his lunch by the pool also alone.
• I went into self pity - "why now, why today, just when I was feeling inspired again?"
• My stomach was in physical knots
• I felt sick and couldn't think straight
• I got lost going in circles wondering why she would suddenly jump out of a field? 

and,

• I had an unpleasant and childlike need for everyone around me to 'know I had received back news' - I had turned into Mrs Victim!

Becareful where we chose to put our energy and our thoughts;

they will take us to many unforeseen places - some lacking in beauty!

What drives this need for drama? 

 

I wish I could say that I was able to see the funny or amusing side of Grace's adventures having heard she was after all, alive and relatively unharmed.

I can not take such credit! It seems I have not yet grown enough as a fully functioning adult; fully responsible for my emotions, to do so, but the journey I am on - thanks to my Horses - is hopefully revealing my development plan toute de suite!

I can say that over recent years the level of need I have for drama is less than it used to be - thank goodness!  That is evident in my life's good fortune and many blessings that surround me.  Yet still the need is clearly there  - lurking in the morning mist waiting to bury my resilience and obscure my faith.

It is this matter of FAITH that is fast becoming the focus of my thinking for Essy's Wishes - faith and miracles.  Lots of miracles!

Deportment Lessons!

Can your horse carry a book on his head?

Which would you prefer when working your horse.... to exercise him/her for exercise sake, or to exercise him in a way that develops correct posture for physical development and well being?

Posture simply meaning having the correct position of body and limbs and the correct use of muscles.  Think deportment classes for horses!

For a dressage horse posture has to be one of our top priorities and the good news is that we can develop it from the ground.

In the past I've lunged Grace for exercise reasons of courses, and for my own safety before riding her to assess how calm (or not) she is from a distance - allowing her to burn off excess energy, BEFORE I get on.  I must admit that in the past lunging was more about attaining obedience to voice aids than achieving postural or physical well being.

That's no longer the case.  We are now embarking on a touch of Pilates by lunging with posture in mind.

How do we know when our horse has good posture?

Step 1: Your horse begins to stretch down reaching forward and down to the floor with his neck and head.  

Walking round in a circle on the lunge with their nose on the floor (or as close as...)  encourages them to round their back.  Down and round should be easy for our horses - they do it while they graze.

To offer this posture they have to step through from behind, which creates that lovely 'swing' in the back.  Think 'Bruce Forsyth dropping his chin down with concavity in the whole of his neck!

This video isn't the greatest demo but it was only our second time going for long and low - so you get the idea!

Step 2: You see the abdominal muscles coming into play! The 'heave line' appears and extends towards the girth as posture improves.  See below.

Granted our tummy is a little large given our period of forced rest, so the heave line is only just coming into play!

Step 3: Exhalation! Your horse begins to breath properly - from the diaphragm with lovely sighs and big exhalations to prove it - usually just as the abs engage!

It's a good idea for riders or trainers to plough through videos and photos of horses moving on the lunge and in competitions to learn to recognise this basic level of good posture.

To come full circle i'm not seriously considering asking my horses to carry books on their head but we're after the same goal - correct self carriage!

Somehow I suspect there is a lot more to it than these 3 simple steps but slowly slowly catch the monkey! 

It Takes 2 to Tangle!

Horses and Humans are reaction machines!  

 

Recently my young horse Grace and I have been getting our knickers into a proverbial knot when working on the lunge and doing our parelli game of the 8 shape around obstacles.  This got me wondering what I need to do differently.  How and why have we been getting into this predictable pattern of speed and adrenalin and how can we get out of it? 

The most natural thing to do when confronted with a difficult horse or difficult situation is to react - to act without thinking.  This goes something like this...

Option No. 1: Meet Fire with Fire!

When Grace decides to do cartwheels on the lunge line or gallop round me doing her 'wall of death' impression - it's tempting to 'give her a taste of her own medicine' and say 'go on then if you want to run - let's see you move', and chase after her.   The only problem is that I don't want her injured, I can't hold onto 689 kilos of horse and neither of us learn anything of value in the process. 

Grace has taught me that escalation is rarely a helpful strategy! 

Option No. 2: Give in!

Deploy the opposite strategy and give in!  However, this feels like being held to ransom in a negotiation as the bad guy who won't say 'yes' to the deal on the table!  Giving in usually results in an unsatisfactory feeling in your gut the next day.  Worse it can reward and reinforce your horse's unwanted behaviour and cement you as being a "push over".

