Friendship is...

Borrowing your pals clothes - even if it is pink!

The moral of this short post is that we can all learn to try something new, do the once thought of as "impossible" and surprise ourselves that it actually is ok! 

Simple Pleasures

They say a picture paints a thousand words; so...... here are some pictures that speak volumes to me - each one of Happiness!

Bright sunlight - where are Solar's shades?

Serious summer snacking

The three musketeers  - butter wouldn't melt - lets hope the mud does!

Bless them! Life long friends....

Old Friends re-united again!

Time to make new friends....

The 3 girls!

...oh and now some boys.....!

Pretty as a picture

Lazy bones.... why get up if you can have breakfast in bed?

A little 'neighborly boy' time!

I could not have wished for a more perfect end to the summer for my herd and their friends;

old and new!

Friends Come & Go...

... but Friendship lasts!

Essy and Solar Sue still sharing grass 16 years later!

I've been thinking a lot about friends and friendship over recent weeks.

As children, our ability to make friends forms an important part of growing up, of socialising, of learning how to share and get along with others.  It's about being accepted and accepting.

As teenagers it was important to know who your "Best Friend" was,  and for that best friend to reciprocate by claiming you as theirs!

Some children may have lived a more solitary life relying on make believe friends to fill a real void.  Others formed friendship with cuddly toys, blankets, 'our right or left thumb' and of course, the family pet.

I am resisting the urge to look up the dictionary definition of Friends or Friendship. My view is this:

FRIENDS...

• Friends can come and go; into your life and out again
• Friends can leave a mark on you and your life; or they may not.
• Friends may last a holiday or a lot longer
• Friends enjoy similar things to you.
• Friends share fun times, laughs and jokes
• Friends are found at school, clubs, work and in the local neighbourhood.
• Sometimes you marry a friend
• Often you later divorce.
• Siblings and parents can be good friends or bad,
• Friends may want something from you,
• They fill our Face book pages and Christmas card list.

 FRIENDSHIP...

• Friendship lasts and rarely fades
• Friendship strikes your heart, soul and subconscious.
• Friendship is based on common ground, shared values and compatible beliefs
• Friendship shares laughter, tears, joy and bereavement.
• Friendship appears in familiar surroundings and the unusual
• Friendship lasts when marriage vows fail.
• Friendship with parents is to be aspired.
• Friendship is a feeling,
• It is unconditional,
• It is painful to be without.

I like to enjoy and savour moments where your whole body can absorb the feelings of true friendship: be that walking in silence together: looking forward to texting each other later, finishing each others sentences or translating total 'gobbledygook into 'makes sense to me' logic!  Moments that go by either unspoken, or openly appreciated.  Moments that take you back to your childhood or project you into your old age.

Best of all are the moments where no-one notices you actually noticing friendship at all!

Quiet times savoured

Horses have an amazing ability to offer us lots of such moments, either with them alone, through their unconditional friendship, or with their carers and guardians who share the same space.

This last few weeks, I've enjoyed more and more the simple pleasures of grooming my horses outside, alongside my friend with her horse, like two kids after school, an image from my childhood re-imprinted indelibly and lovingly,  in my mind.

 

Essy through the Woods

Or,

Walking alongside our horses, down the country lanes, no tack, no gadgets, no pressure - just noticing what our horses notice; stopping for some hedgerow grazing, fascinated by neighbouring horses, meeting strangers keen to admire.

Most of our life is spent so busy in conversation, activity and planning, with everyone heading somewhere, fast!  Horses help us to stand still.

Nothing stands out more to me as a measure of friendship,  than taking pleasure in NOT doing anything much at all.  When two friends can share neither of you being in the lime light and instead start to experience life through the senses of your horse - it builds a bond so close its like wearing granddad's slippers or settling into your favourite arm chair!

Over the last decade Ive faced some of my own challenges around friendship, what it is and the downside of when it has to change shape.  I've faced up to telling my best friend that I would be moving 4000 miles away, leaving her and the joyous life we'd shared together in America.  Luckily our friendship has prevailed.

Close after this, I chose to address some big issues such as "did I enjoy spending time with my England based family, for no purpose other than to have a cup of tea and good old natter"?  I did not. So,  I chose to embark on a "come to Jesus" conversation with my overly mothering mother (aka The Old Woman) to let her know I needed a friend not a mum and what that meant to me.

