Human Myth Carriers

Ever wondered how people can happily leave their horses in stables for most of their lives and how quickly others start to copy?

They say ignorance is bliss!  This may explain why some “horsey people” leave their horse caged up in small square boxes without space to mobilise their large frames, without the company of other horses to physically interact with, or with insufficient forage.   

Some owners it seems simply don’t know any better!  Is it really that simple? 

You can dress it up however you want, but a large animal should not be caged up! I'm sure that's in part why Zoos have been losing their appeal over the years.  We instinctively recognise it's unnatural, yet we can visit the zoo leave unhappy, go back to our yard and not realise we are guilty of the same offence! Weird right?

Sadly such deep seated ignorance is too commonplace in our so-called civilized and intelligent 21st century society.  It shows up not just in a lack of knowing any better, but can be born out of our own actual character types/personality, or inherited myths passed on by those who don't know better.  

We take on those myths as if they are factually correct and our horses welfare suffers.  These myths even satisfy our personality needs.  This is how it gets complicated. Now we can begin to see why and how it's such a deeply ingrained habit and why we don't realise we object about the same things that others do, without realising we are doing them ourselves.  (ie. the Zoo analogy).

So actually for many 'horse lovers' and 'carers' we are already wired in such a way that it fuels our lack of thirst for knowledge and growth, by having other more important deeply seated needs.  This drives our behaviour.  This is what blind us. 

What concerns me is that these myths can stick with us because they appeal to our ego.  The Ego's role in life is to block us from seeing any wrong in what we do and how we behave.  It blinds us to any other way of living (or caring for our horse).  It will deafen us from hearing other possibilities and keep us hidden from meeting new people or coming across new ideas that challenge our thinking.   The Ego needs to stay in control and it does this by sticking with what it knows!

The ego's job is to maintain the status quo  - almost at all costs! 

It provides a false sense of security.

There seem to be 3 common myths that show up as personality types, all of which lack up to date knowledge about a horse’s basic needs, a cosmic sized lack of common sense, and an unwillingness to question how they manage their horses lifestyle, and most importantly....why!  

Apart from that; nothing much to worry about (unless you are a horse and you belong to one of these myth holding characters)! 

As we wake up we  can begin to recognise the Ego at work in others by spotting these different types. If we don't wake up to the outdated nature of our approach to horses we remain like a cluster of mushrooms, trying to grow in the dark.  

Have a look at the 3 myth carrying types of personality described below and see if you recognise any in yourself or others.  If you do, don't worry... help is at hand!

 3 Myth Carrying Character types:

Myth Carrier Type 1: The “Smother Mother ” – often sweet enough and well intentioned but clueless!  These people remind me of road users who dawdle at 30mph oblivious to the wake of disaster they leave behind them.

For these women their horses fulfil an unconscious deep need to be “mummy” - to be loved and have something to love back.  The horse becomes their surrogate child in fur! 

They believe their horse’s attention towards them actually reflects a bond and affection.  It doesn’t!   

Often their horse’s isolation precludes it from the freedom of choosing its companions and with whom to bond.  The resulting bad behaviours - kicking out, wont' stand still, 'general noise' making tendencies are akin to those of a spoilt brat.  (Not the horse's fault). 

The owner (smother mother) becomes the horse's only option for its frantic attention seeking behaviour, which is not to be confused with a true bond, love or a happy well functioning horse.

Sadly, knowing their horse will be ‘looking out over the stable door for them', when they arrive at the yard each day,  provides a temporary satisfaction for their low self-esteem,  unsatisfied childhood wants, and a desperate desire to be needed.

Myth Carrier Type 2: The “Abdicator” – tend to be owners who use every excuse in the book to justify keeping their horse being locked up and take no responsibility for the horse’s true needs!

They explain their actions hiding behind stories of putting their horse’s safety first. They are full of stories about how turning their horse out always results in injury.   

They seem to ignore the fact that if you lock a child up in a bedroom day after day, when they do eventually get out and head to the playground - they go berserk.   

Don’t forget that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  The more scarce something is the more it is sought after!  Again, a misplaced sense of 'doing good for the horse'.

Myth Carrier Type 3: The “Easy Lifer” – people who have horses simply to ride them and maybe compete.  They treat the horse as if it is a machine and so looking after them just becomes a necessary evil!

These owners are motivated by convenience and what is easy for the human!   

