The Voice

I lost my voice on January 25th 2016.  Essy passed over.

I have been unable to write about it and for the most part I haven't been able to talk about it. 

Solar Sue, Essy and I had been a herd together for 19 years, It is unfathomable when one of you leaves, to conceive how those left behind will be able to move on. The route forwards was one day at a time and initially one hour at a time.

In loosing my own voice I stifled Essys.  This is my first blog posting since his passing. It is important that I give him his voice back and in so doing, open up the stage for other horses to be heard.

Why am I writing now?  Am I 'recovered' ? Has the sense of hurt and loss diminished?  Not for one second.  I am tearful every single day at not having his physical presence close by.  His cheeky ways, his love of putting our heads together and closing our eyes and being still; and his ability to make me roar with laughter.  He brought the Old Woman into my world of horses for the first time in 40 years.  How do you ever get to a place where you no longer miss that? How do you ever stop needing and wanting that?

It has been even more important than ever for me to listen to Solar Sue and Grace.  I knew I had to avoid trying to replace how Essy and I were together by copying or projecting it onto them.  The journey Essy kick started me on in 2010 has helped me discover so much about 'the horse' and how much they have to say to us,  and how individual they are.  Fortunately that continues through Solar and Grace and I cherish each relationship for it's uniqueness.

Our journey hasn't been documented by the BHS, you don't study or learn it  - it is a life experience and therefore is different for each of us.  Parenting is probably a similar journey.  Sure their are experts and guidelines and 'clubs' and help groups to join but none of them help you become present and put your ego to one side. None of them teach you 'non interference' as Wayne Dyer talked about.

Most significantly none of these learning methods encourage you to give your horse (or child) their voice, their true voice without desire to change them or have them conform to some generalised standard or expectation.

Fundamentally - a horse's voice is not given it is allowed.  

Their voice is accepted when it is offered, without judgement or criticism.  Unlike in the TV programme 'The Voice' if you allow your horse their voice there is no going back!  You don't get to vote if you like it or not.  You can't select to keep it or discard it.

Once your horse realises his/her voice is being heard, the connection and communication you have together is extraordinary.   You will have days where you think you have opened pandora's box as life changes to become much more of a 'joint discussion'.  Gone are the days where what you want; rules.  It's now teamwork every day in every way!  If your horse doesn't want to.... isn't willing to... isn't up to.... he or she will let you know but never in a way that harms you.  Those are the moments that will test if you really do want your horse to have a voice.  If you 'push on' and ignore him/her - there will be consequences.  Or, you can show you are listening, and that you understand the importance of choosing to be together from a place of willingness versus domination.

Listening to your horse is no different from consensual sex versus rape.

It really is that black and white when you allow a horse their voice.

To the BHS trained, traditional horse people it will sound like 'you are letting the horse have his way' and you will be criticised for not 'making your horse' do things you want.  When this happens and it will, I recommend you smile.  Take heart and comfort knowing that yes, they are right!  And... as a result of you not forcing your wishes upon your horse, or trying to know better than your horse, the friendship you and your horse will have goes far beyond the imagination of those 'informed people' and their over controlling fear based egos.

The voice of your horse is a gift.  It is there waiting to be heard.  All you have to do is step back, stop thinking, acting and demanding, and... observe!  Quietly observe, don't stop noticing, and learn!

A voice is a gift we all have - all of creations creatures

Essy was one of the best friend I ever had.  That doesn't change or decrease with his passing.  Grace and Solar are also my best friends.  My friendship with them is unique to each.

We are all blessed with this ability to forge deep friendships with more than one person or animal.  There is no limit to our capacity.  We have no need to compare our friendships or try to have carbon copy relationships.  Whether we need one best friend or several is not the point. If we allow ourselves to listen to others we will remember how to feel close again.  We will suddenly realise that once again life is moving on,  just as it should, and yes quieter some days but always we have that person or horses voice in our heads to accompany us and keep us company.

I thank Essy again, this time by leading the way in his passing earlier this year.  His earlier passing has helped me this week to be real with my own emotions and to have compassion for how others are feeling when faced with a sudden and unjust loss of a much loved husband, father, grandfather, friend and neighbour.