Giving in 'just this once' rarely works long term.  If every interaction with our horse is a training session - the question becomes who is training whom?  Grace is teaching me how NOT to be an appeaser,  to not give up now and HOPE it'll all be better tomorrow!'

(Note to self: an appeaser is someone who keeps throwing a tiger a steak, believing the tiger will eventually become a vegetarian)!

Option No. 3: Cool off!

A third reaction is to break off relations, walk away, have a mutual 'cool down' period.  The more I try to find that elusive space called the 'present' the more I am able to chose this option before deploying either of the other two, above!

I have found that 'coming back another day' is an appropriate strategy some days especially if other horses also seem to be wound up with something clearly 'in the air' adding to their distraction.

It is also useful if I need to assess what I had asked of Grace and was it reasonable?  Cool off may not mean back to the stable we go, but it can mean 'do something else' before returning to the original task in hand.

On the few occasions where I have cooled off by putting Grace literally back in her stable (usually accompanied by feelings of anger or deflation),  I've regretted it.  Leaving things without giving it a chance hasn't worked for me.   All it guarantees is that I haven't taken the time to work out her behaviour or its cause, and 'starting back over again' next time out, is mentally exhausting.  Not having enough physical time to be with our horse (working to an agenda or tight time line) can reinforce this as an unhelpful reaction.

So where does this leave us? 

According to Newton's Law 'for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction' - but this applies to objects not minds.  Minds can chose how we react!

To find the mental space needed for our minds to chose a reaction between cause and effect; stimulus and response I recommend we look to the opera!

In my work as a sports coach I help people find ways to step back, collect their wits, and see the situation objectively.  So, as soon as it all starts to go wrong with your horse, imagine that you are on a stage.  Then imagine yourself climbing onto a balcony overlooking the stage.  (The "balcony" acting a metaphor for rising above the situation).  From the balcony you can calmly evaluate whats going on, think deliberately and identify possible next steps and solutions.  It allows us to move away from our natural impulses and emotions of reaction.  It keeps us present and mindful.

Watching a new trainer work with Grace last week was a great reinforcement of three important MUST DO's for me to follow BEFORE I react to anything she throws my way. Three things that will help us break out of our current pattern of high speed triple salchows!

MUST Do No. 1) Be Black and White! 

How I ask something is just as important as what I ask.   Ask or don't ask!  When I get a try - stop asking or it sounds like I'm nagging.  If I don't get what I asked for then ask again.  I have to communicate using my whole body, as tone, facial expressions and body language are more important than words.

MUST Do No. 2) Say 'YES' as often as I can!

Yes is a magic word in untangling!  It means acknowledgement. It gives validation and recognition for what is going on for my horse, in that moment.   "Yes that was a nice try" "Yes you can run but do you want to..." "Yes I do mean it".  "Yes, that's the trot I wanted, thank you" etc.  Bottom line SAY YES AS OFTEN AS I CAN!

MUST Do No. 3) Follow the bible Dictum:

 "be quick to hear what the horse is showing you, be slow to speak and slow to act"

Give it time.  Our new trainer has a 12 minute rule.  After which if things aren't going to plan its time to re-think!   Grace didn't need the 12 minute rule to come into play and I was both relieved and surprised.  With me, she tends to stone wall me!  Meaning she tests constantly what I'm asking of her, checking if I'm for real!  Now I can see that by convincing her in as short a period of time as possible she stops challenging me about "if I mean what I'm saying"!

Being aware of progress, watching what she was offering us, judging nothing, and taking the time to stay with it - all proved to work for both Grace and her fan club - me and her new trainer!

It seems easy to find ourselves in a tangle with our horse.  It isn't always easy to untangle.  Find your 'go to the balcony' (or equivalent) and pay close attention to what your current habits are, in order to de-mystify the cycle of reaction you find yourself in, to break free, and to find another way.

Related Blogs:

How to Be Present

Do Horses Understand Us?

How To BE Present!

I still struggle with 'how to be present'.  Then yesterday while working with Grace I had an important lesson in some of the basic ingredients. 

Here are some tips and 'take aways' from our attempts to lunge amidst an overdose of chaos breaking out around us...


Being present means...

1.    Having command of my mind

2.    Courage to think

3.    Not rushing or hurrying

4.    Being deliberate in my thinking

5.    Doing simple acts with deliberation

6.    Taking one step at a time

7.    Paying attention to the little details

8.    Following the movement of my body (mindfulness)

9.    Taking the time to choose what to do versus reacting automatically

It's not easy to change old habits over night but it can be easy to learn new ones!  If we begin by doing more of the everyday acts of life,  like picking up things off the floor, getting dressed, or eating our food, with more deliberate thought AND without hurry, we'll have 2 core ingredients in the bag!