They often appear to know very little about the needs of a horse especially for a healthy functioning horse; physically, emotionally, mentally. 

These people can have very low powers of observation about a horse’s health and behaviour. Rather ironic given 'athletic performance' is very much about all the details!

Their addiction to the horse fitting in with their own lifestyle means they don’t turn out because they need their horse handily stabled, like a chauffeur on standby, clean, tidy and ready to be ridden.   

Even stable management is all about convenience.  They still believe that hay nets are good, they  constantly rug up, bandage legs,  and feed at the same time each day. Habits that often are more about minimising human effort, inconvenience and disruption to the rest of their life, than horse welfare.  

(See earlier post about our quest for convenience)

All 3 myth carriers can be infectious!  Approach with care! If you aren't awake and fully responsible for your horse you could end up copying any one of these types simply because it's what you see around you!

How could our 3 "myth carrying types" change?

Quickly, I hope!

All 3 types can change, if they want to, and here’s a 5-step process that can help:

Step 1 "Wake up”! 
To realize how little they think, question and reflect upon what they actually know about horses/ horse care. 

To consider when was the last time they read about horse care, went to a demo, seminar or course and actually learnt something new!  

To read posts like this and notice your first reaction - if you poo poo it - consider why?  Which part of you feels threatened - odds are it will be your Ego!

Step 2 : Coaching
To show people how to map out their beliefs about their horse, horse care and a horses needs. 

Reassessing which beliefs to keep and which to discard!  

This will even include why you have a horse, why you ride, compete etc.  

Dig Deep!

Step 3 : Honesty! 
Giving people a way to discover why they have a horse, what they get out of it and what needs they are trying to fulfil.   

Then to look at the extent to which this is actually being achieved and if not, why not. 

How could keeping a horse be simple, cheaper and yet still be loyal to what a horse really needs for its well-being?

Step 4 : Look for Patterns!
Reflect on who you are when you are around your horse.  

Who are you in other parts of your day/ life?  

Which 'you' do you prefer and why? Actually think about what your horse can teach you about life, yourself,  and horses.

Step 5 : Celebrate! 
Throw yourself into uncertainty, risk, learning to build a new relationship with your horse. 

Don't follow a new route blindly and willingly, be discerning, be evaluative but open minded. 

Actively think about how you will gather evidence that supports (or not) that your horse (and you) are better off, if you implement new ways of existing together. 

Don't do it alone! Seek help. Reach out to others who have a different way or view point.  

Remember a definition of insanity is:

 “continuing to do what we’ve always done, expecting a different result!"

Horse owner’s stick to the traditions and habits of the past, like lemmings heading over the cliff! Yet in today's world of heightened expectations and perceived 'less time' it makes no sense to stick with the past - we expect more from ourselves and from the world,  so how can the 'old ways' bring new results?

Most of what we do with our horses originates from the Military era yet how much of military life is still applicable elsewhere in our lives today?  Not much! Consider  how we run our households nowadays,  how we manage family relationships, or work colleagues?  Its remit is almost non existent - based on outdated command and control principles that most of us rebuff and reject.  It has been replaced by a high need for flexibility.

Maybe Generation Y the so called "rebels" against command and control methods will be the new pioneers advancing our knowledge of what horses really need.  

I hope so, if the future of the Horse is truly to be one of Partnership not just Performance!

I leave you with this final thought to muse on when you next muck out....

"It's not what you DONT know that kills us - it's what we THINK we know that's NOT true!

Its the limits that we put on ourselves that we've been told, 

about how things are supposed to be done!"  

(See also Earlier Post: Energy Matters)

The Emperor's New Clothes

If I had 3 wishes I would use up only 1; 

"for adults to retain the attitude of a child throughout our lives"

As someone who has never chosen to have children of my own it might seem strange to learn that I have a deep affection for what they stand for. Not the survival of the human species (I'm past worrying about that being a planet given entitlement), but because of their honesty.  

I love the unbridled enthusiasm and excitement of children, the ease with which they giggle, their active imagination and their untainted self belief and optimism about their future.  Children love to dream about 'what they want to be when they grow up' believing they can be whatever they wish!

What a gift and for some those dreams come true!

When I was a child I wanted to ride horses professionally when I grew up.  That was all I wanted, although I believe I also had a brief stint wanting to be an astronaut then a trapeze artist.  Both soon fell from glory returning me back to the safety of horses.