Every moment of their despair I've felt. I've had a strong and calm sense of when to act and when to step back and allow.  I've felt the ease that comes with releasing my own tears unashamedly and not trying to be strong or 'keep it together' for protocol our out of some old fashioned belief that that is how we help others when grieving.    I've known the speed with which regrets, self punishment and recrimination sets in and have acknowledged that feeling in others and encouraged them see it's not true. 

I may not have got it all right this week but there is no right.  There is just honesty.  Pure open honesty that comes from knowing your own heart and allowing your voice to express what is in your heart, so others can find theirs too, if they seek it.

At a time when my human family adjusts to our deep sadness and loss at losing a loved one I have had my friend Essy's voice in my head helping me move slowly forwards. 

Thank you wonderful boy!

With love to Celia and Susan, Ian, David, Emma and Mathew at our time of loss x

Let Food (or Parelli) Be Your Medicine said Hippocrates!

Last night I was asked "If I miss riding" (given that Essy and Solar Sue are retired and Grace is currently not in work).

I thought for a second then realised that actually "no; I don't'!

I do miss playing polo.  I miss some aspects of riding such as the thrill of speed and power, and I do miss looking forward to riding, but because I expect to be riding again, I've not considered 'not riding', until tonight. 

So what is my 'food' equivalent for my well being if I'm not riding? If we aren't riding our horses what's the point of having them?

Truth is I'm having a blast just enjoying spending time with them, observing them,  'being' with them,  sitting in the field with them, watching them graze, learning Parelli, practising 'in-hand' and letting them self select their herbs.

Honestly I don't know how I ever found the time to ride in the first place!

My summer has been full of 'mental and soul food' : I've had new horizons and learning opportunities open up for me, including Animal communicators, Herbalists, Homoeopathic Vets and inspiring women saving Pandas, Lions and Whales.

I've been on courses that have expanded my awareness into all sorts of new directions that are nurturing this blog. I've been joined by a new found interest in horses from my elderly mum, and we've been on walks with the horses exploring the property.

My knowledge of food as a medicine for my horses has come on leaps and bounds after time spent with James Hart: a wonderful man whose career is a work of art for horse health and well being.  What he doesn't know about herbs isn't worth a bird song.

A day spent brewing herbs in neat Gin really was my idea of  'navana'!

As an example, I learned....

1. Ginger has over 500 compounds in it - so much diversity that it's resistance free
2. St John's Wort is prescribed 10 x more in Germany than Prozac as an anti-depressant
3. Nettles prevent kidney stones
4. Ragwort is a bi-annual so once it flowers and dies it's done
5. Comfrey is superior to diclofenac in studies conducted in 2007
6. Valerian is FEI banned because it works as a calmer
7. Products with extract ratios higher than 1:10 is a waste of money
8. Neem Oil and Wormwood are great for Fly control
9. Raw cabbage (not red) is great for ulcers
10. Nettles have higher Vit C level than any other fruit
11. Calendular Macerate prevents proud flesh (testing this out with Essy's head wound now)

Instead of riding, time spent hand grazing Essy for 2 hours a day has given me plenty of thinking and observation time.  It's been a tonic to have the chance to watch the clouds roll by;  a murder of crows pick at a field; rabbits scampering around and Red Kites call as they soar above. 

I've read books while we graze and composed blogs in my head. I've noticed Plantain now growing in the fields, and noted which of my horses savours which parts of a thistle plant.

As Pat Parelli says "the best place to develop a relationship with a horse is on the ground".  That's lucky for me right now!  He also says "Relationships first".

There are days where I feel my ridden work has for sure gone forwards one step and backwards 3 steps! But our relationships the four of us, and the three of my horses together, has grown notably.

If I am to put principles into practise that resonate like the Parelli "Good, Better, Best, never let it rest" concept, then I'm reminded that where we are today is heading towards a better place, right before the best of places, and once we're there there, they'll be another level to start us off again.

Today, Grace couldn't maintain mental stability in her circle pattern work on a long line. Whether or not I miss riding; I'm not going to get on her when something or nothing sets her off and both front feet go vertical into the air.  Control over my horse's feet is important to me before riding Grace again.