Then, to close the loop I'd thrown myself voluntarily into, I entered into a friendship with my estranged father, putting some significant old ghosts to rest, and although he'll never be a father, to me - it's quite a turn around to have him in my life and as a friend.

Change can be a welcoming or uncomfortable place to dwell.

If suddenly the comfort of daily pleasures of friendship changes, and is lost, but is sacrificed for the greater good of our horses well being, or for a healthier adult relationship based on respect and equality, then I've learned to take comfort knowing I'm keeping good company living in the space between friends and friendship, even if I don't want the change to happen.

Lesley, Solar Sue, Old Woman, Essy

An Ode to a friend - "Paradise Lost"...

Once upon a time...

 

...I noticed a young woman 

who spent her day smiling, laughing and enjoying life.

Daily she played with her off spring,

sharing her joy with her husband - to be.

One summers day they all moved house -

it was to be a move made in paradise;

an exciting time.... full of promise of luxury -

the best money could buy. 

The house inside a village was purpose built 

Facilities to die for, and friends all around! 

Could a girl dream of more?

But on moving in,  the skies darkened;  

heavy clouds and thunder rolled in, and hung over-head.

They say lightning never strikes twice; 

but here, it hit twice in a day!

No matter how often she asked for her kids to be escorted 

to and from their home - it didn't happen! 

She saw this to be the case but was told it was her imagination!

Food rations (to keep them trim) were ignored

over eating happened daily.

Extra curriculum activities agreed at the start of term

were unilaterally withdrawn,

Health and Safety caused her concerns

 Hygiene and cleanliness standards were poor!

When issues of welfare were raised, 'like it or lump it' was the reply.



Other families in the neighbourhood suffered too;

Kids weren't allowed to play together;

  House doors remained shut at all times;

'Green space' was for appearances only,

And medicines weren't administered.



 Then word came that term fees were about to go up!

...Paradise was lost!

Families everywhere felt cheated, bewildered and lost.

Things once so certain became unclear;

Purpose and direction temporarily lost;

Logic and reason abandoned their homes.

Saddened, friends stood by, unable to help.

 She would have to escape this land of broken promises

 to re-connect with what's most important.

To the lovely lady her friends wrote to say... 

"Don't look back; 
live for today

Follow your heart
 a great future awaits.

Ignore any who don't care

or don't know better,
Be your own best friend 
and be kind to yourself"

-----

How to like yourself more...

Play Time and Tears!

I had a wonderful day hanging out with my three glorious horses.  Twice they raised me to tears just looking at them: such peace in their eyes.

I walked away with an immense feeling that my horses like being horses!  They like being who they are. That may sound a bit of a non event on most days but today it  really hit me that to like being who you are, must be such a gift.  I wonder how many of us can say we feel the same way?

Of course there have been moments in our life when we've felt pleased with ourselves at work for our contribution, at home for our friendship and support to friends or family.  But is that the same?  Does this mean we actually like being human and like being who we are - warts and all, day after day?  If we don't, what would we prefer to be? Until recently I hadn't considered being anything else (except wishing I could run on all fours alongside my new puppy)...

... how great would that feel?

Tonight at the yard a fellow livery and her hubby were doing what looked like 'play lunging' with their two horses.  From inside the barn I could hear their laughter - real belly laughter - and once outside I could see hooves, knees and legs all aloft - as the four of them shared some high jinks together.

What a contrast with another livery's words to me about how 'badly behaved' her old boy had been when he was turned out.  Apparently, once off the lead rope and lose in the field he would kick, buck, tear about and be "unruly".  I wanted to suggest maybe the horse was expressing himself in a moment of happiness and joy.  I sensed she didn't see it that way.

All around us there are people who are happy with themselves and we can see that through their relationship with their horses, if we know what to look for. Others are not so blessed.

It is said that by turning our attention inward to our self that we are able to experience a deeper connection with Life, with God, Nature and beyond.  And, as humans, every relationship we ever have with another exactly mirrors one or more aspects of the relationship we have with our self. 

So, can we learn to like ourselves? Can our horses teach us how? I hope so as Horses are so much closer to nature than we are with all our mod-cons and materialism. 