Today I no longer want to work with horses. I have horses whom I admire and am so proud of and never do I want to think of it as work.  Nor is riding them holding as much importance these days.

It is with humans that I feel the need to continue to work with.  Only then can I be of service to horses beyond my daily reach and remit.   Just think of all the people you have come across or heard about who abuse horses intentionally or otherwise, knowingly or not, in public or in private.  Imagine if we could reduce the number of incidents dramatically, or eradicate it totally? How much better off would the world be, for horses?

In an earlier blog (cumupense and just deserts) I inserted two videos of natural horsemen/women at their worst; not living their values and not leading by example.  I've been wondering how does this happen and why?

In short, the answer seems to lie in unbridled hurt and pain experienced early in life, that if left unhealed and unresolved shows up time after time in adult life as anger, rage and shame.  The worry is that before any unsuspecting 'equine guru' even realises how angry or full of shame they are - they have done the unspeakable and let it out towards an innocent horse.   Sometimes this is a by product of our Ego (but must not be mistaken as applying only to men).

The known problems with ego include:-

- most of us don't know what or where inside us it it

- we don't know what its purpose is so we fear or deny its existence

- we don't seek help to take it off auto-pilot and onto manual drive and in our control - how can we if we resist or deny it's existence in the first place?

Once we get to grips with these issues, ego ceases to run your life, which means that strong emotions like shame,  anger or rage can surface with more notice, giving us time to chose our response to it and let it out in a safe and respectful manner, if appropriate.

To give some quick guidance on the above questions of Ego - it is inside all of us, not some of us.  Where it hangs out isn't that important.  In my experience its in every cell and fibre of our being and is a summation of our life's experiences especially from our early childhood years. It's purpose is actually simple and noble - it is to keep us safe and help us survive the early years of life.  It teaches us for example how to behave in order to stay safe in a violent household, even if that results in denying our right for freedom of expression, being invisible and hiding ourselves away. 

Our ego keeps us safe so that we can survive.  The problem is that often as adults, the techniques it learnt that served us well as children, tend to have negative consequences in adult life.  Who wants to live with someone whose a black belt at giving you the 'silent treatment' or who flits between passive and passive-aggressive behaviours?  No-one.  Least of all ourselves.  Yet we feel unable to behave differently because, after all,  our ego thinks it's in charge and its priority mission is to keep us safe by doing what it's always done!

Would you give up such an important job without a fight, after decades of practise and responsibility?

We can learn to work with our ego, connecting with it as a real part of ourselves (with a voice and age and emotions),  re-connecting with it during times when it saved our skin as youngsters, through memory. We can  re-write it's role in life and lessening it's power over us by changing the ending of unhappy memories, painful as they are to re-visit at the time.  We can learn to regard our ego with compassion not blame, with understanding not criticism, fear or shame.  See him/her as a vital part of us not an embarrassment to shun.  After this, we are more able to respectfully turn the volume down on him/her when shes all we can hear BEFORE she splatters the person in front of us with her years of suppressed venom!

I have come to believe that many people who work with horses, or the disabled, mentally ill, or children in social care are actually not in a mental state to do so.   I wish it were different.  Maybe I am simply a victim of the media's frenzied attention to the rising incidences of neglect and abuse that are popularised.  Or, maybe I  sense that those who did not experience enough love and safety as children seek out the very same unloving, insecure environments as adults believing whats familiar is therefore safe!

Its a classic case of the blind leading the blind.  How else are so many victimised children visited by social workers and yet the dangers never seen until its too late?

When it comes to working with horses, some will argue that the comparison with abused children or the mentally ill is hardly a valid one.  I guess it depends what fires your sense of moral outrage and despair.  Every cause needs its champions and if Ghandi's view of civilisation lay in its conduct towards animals, we should consider if the future of our children or the mentally ill, is in safe hands at all!

"The greatness of a nation and its morale progress can be judged 

by the way it's animals are treated" 

- Mahatma Gandhi

If like me you tend not to have heroes, it can still be alarming when those who get close to such a heady height fall from grace with a bang.  It's not that we expect perfection, but we do expect humility and when appropriate an apology.    

Knowing when to apologise is a mark of being an adult it's a reflection of our willingness to take full responsibility. I am sickened and saddened when videos are released showing horses being harmed, shaken up, frightened by humans.  I feel bereft when the perpetrators fail to apologise and admit their ego got the better of them.  It might not change my respect for them or their work but it would restore my hope that they do at least know better, right from wrong!

