Enough is Enough or Dont Give Up?

I was enjoying my riding lessons ... until last night!

So what do you do when neither you nor the horse are enjoying yourselves?  Stop, take stock, think through the options and 'get off', or 'kick on'?

Last night - I got off!

I'd arrived on time, handed over my hard earned cash, collected my steed - so far so good.  On leading " Mable " to the menage I suspected a problem when she stopped dead in her tracks and refused to budge.  As I stood there feeling a bit of a burk (in front of a small crowd of onlookers) and trying to think through how I was going to get her to move I had a flash back to riding the donkeys on Blackpool beach as a little girl.  The hardest part was not stopping them, but getting them to move in the first place!

Eventually Mable decided to move her well planted feet and we arrived at the menage.  

I mounted and asked her to walk forwards.  After less than 2 laps of the school in walk I spoke aloud that " I don't think this horse wants to be in here, doing this" - here was a horse that didn't want to put one hoof in front of the other!

The trainer informed me that Mable was 7, and was currently in re-schooling'. 

I asked "Why?" 

I was told that she isn't very forward going.  No shit batman!

Less than 8 minutes into the lesson, I was being told id have to administer a "pony club style kick", and to give her a "good smack with the whip".

This was one of those "moments of truth" that marketing consultants talk about... where the customer has a choice to buy a merchants service or product, or not.  It only took a second for me to reply that I was NOT going to administer a pony club style 'boot' as it was her ribs i'd be kicking.  I'm not willing to do that, I told her that's "just not me".

I decided to give her one smack with the whip.  Her reaction prompted my next decision. She didn't buck or rear or spin.  She simply signaled her clear unhappiness by pinning  her ears back, twisting her neck and humping her back. Enough for me to know this horse didn't want to work. She didn't want to please me or respect me or obey me.  She didn't seem to want to know.  Not that I could blame her - who was I to her?  I'd only just appeared in her life, got on her back and started making requests of her.

For a further lap of the school I found myself thinking weird stuff like "don't give up Deb" and "think your way through this" and "you can ride her, just persist".  With each thought followed another contradictory thought saying "enough is enough"!

I turned into the center of the school and told the trainer "we were done."

It did and yet didn't seem like a big deal at the time.  Big- because we were less than 10 minutes into the lesson.  Big; because of the shocked look on her face.  Not big - because neither the horse nor I were enjoying ourselves. If it isn't enjoyable for either of us why would we carry on?

In those few moments, I realised that as a rider we always have choice.  If we are present and in the moment we can chose for ourselves the right course of action and as long as we are willing to be wrong in the pursuit of what is right, we'll be fine.

Deciding to stop the lesson and dismount will appear wrong to many horsemen and women. Attitudes and beliefs about "not letting her get away with that" will no doubt come to mind. I thought it myself (briefly).  But the thought didn't resonate with me for long, didn't feel like me because the truth is that it isn't how I think.  I didn't own it.  These sort of thoughts are the thoughts and sayings donated to me by others in the horse world, passed on over the years. They don't express my attitude or my beliefs. To me, a horse so unwilling to go forward needs help and understanding.  I'd rather teach her that humans can offer compassion, versus teaching her who is the boss.

My final words to the trainer were simply that " I'm not that kind of person, and I don't want to ride a horse with kicks and whips, that's not why I ride"

When I took Mable back to her stable.  I was overwhelmed by a deep feeling of sadness. Once in her stable alone with her, I cried.  I couldn't hold back the tears.  I wasn't even sure why.

Was I picking up on her sadness? Was I crying for all the horses who are repeatedly kicked in the ribs, or whipped to conform? Or was I crying with the realisation that it would have been so easy to follow the trainers instructions and take no responsibility for my own actions.  I would have regretted that but it would have been easy to do, because "kick her" and "make her do..."  is so often the expected thing to do.

It dawned on me that if you know what your intention towards horses are; know why you ride, and what are your limits and boundaries, then I think it makes it compelling and easy to do the right thing for you and the horse, in each moment. 

As our horses would say, "what other moment is there anyway, other than the one we are in right now?" So why not do whatever you can to enjoy it, and let go of 'agenda' or the need to achieve a certain outcome?