In his book Messages From Water -  Dr. Masaru Emoto shows the powerful effect that our thoughts and words have on us. In his research he attached written words to containers of water, such as “Thank you,” “I love you,” and “You fool!” Then he froze the water and took photos of the water crystals with a microscopic camera. In addition to using written words, he varied his experiments with thoughts, music and pictures.  This is one of my favourite books which I often take to seminars I'm delivering to help people think about the affect our thoughts have on us.

In every case when there was a positive energy used, whether it was a written word, a verbal statement, or a picture, the photos of the frozen crystals were exquisitely beautiful, as above.

On the other hand, in every case where the stimulus was negative, the crystals were small, misshapen and deformed! This so clearly demonstrates the effects of negativity when we bury ourselves under unkind thoughts, or beliefs about our body, mind, or abilities. 

If our bodies are about 60% water, imagine what happens to the part of us that is water when we are hit with lots of negativity. Whose to say it doesn't have the same debilitating effect on all parts of all our body cells. No wonder we struggle to feel good about who we are on an average day.

Add to this, the famous book, film and industry known as the Law of Attraction which warns us that when cells vibrate with negativity it draws towards us, more of the same.

These two pieces of work are relatively recent.  Not everyone has yet to come across them and their important messages.  Without them we are left floundering under a sea of pressure to be this way or that, taller, smarter, faster, thiner or just better.

So back to play time and tears....

The life of a horse isn't always 'a walk in the park'.  Looking at their 3 basic needs it's a wonder any show happiness to be alive, never mind as a horse.

Food & water: some horses have it, others have too much or insufficient. Many go without vital herbs or nutrients	Most of us can put food on our tables whenever we need it, enjoy lavish meals, detox, diet or fest, stick to the same diet or vary it up
Friendship: some horses spend a lifetime without same species relationships or contact. Family separation is a guarantee, often prematurely	We get to pick and choose our friends real, virtual, local or worldwide.  We also get to stay in touch or switch them out on demand
Freedom: some horses are locked up all day, many can’t pick and choose when they work or what job they do or when to retire	We can move around the Globe, be alone or with others, express ourselves, work for others or create our own work

Next time we notice happiness in a horses expression or stance, or in their love of being able to run about let's wonder why its so hard for us to feel pleased to be who we are when on the face of it, we have so much more.

Let's stop and remember that beyond the 3 x F's, all those other things we long for in life just alienate us further from our true selves, from nature and from a meaningful connection with both, leaving us strangers to ourselves amongst the paraphernalia of a modern existence.

It seems shallow to simply view the needs of a horse as simply the 3 x F's.  It seems unrealistic to compare our ability to like ourselves based on only that as criteria.  To look deeper can be difficult to get our heads around.  To keep it simple and practical here's my own list of the lessons our horses might be trying to pass on to us, to help us learn how to like ourselves!

* they don't judge themselves or others

* they don't seem to set goals and push themselves constantly 
* they live for today and in the moment of now

* they only hold a grudge (in the form of negative associations) with good reason usually fear based

* they probably don't generate negative or positive thoughts - just in the moment awareness

* they aren't likely to compare themselves with other horses abilities, size, shape or luck

* they know how to communicate with each other very effectively without misunderstandings

* arguments are resolved quickly

* they use their energy wisely and avoid being exhausted at the end of the day 

* they don't try to be something they aren't knowing when they are confident and capable or not

* they aren't fickle and don't flit between equine relationships (if allowed the choice)

* they reciprocate touch and scratching when offered 

* they don't appear to have a negative ego like humans and can let go of the need to control

* they don't play emotional games with one another

* they don't lie 

* they know how to have fun and try to do so when the mood grabs them

* they are patient and tolerant of other species

* they are communal by choice preferring to share their world not keep it for themselves

In summary horses appear to be great ambassadors for RESPONSIBILITY.  Not as we are taught at school and at home which manifests more like duty, burden, 'ought' and 'should'.  For horses responsibility simply means 'being able to respond'.  To what?  Their needs.  Moment by moment.  If they need to sleep they doze. If they need to run they run.  If they want to eat they eat.  etc.  The good news is that there is nothing stopping us (people) from having the same approach to our lives.  Most of us (if adult) are not in captivitiy, stabled, told what to do, or when to eat etc.  We are much more like the undomesticated, free roaming horse - able to respond to our needs moment by moment, if we would just give ourselves permission.  Be selfish!  A place of honest intent to be happy by fulfilling our needs which puts us in a better position to help others - human or horse.