We are all guilty of moments of weakness, folly or showing off.  Humans of both sexes and all ages seem to find it easy to resort to dominating someone/thing smaller or with less freedom than ourselves.  Is this to be our legacy?  Is this how we apply our intellect, reasoning, and problem solving skills?  

I no longer buy into excuses about us playing out our prey instincts.  Bull shit!  We have evolved way beyond hunter gatherer instincts and if we haven't can we please stop telling ourselves we have!  We either have or we haven't.  I think its time we took a long hard look at the evidence on both sides.

It would be arrogant of me to spell out what we should do when we are exposed to acts of cruelty, unchecked anger or bullying.  Doing nothing no longer seems a tenable option.  Humanity seems to be drowning under a sea of rage and mistreatment, wars and torture.  The problem isn't getting better and our desire for sensationalising the stories seems callous and barbaric. 

What Can I do?

1. The call to action is simply to do something or say something if you witness acts of cruelty.  
2. Stay calm, stay respectful to the situation, but don't just turn your back.  
3. Put yourself in the place of the guru, the horse, the horse's owner a year from now when he/she realises the harm inflicted on her horse.  
4. Call a "halt", get people talking, create a pause, for everyone to breath.  
5. Ask a question, to break the emotional state in play.  

...There is so much we can do without really doing much at all.  

Above all, don't be like the Hans Christian Anderson Tale and go along with everyone else just because the person in the arena is called Pat, Monty or the Queen of England!

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Reference Note: The Emperor's New Clothes is a short tale by Hans Christian Andersen about two weavers who promise an Emperor a new suit of clothes that is invisible to those unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent. When the Emperor parades before his subjects in his new clothes, a child cries out, "But he isn't wearing anything at all!"

Ignorance is Bliss!

They Say IGNORANCE is BLISS!

There may be some truth to that...

Before Margrit's visit I was a decent horse owner - I didn't over work my horses; checked weight changes weekly; paid for a professional to massage them every month - and went on as many horse related courses as time and money, would allow.  I'd quickly call a vet if needed and always give my horses proper time off while I was away...  what's good for the Goose etc.!

But there were many things that I was not doing or had not questioned before Margrit's visit.  Like my horses living out 24 x 7.  I had always been on yards where the routine was horses came in around 4pm each day.  Then there was the matter of shoeing.  I'd always had my horses shod because as my vet reminded me only last year "90% of horses in this country are shod".

What's really scary is that when Essy and Solar lived in America they lived out 24 x 7 x 365 days a year.  They lived on a ranch freely roaming hundreds of acres with 50 plus head of horses.  They were loaded en mass, into a trailer four times a week to travel to play polo.  They wore no head collars in the trailer nor travel boots.  In the fields they wore no rugs or fly fringes.  Naked ruled!

Yet, as soon as I brought them to live in England, I succumbed to our British traditions and piled on the layers, tied them up to transport them robbing them the freedom to find their balance. I stuck to human convenient feed times and wrapped them up in cotton wool for turn out with leg boots to look like the Michelin Man!

I had seen a different way of life in America but still didn't even STOP to consider my options once I was back in the UK.

I can't say I was subject to some big bullying oaf telling me  'it's his way or the high way' - I just slipped right back into how things are done without regard for if there was a reason why?

This is why I dislike  mediocrity, convention and rules, because it kills curiosity! Yet it's even worse when you realise you hate rules but you're the one now following them!

So is 'not knowing better than knowing and worrying?'  

In an earlier blog (what we resist, persists) - I fessed up about my habitual worry head nature. Of all the changes I've made and of all the insights Ive gained since Essy spoke with Margrit, one of them has actually reduced my need to worry.  It is this; now I know I can communicate with my horses.  So I do!  With intention, care, and conscious thought.  Perhaps more important is that I now wait for a response.  It might be a nod, or snort, a change in breathing, 'state' or expression.  By standing back, pausing and giving my horse space to 'hear me' - I am giving myself space to listen and look for a reply.

Suddenly moving yards ten days ago wasn't a big deal.  Ive never been so calm.  I had explained to each of my horses what would happen, why we were moving,  and I'd carried a mental picture of where we were going to be living so they could share that image, in advance of arriving.

If horses are like children - wouldn't some explanation and re-assurance be something a decent parent would offer their kid during times of unrest or change?  I'm not suggesting our horses are children in any way, but if we are supposed to love them AS IF they are .... we should honour them with the same respect.