The pair of us need to get our act together if we are to be partners when I'm in the saddle.  Grace chooses when to pay attention. I drive my car drifting in and out of attention! Neither of us have our mental game together yet.  Time is the one thing that I want to use to our advantage so that we can come to understand each other better and both grow smarter along the way.

The food that I want to be my medicine is that in whatever my horses and I do, that my horses get all the credit and none of the blame and we all have fun in the process!

F for Freedom

The more I journey into greater awareness of our Horse's needs the more I realise how asleep I've been, until now!

A horse has 3 vital needs:

1. freedom to roam, 
2. free access to forage (i.e. unlimited not inexpensive)!
3. friends (horses) to connect and contact with

So how similar our the needs of us humans to that of the horse?  In my opinion the answer seems to be VERY....

Looking first at "freedom", history offers many inspirational people and events to show us its importance...

 Emancipation of the Serfs

 Martin Luther King

 Emily Pankhurst

 Nelson Mandella

 Gay rights activists

Human history is peppered with bold and creative stories of individuals or groups striving to achieve freedom for self, or others. Our liberty extends beyond being a principle or need, it is a basic human right that appauls us if absent.

" Exemption from external control"

Freedom in the dictionary is defined as 'exemption from external control'.  In our daily lives this shows up in many ways - we have the freedom to roam and set up home where we chose, and with whom we chose; we are free to chose if we work, have freedom in how we dress, what we eat, how we exercise (if at all), what medical help we seek or accept; freedom of expression, and the freedom to  'find oneself'. 

How would you feel if you lost your freedom? Facing the potential loss of a driving license for many of us throws us into despair at the sense of imposed confinement and loss of choice. We hear on the TV of young girls forced into unhappy even abusive marriages, and we read of hostage taking or incarcerations in the name of Anti Terrorism.

In such circumstances how long would you want to keep 'giving your best'?  Would life seem rich in quality? Would you trust those around you? Would you fulfill your potential or have the resilience to carry on trying? 

The consequence to our human soul and spirit if we lose our freedom can be devastating.  Some of us wouldn't survive; giving up; our spirit broken. Perhaps this sounds familiar when horses spirits were deliberately broken in order that we could ride them.  In remembering the Horse's 3 needs we realise that they often don't have their first need: freedom. Sometimes they don't have it for the duration of their life!  So, why wouldn't the loss of such a fundamental need have an equally destructive effect on them, as it has upon us?

Consider the lifestyle of many horses today...

•  They are moved about the country, or world, with no say on where or when
• They are bought and sold with no say in by whom
• They have no control over a lifestyle spent indoors or outdoors 
• Are often kept isolated from contact with other horses
• Told when they can or can't run!
• Have a limited chance to self medicate and select natural remedies
• Exist without permission to self express; kick, leap, buck, rear, twist and turn whenever they want
•  Have no choice of 'mate' 
• No say in their quantity of offspring
• No enforced 'retirement' age
• Don't know that their schooling and education will one day be over

Are horses exempt from external control? Are they free to be happy?  Can they freely express who they are and be themselves? If not, how reasonable are we being species to species to expect them to trust us, reward us, partner with us, perform for us, obey us and succeed for us?

If the above list sounds exaggerated - that would be a good thing for our horses.  It's only when we take a moment to look at the life of our cherished friends using a self made list like the one above, that we can step back and address our horses' first need: that of freedom! Taking stock has got to be a good thing in the long run, its when we fail to stop and observe - that things can go from bad to worse in our own lives and perhaps for our horses too.

Ironically, many humans are drawn to horses because they represent freedom - images of the wind running through their manes and our hair.  Their freedom is an especially enticing one; being full of power, elegance, kindness and nobility.  Surely its time we returned back to them some of those characteristics and let them find more freedom in their daily lives with us.  Helping our horses experience their heritage might allow us to seek more ways to feel free in our lives.  Free from pressure, opression, duty, obligation, and the need to fulfill the expectations of others.

Essy expressed his desire to be free from ridden work and the saddle.  I've honoured that.  Instead we are forming a new partnership in hand and with walks around the Estate.  The benefits for me have been a sense of slowing down, relaxation and more time spent in nature with nature.

So far so good!