"Essys wishes" has at the core, the need for us 'horsey' humans to raise our levels of awareness and be more alert in order that we can be more in tune with our horses and their needs.

Or put another way (in ways that I can relate to) his message is about encouraging us to "have our wits about us" which might be an easier concept to identify with.  It's an especially useful habit to have in times of stress.  I'm not saying that riding and working with horses is stressful, but when it is our minds tend to stop operating so well. Suddenly there's 6 degrees of separation between us and our horse and if this happens when we are in the saddle - we can quickly find ourselves on the floor wondering what happened!

As I'm planning on being back in the saddle soon, its on my mind to practice the art of being present  before getting on.  That means, on days like yesterday, being able to quickly change my 'plan' and NOT take 20 minutes of being disconnected from my horse before waking up and THEN making a change to what I'm actually doing!

(I am reminding myself of the definition of insanity: 

'continuing to do the things I've always done expecting a different result!)

Twenty minutes can be a long time waiting for our brain to catch up with life - precious time where we risk losing our horses' trust and willingness in the wait for us to wake up and play another tune!

So, it makes sense to be present and if we aren't - then where are we? With such beautiful creatures in front of us why would we chose to be anywhere except right here alongside them, savoring every moment?

Saddles: Jimmy Choo or Louboutin?

Need a new saddle, not sure which one..?

At a recent show I overhead two ladies talking serious business aka "saddle talk!"  You know the kind of conversation  - one person confidently espouses all his or her knowledge about saddles in a way that lesser beings dare not challenge but must absorb, and pass on, to other lesser beings in the future without question. 

I've found that you can discover all sorts of interesting (but not always true) facts about  how "all saddles have trees like this, or like that", if you tune in as you wander by! 

Later in conversation with the wood-bee saddle shopper she told me she really "didn't know that much about saddles" but the current saddle was making her horse back sore"  "What saddle should I have that won't cause her issues?"  Right question from an honest hearted lady who wants to do the best for her horse. The answer lies in women's shoes!

An image tripped across my mind of two women shopping for a new pair of shoes - and pondering "which ones are good for you?" The answer: none! Even if you ask yourself 'which ones won't hurt?' the answer is still "none"!  Sooner or later women's shoes crush toes, wrinkle skin, blister heels, wreck your arch or bring on bunions! (A prudent reader will of course go check out those 'facts' for themselves and will resign themselves to a life wearing Clarks)!

Fact or fiction, we can agree that we aren't designed to walk on the balls of our feet, for hours on end, on hard surfaces occasionally having to run, or carry heavy stuff in our arms.   When saddle shopping it's good to remember that horses weren't actually designed to be ridden or wear saddles for hours on end, at speed, carrying a 10 stone human - hence the analogy!

If you are after 'cause no pain' then bare back has to be your best bet.  If we want to avoid corns and hard skin, don't wear high heels!

But, if we are to ride with a saddle (and I confess I do) then we must accept that we are compromising our horses' backs.  Therefore, the better question is...

How can I best preserve my horse's back?  Here are some approaches

1. What is the actual shape of your horses back so you know what shape of tree to insist on?
2. Compare it to the shape of others horse's backs so you can describe it in your own words and don't have to accept what a saddle fitter is telling you he /she sees.
3. Which horses around you look like their backs are in good shape?  Find out why and how? 
4. Demand a saddler who comes with trees not saddles.  We often fall in love with the look of the finished product (sequins on our shoes) without regard for the shape of the tree whose function is to evenly distribute weight.
5. Does the tree match the shape of your horses back?  Perfectly? 
6. What is the saddler's own criteria for the longevity of a horse's back?  
7. Gullet width - check it - don't just believe the fitter's word.
8. If you hear things like 'flexible trees bend and warp' ask for the evidence, the data and source of that fact - it may be misquoted mythology or B.S!
9. Can you limit your riding e.g. ride every other day?
10. Do you have to school for an hour when 30 minutes may be sufficient?
11. Do you observe the lay of the horses hair,  and sweat patterns when the saddle is removed to notice in balance?
12. Do you massage your horse's back once the saddle is removed to stimulate circulation?
13. Does your horse have regular physio to help you catch issues or physical changes early on?
14. Under no circumstances use the same saddle on two or more horses.  
15. Don't fix poor saddle fitting with pads and gadgets - doesn't make our high heels fit better and won't help your saddle fit either.