I'm sure the list above isn't complete.  However, even as it stands it makes a compelling set of tips on 'how to live our lives in order to like ourselves more'.

With my horses help I will keep digging deeper to explore 'how to like myself more' - but for today this is where my awareness level is at so my musing will have to end for now.

F for Freedom

The more I journey into greater awareness of our Horse's needs the more I realise how asleep I've been, until now!

A horse has 3 vital needs:

1. freedom to roam, 
2. free access to forage (i.e. unlimited not inexpensive)!
3. friends (horses) to connect and contact with

So how similar our the needs of us humans to that of the horse?  In my opinion the answer seems to be VERY....

Looking first at "freedom", history offers many inspirational people and events to show us its importance...

 Emancipation of the Serfs

 Martin Luther King

 Emily Pankhurst

 Nelson Mandella

 Gay rights activists

Human history is peppered with bold and creative stories of individuals or groups striving to achieve freedom for self, or others. Our liberty extends beyond being a principle or need, it is a basic human right that appauls us if absent.

" Exemption from external control"

Freedom in the dictionary is defined as 'exemption from external control'.  In our daily lives this shows up in many ways - we have the freedom to roam and set up home where we chose, and with whom we chose; we are free to chose if we work, have freedom in how we dress, what we eat, how we exercise (if at all), what medical help we seek or accept; freedom of expression, and the freedom to  'find oneself'. 

How would you feel if you lost your freedom? Facing the potential loss of a driving license for many of us throws us into despair at the sense of imposed confinement and loss of choice. We hear on the TV of young girls forced into unhappy even abusive marriages, and we read of hostage taking or incarcerations in the name of Anti Terrorism.

In such circumstances how long would you want to keep 'giving your best'?  Would life seem rich in quality? Would you trust those around you? Would you fulfill your potential or have the resilience to carry on trying? 

The consequence to our human soul and spirit if we lose our freedom can be devastating.  Some of us wouldn't survive; giving up; our spirit broken. Perhaps this sounds familiar when horses spirits were deliberately broken in order that we could ride them.  In remembering the Horse's 3 needs we realise that they often don't have their first need: freedom. Sometimes they don't have it for the duration of their life!  So, why wouldn't the loss of such a fundamental need have an equally destructive effect on them, as it has upon us?

Consider the lifestyle of many horses today...

•  They are moved about the country, or world, with no say on where or when
• They are bought and sold with no say in by whom
• They have no control over a lifestyle spent indoors or outdoors 
• Are often kept isolated from contact with other horses
• Told when they can or can't run!
• Have a limited chance to self medicate and select natural remedies
• Exist without permission to self express; kick, leap, buck, rear, twist and turn whenever they want
•  Have no choice of 'mate' 
• No say in their quantity of offspring
• No enforced 'retirement' age
• Don't know that their schooling and education will one day be over

Are horses exempt from external control? Are they free to be happy?  Can they freely express who they are and be themselves? If not, how reasonable are we being species to species to expect them to trust us, reward us, partner with us, perform for us, obey us and succeed for us?

If the above list sounds exaggerated - that would be a good thing for our horses.  It's only when we take a moment to look at the life of our cherished friends using a self made list like the one above, that we can step back and address our horses' first need: that of freedom! Taking stock has got to be a good thing in the long run, its when we fail to stop and observe - that things can go from bad to worse in our own lives and perhaps for our horses too.

Ironically, many humans are drawn to horses because they represent freedom - images of the wind running through their manes and our hair.  Their freedom is an especially enticing one; being full of power, elegance, kindness and nobility.  Surely its time we returned back to them some of those characteristics and let them find more freedom in their daily lives with us.  Helping our horses experience their heritage might allow us to seek more ways to feel free in our lives.  Free from pressure, opression, duty, obligation, and the need to fulfill the expectations of others.

Essy expressed his desire to be free from ridden work and the saddle.  I've honoured that.  Instead we are forming a new partnership in hand and with walks around the Estate.  The benefits for me have been a sense of slowing down, relaxation and more time spent in nature with nature.

So far so good!