Knowing that I can communicate with my horses and that they can react back means I no longer have to carry all the weight of the world on my shoulders. Horse ownership has at times felt like a massive weight to bear -  their health and welfare in my hands!  Once you have real communication (2 way) in any relationship the responsibility is shared, providing everyone is being honest!  Fortunately horses are always honest.  Question is are we?  Developing real conversations with my horses is making "honesty" a daily habit!

All 3 of them loaded within moments to move yard.  Grace hasn't loaded in over 2 years and Solar in nearly 4 years.  Last time we moved yard it took 3.5 hours to load Solar!  The difference now?  She's older, less fit for travel - which should have made it another long session.  What else was different? We talked! I asked her to trust me, I explained what would happen, that Essy and Grace were all coming too.

Essy poor boy, last time I loaded him in August was to have a hole drilled into his head so if anyone had reasons to not load it was him!  I had the same conversation with him too, only adding the promise of no hospital, no drill, no headache and no pain.  He walked straight up the ramp!

In the spirit of honesty then ignorance is bliss;  it reduces the number of decisions to be made.  It maintains the status quo.  It reduces our options and choices.  It avoids change.  It enables us to stay safe and 'fit in with others' and can stop us making an ass of ourselves or going it alone!

Conversely, ignorance is no excuse! It stifles curiosity, stymies our growth, and keeps us metaphorically asleep! Ignorance will dismiss intuition and deny us a way to integrate aspects of our life. It also opens up the possibility of regret!

We can of course continue to put our heads in the sand and plug our fingers in our ears...

Or, 

...we can seek to be what I term "map makers" and  carve out the route ahead. Take each turn in the road as it comes, and erect our own land marks along the way.  Finding our own 'path' guarantees a bespoke adventure and only tailor made solutions can ever meet our very individual life needs.

Time to stop hiding in the flock, take a risk and fly!

Waking up and connecting with our selves, our families, and the potential in our lives, requires our horse to be firmly in the center.  He is the catalyst for revealing more of who we are.  He or she will help us to transfer learning and skills across different landscapes: work, family, home, and sport.  He shows us what we are avoiding and reminds us how to help others be the best they can be!  All without expectation in return.

To be or not to be.... Direct?

One of the fascinations for me with horses is their honesty.  

 The speed with which they give us feedback.  Their ability to not hold grudges.  Their forgiveness.  Their empathy.  Their selfish ability to put their needs first (spook, run, fidget, shake, snort...).  All of which suggests they are masters at  being 'direct'.

You might prefer to think of 'directness' as assertive, forthright or even selfish or rude.  Any of those might fit.  So do you believe that being direct is a good or bad thing?  Do you strive towards being more of it or run away from it?  Is it a quality to be cherished, nurtured, and developed?  Do we secretly enjoy the bravery of others who are it, but punish them outwardly when they do so?  Do we know when we are doing it and with what impact? Does it suit some situations well and others less so? Can we be discerning enough to know the difference?

In my coaching work, whenever someone asks me if they are being 'too direct' its as if they've asked me if I want honesty or only partial honesty.  Why would I want less than the real thing?   The clue is in the use of the word 'too' direct.  For anything to be too much,  too little, too silly, too childish.... implies we are making a comparison.   So, I like to know what is being compared with what? Or with whom and why?

Most of us struggle to be specific about the 'who' or the 'what'.  We end up swimming in a verbal stream of some people don't like it, you lose friends, it makes you seem undiplomatic etc. etc.  This is probably true.  Yet its also true that we could experience all of that by being not direct enough!

At the end of the day people who are direct often have things to say.  Points of view that might be eye opening.   Passionate feelings about something or someone that could inspire action in others.  They may have a vision that will shift paradigms, or a story to tell that touches the heart.

You've probably guessed that I enjoy the company of people who are direct.  It gives me a quick way to decide how much of my time I want to spend hanging out with them.  If only dating had been that easy or interviewing for a job!

A dose of straight up talking has provided me with the most valuable lessons in my adult life so far.  It's given me the choice to face demons, the chance to dig deep and to keep searching for answers and meaning so I could enjoy more of the good things in life.  Most of all some people are here as 'map makers' they create new territories for others to follow if they chose.  No one is forced to follow or listen, but if the map they creates should fall into our hands I highly recommend we take a look at least!