I am sure there is more we can do.  This is my own personal list as back preservation has been an obsession of mine for both my horses and myself.  Grace's back is looking good but then I would think that wouldn't I?

So if I haven't made my point clearly enough it is this: whether it's Jimmy Choo or Louboutin is not the point as neither will have a positive impact on the health of your feet.  Spending more doesn't in this case mean pain free! Custom made shoes would surely be a step in the right direction with every part that contacts your foot fitted to that area. So, be obsessive about stripping back potential saddles to the bare tree.  Work up from there and you should have a good chance of minimising back issues.

Finally, under the definition of "Saddle" on Wikipedia it offers this useful advise:

 "Proper saddle care can extend the useful life of a saddle, 

often for decades" 

If only saddle makers dangled the same carrot that their  "saddle can extend the life of a horse's back" - if  you find a saddler who makes such a claim - please spread the word! 

If that fails, then you could always resort to selecting the saddle that you found the most comfortable to sit on, and forget all about the function of a saddle and the physiology of the horse.  Sit back, kick on and watch the physio and vets bills roll in!

Who makes up this shit?

Why do we do the things we do with our horses?

Who is to say if it's 'this way or that way'?

I had to laugh at myself this morning.  There I was doing what I do each morning, grooming Grace and each morning brushing her mane over onto her right side - you know; as we all do cause that's where manes sit....

As soon as Ive brushed it over and gently given it a push in that direction with my hand (for good order), Grace shakes her neck and her mane splits; half on one side half on the other.  This happens EVERY day!

This morning for some reason, instead of feeling a twinge of frustration I found myself (or maybe it was Grace sending me her thoughts) stepping back and  thinking "why change nature Deb?"  Seriously why?  What possible problem is it causing to have her mane fall wherever it wants to?  I tried to answer thinking 'well for shows it needs to be on one side'.  Then I remembered that for shows her mane would be plaited so that's irrelevant. There and then I couldn't come up with another reason, other than 'everyone knows that's how it should be' and sensing that somehow the BHS or the Army are to blame! 

Obvious it may be to us humans, but it sure isn't obvious to everyone!  Horses certainly don't seem to have had the email as Essy's mane does exactly the same (taken this morning also).

Thinking about the 'obvious' left me wondering in what other ways we try to change nature without there being any valid or current reason? When did we last stop to think 'why do I do this and is it still relevant'?

Maybe when there is a life saving reason for all manes to fall in one direction then our horse's manes will comply.  Until then, like my own fringe it will land where it falls and I will accept it, knowing at least that's one less thing to fret about.

Wake up and smell the Roses

Small Steps to greater awareness...

Each morning begins with Grace and I 'pad walking' for 40 minutes to stimulate her foot re-growth where the seedy toe has been cut out.

This has become a quiet time for me.  I don't do quiet easily. Yet going round and round in circles or squares or serpentine shapes, before offices awake and doors to shops swing open, there isn't much else to do.

I'm wearing my HeartMath machine.  I'm becoming predictable - the first few minutes I am Green (coherent)  as my awareness focuses on my breathing.   Then, lost in whatever journey my thoughts take me on I re-enter my 'base line state' which for me is Red.   This is my pattern and my default body talk state is 'hyper'.  Not good long term.  Not helpful for expanding my awareness (unless I want more of the same).

The good news is that as soon as I focus back onto my breath, and breath for 5; in and out; I'm Green.   So it can be done - an adjustment of my focus brings an adjustment in my nervous system.  I guess horses work the same way.  They quicken their breathing and flee!  They slow their breathing and rest!

This morning's walk provided another awakening moment.  Grace kept trying to pull me over towards some rose bushes.  I kept resisting.  Then I spoke aloud to her (as many of us horsey people do) and explained "we'll smell the roses in a minute"!  Then I laughed!  What a lovely metaphor for how I approach my life - 'saving the nice stuff for later'...

I stopped resisting and we went over to the roses.

If one picture could tell a thousand stories this would be my pick for today.  If a horse can seek out simple pleasures of smelling roses why can't we?  I am more and more convinced that my own three horses are trying to teach me how to 'wake up' to what's important.  

Today, I am going to pay attention for the next 24 hours to the symbology of moments like this.  To those moments where I resist; to those ideas I think I'll save for later... and ponder on the symbology of each moment to see what comes to light by looking through a different lens.

Surely that in itself will help my awareness grow a little more today?

Dream or premonition?

