“As you think, so shall you become.” ~ Bruce Lee
I read today that Madonna fell backwards off a stage during a live performance this week. After the initial shock of thinking how awful and how embarrassing, I found myself thinking " must look it up on you tube!"
Who am I to think like that? I am presumably one of hundreds of thousand of others about to actively seek out someone else's drama and misfortune - don't I have enough of my own?
I think most of us can think of a time when someone's misery helped us to feel better about ourselves or our own life. This need for drama and problems is not a healthy way of life, let me explain why ...
Anyone who owns a pet small or large, knows of the fear of being away from home and have something happen to their beloved companion. Not being able to get there, not being able to help or do much of anything at all can drive you slowly out of your mind and right off the idea of a holiday...
"Holiday! Holiday! What holiday! I'll spend the entire 2 weeks worrying; it'll be no rest for me" (I have both felt this and said it, many times over).
Be careful what we say -
The thoughts we hold onto and express
draw to us the very things we wish to avoid!
Until now, I've been lucky on holiday with no major dramas, although last year I did return at this time of year to a very underweight solar sue - I literally don't think she ate for two weeks (another story).
This year, on a new yard, before leaving my herd of horses the yard manager and I agreed once more the protocol - she'd send me lots of messages, updates and photos all courtesy of whats app, and in the event of a problem, I would receive a phone call.
Wednesday morning, day 4 of my 2 week holiday and I had been up since 6.30am writing my blog inspired once again after a small spell in the doldrums.
Life was feeling good! I was back on track....
Then, at lunchtime, a missed call from the yard! I abseiled into full blown, heart pounding panic and hit 'redial' as fast as I was breathing.
It's good to hear the words "it's ok, don't panic" (even though it was much too late for that), but never good to be told one of your horses has jumped out of her field and galloped round the property and now isn't moving 'right'.
Your imagination takes over. It took every strength of my being to try to sound calm and to pull together logical fact finding questions to understand what we were dealing with as a result.
It could have gone one of two ways:-
1) a broken leg, lots of cuts, bust tendon the works,
or,
2) No visible injuries -a lucky escape!
Grace had somehow managed to achieve choice number 2! Thank you Grace, God, anyone and everyone!
A dressage horse, without a blemish on her after taking on a wooden fence in my mind constitutes a miracle! It was impressively fortunate yet that hadn't dawned on me yet!
Somehow she had managed to jump the fence line, come to a dead halt on landing, to avoid falling into an open ditch, then gallop (barefoot) around the property over tons of tarmac chippings recently laid for a new road way for the cars, before being caught!
Every inch of her had been thoroughly checked over. She had received extra love and affection from the humans looking after her who described her as apparently 'quite pleased with herself'!
As a distant phone partner in the care of my herd we agreed some key steps for the next 24 hours:-
1. Offer her Comfrey and Devils Claw Root (for bruising and pain relief)
2. Place a bucket of Neroli oil outside her stable (as her leap of flight was prompted by Essy and Solar being brought in from the adjoining field, so I assumed some separation anxiety might be going on)
3. Turn out for movement and relaxation - Chelsea suggested close to the house for safe watching
4. Body work - As Chelsea could feel a twinge in Grace's back on palpation she would book Ruth our massage queen for a few days time, to allow things to get slightly worse or to calm down
It didn't feel like a vet could be much help at this stage even though she was not 'moving right'. We both suspected her feet are sore having jumped onto stones and uneven ground, and then galloped over rough terrain. Again nothing that Kat the podiatrist could do at this stage either.
Time will be our best friend at this stage to assess progress - hopefully forwards.
I came off the phone feeling there was a clear plan in place. Always my comfort blanket! I also had another nagging thought to contact an animal communicator (more of that to follow).
Two hours after the call. I was heading for my first Reiki session of the holiday. Interesting timing!
My walk to the pavilion was spent trying to list all the things to be grateful for in the circumstances:-
- - Grace was ok
- - No broken legs
- - No blood, tears, injured knees or torn tendons
- - No apparent stress on Grace's behalf after the event
- - No other horse was involved or injured
- - No one to blame (always a good thing as that can make life ugly)
- - She is in great care and great hands
- - I trust Chelsea's judgement 100% - I am a lucky lady!
On arriving at the Pavilion my stomach resembled a know of vipers and I felt no better despite my mental list of things to be grateful for.
I told Jean -Michel what had happened. He listened. He nodded. He smiled then said:-
"you know sometimes we have to let go....
sometimes we have to accept, and this is your lesson now"
It's amazing how a few words spoken with such honest intention can calm a troubled body and mind - especially my mind - fluent in 'worry'.
In that moment I felt I wanted to show my support and trust in Chelsea and to not pass the responsibility to her, but to let her know I was not going to try to interfere. Ah the Art of Non Interference - there's a book in it's own right one day!
Jean Michel's words resonated on another level as I found myself admitting that "sometimes I forget to be grateful and focus on problems and having them!" It's shocking to listen to your own words and realise I am a "drama junky!" I had 8 good reasons NOT to panic, not to fill my body and mind with this knot of negative emotion, yet still my focus was on the drama of not being there and not being able to 'fix' things and on the bad timing of the bad news.
The consequences of this simple unconscious choice were as follows:-
- I chose solitude, to be alone with my thoughts.
- My husband had to endure the same and ate his lunch by the pool also alone.
- I went into self pity - "why now, why today, just when I was feeling inspired again?"
- My stomach was in physical knots
- I felt sick and couldn't think straight
- I got lost going in circles wondering why she would suddenly jump out of a field?
- I had an unpleasant and childlike need for everyone around me to 'know I had received back news' - I had turned into Mrs Victim!
Becareful where we chose to put our energy and our thoughts;
they will take us to many unforeseen places - some lacking in beauty!
What drives this need for drama?
I wish I could say that I was able to see the funny or amusing side of Grace's adventures having heard she was after all, alive and relatively unharmed.
I can not take such credit! It seems I have not yet grown enough as a fully functioning adult; fully responsible for my emotions, to do so, but the journey I am on - thanks to my Horses - is hopefully revealing my development plan toute de suite!
I can say that over recent years the level of need I have for drama is less than it used to be - thank goodness! That is evident in my life's good fortune and many blessings that surround me. Yet still the need is clearly there - lurking in the morning mist waiting to bury my resilience and obscure my faith.
It is this matter of FAITH that is fast becoming the focus of my thinking for Essy's Wishes - faith and miracles. Lots of miracles!
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