Last night I went to bed in Majorca.  As I slept on the final night of a short break away,  I dreamed of Essy.  Out of the right hand side of his body around the stomach area protruded several black growths, in the form of a misshapen glove.  The short stocky tendrils shared one base. The vet was there.  The word cancer was discussed. 

Whenever  in the past  I have had dreams involving my horses and their physical well being - as soon as daylight arrives I'm on the phone to the people looking after my horses while I'm away asking them to check them over thoroughly.  Today however I did not make any such call.  The strange thing was that whereas usually I would awake with a feeling of dread and fear, that something was wrong - that feeling wasn't quite apt today.  It was as if the cancer was not Essy's.

Less than 24 hours later and I'm in bed at home, only tonight I weep.

It's surreal when life defining moments happen just as you pass down the bread aisle of a Waitrose Supermarket.  We had stopped for bread and milk en route home from the airport when the text arrived announcing my husband's father has bladder cancer.

Everything was wrong - this wasn't where he should hear such news, and not by text.  It was over an hour before we could reach either his mother or father by phone to try to understand what was happening.

It seems best case is that his father has a cancerous tumor in the bladder that has not yet pierced the bladder wall.  Twelve months of chemo lies ahead.  Worst case is that it has pierced the wall.

I don't feel guilty at making the connection between this news and last night's dream. I don't in any way mean to slight the significance of what lies ahead.  I am however aware how protective my horses are of me and I just can't shake the feeling that Essy was warning me of some bad news ahead, somehow trying to prepare me.

How amazing to think that miles away from us, our horses can be tuning in to such a massive conscience and finding ways to assimilate this information into shapes and forms humans can later comprehend.  During the course of today that dream was with me.  Did it help prepare me? I don't know.  I can't help but feel I will need the strength of Essy -this special horse, and the love of young Grace and the deep emotional connection from Solar Sue. Together the three of them will I believe  help me to be strong for my husband in the weeks ahead.

Once again I will have more to thank my four legged friends for than I could have ever imagined. More awareness of the connection that is possible between all species.  More awe at what deeper insight and communication pathways could lie ahead if I remain open.  It can not be a coincidence that yesterday morning I began to read Margrit's book "Horses talking" and finished it on the plane journey home today!

Telepathy and a little attitude!

Grace had her first chiropractic assessment and physical adjustment last week. Grace was 8 years old in April. She is a wonderfully powerful Dutch Warmblood who came into our lives 18 months ago.

Since her grand entrance nothing has been as i had planned. All for the better, and more of that another day.

She recently met with Margrit who described her as a journalist - observing, noticing and offering commentary on everything around her. A confident horse who had a loving start to life and is literally full of love to give having received enough as a foal, through quality time with her mother. Wow!

I wanted her to meet Sue for a chiropractic assessment as Margrit had detected some neck pain. From her ridden work she tends to set in her jaw and i wondered if the two could be connected.

Sue's assessment and treatment confirmed some neck pain which released before my eyes with Grace quite literally 'giving to the process' and physically 'asking' for the stretches Sue performed with her. As an aside it was reassuring to hear Sue talk to Grace before all moves and at one point reassuring Grace with the words " you know what to do".

As part of her physical assessment Sue asked to see her move on the lunge. After a warm up, walk, trot and canter on both reins Sue had seen what she needed to. Grace 'hops' from walk into trot (which i had mistaken as a learnt habit and blamed myself on poor riding as being the cause). Sue also noticed stiffness in the neck on one rein. Everything seemed consistent.

What i didn't expect was a further observation Sue made and what happened next. Bringing Grace back from canter to walk, Sue declared we were done. At that point she walked towards me into the centre of the circle Grace was still walking on. As she approached me she mentioned that Grace looked a bit locked up in her lumbar region. I was just about to ask why that might be, when Grace quick as a flash voluntarily broke from walk into canter. It was no ordinary Grace canter - which tends to be either the absolute minimum she can achieve or 'the barry sheen circle of death'. Instead she cantered actively, in outline on a small circle around the pair of us full of life. Within seconds Sue declared "strike that last comment" there's nothing wrong with her lumbar!

Now I know that human words aren't supposed to be understood by horses. But crikey-bobs - its hard for me to believe that with such an instant and clear expression of 'ill show you" demonstrated in front of our eyes. Sue and I both found it amusing. I must confess its stayed with me as more than just amusing. I really am left pondering how much of what we say do our horses 'get'?

So to all humans interacting with horses - if you have something negative to say about your horse please don't say it in ear shot. Unless you have a horse like Grace who likes to make it very clear when your are wrong!