The Art of Non Interference

"Do or do not. There is no try"  

 

- Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

During the winter months taking hay to hungry neglected horses you wouldn't be human if on occasion you don't feel some anger at the situation these horse are in because of other humans.  You find yourself thinking uncharitable thoughts like:-

"How come someone owns these horses but has shirked their responsibility?"

"if I abandoned my horses, I bet I wouldn't be so lucky to have someone else pick up the responsibility and cost for feeding them!"

You know its uncharitable, but you can't help but feel the injustice as some people sail through life casting their responsibilities aside (lucky enough to have horses in the first place), whilst others pick up more than their fair share of duty and obligation in their wake.

No one likes a moaner and least of all a self righteous one, or a victim but I began to wonder if acting with the right intention was enough, or was I in some way facilitating another person's negligence?  I began to wonder:-

"How can I feed these horses, and at the same time help the owner wake up to his responsibilities?"

The key was to find a way to help those in need (the field of 12 in this case) whilst somehow helping the owner to step up too!

I puzzled for hours, and discussed it with others much wiser than myself, but I couldn't come up with any bright ideas.  No reverse psychology seemed to fit the situation.

Then, suddenly I didn't have to!

Quite literally, as I mulled on this dilemma over and over,  questioning the sustainability of my actions, the owner suddenly began feeding hay to his horses!  He has continued to do so once a week ever since, including today.

I know horse people will crow that 'once a week isn't enough',  however, it is a lot of hay he puts in the field each time and it does last them 3 to 4 days. And, after all...

Small seeds grow into strong trees (or something like that)

How did this suddenly happen?  What did I do and what can I share to others who find themselves caught in the same emotional trap?

The answer is "NOTHING!"

For most of us, our default approach to life and problems is about doing something, taking action or making someone else do something or take action!  The solution in this case seemed to come from the reverse.  It came from a place of doing nothing. 

What do I mean?

Both this herd of horses and my own herd of three seem to be teaching me the value and importance of non action.  Doing nothing almost forces you to step back from the scenery and see the whole landscape! (Its surely a great goal in life to see more of the landscape every time we stop to look).

I am learning that to do nothing when normally I would do something, means I have to be in a place of acceptance.  I have to let go.  I have to stop trying to control or interfere.  Just think for a moment how hard this is as a concept to live by.  Someone cuts you up on the road and you .... accept it and let him/her go without reprisal!  Your boss at work gives you a hard time without merit and you ... step back to look beyond the hurt and anger, to see what lessons you can learn.  A close friend breaks an important commitment to you and you... look at it from their perspective not yours. 

You'd have to be Mother Theresa right?

Maybe, or maybe not!

If action junkies like myself living as my music teacher described just yesterday "at such a high octane level" - can pause and stop, then anyone can! 

In the road rage, or badly behaving boss situation we accept through compassion.  In the friendship scenario, we see the landscape when we wish to be of service to that friend, unconditionally.

It seemed that the more I let my feelings of anger towards the herd's owner slip away and not hold me in it's grip, and the more I thought about offering love and help to the horses, instead of anger at their plight, the more the owner's thinking shifted too. 

Is it possible that when we change our thinking the world responds also?  Is it possible that sending out feelings of love, compassion, support and kindness reaps more of the same in return? 

All that I did was let go of feelings of wrong doing, and betrayal, replacing them with love and belief that it would all be ok, and it was ok!

I am an amateur in the world of non interference and doing nothing.  I make no claims of a grand vision or euphoric sense of enlightenment.  I am more curious than ever about what's recently been happening and how these horses have shown up in my life and in return are showing me how to lead a better life.

What I can confess is that this is not a new phenomena for me.

As I've matured in my business behaviour at work over the years, I've learnt many times the value of doing nothing, letting an email just sit for a while before responding, or letting a fire burn itself out without my adding any fuel on top! 

At home I've learnt the importance of extracting myself from a verbal battle, to find a calm spot, focus on what is really important and dig deep into the underlying paranoia driving my extreme outbursts.  Returning to the conversation to understand versus score points.

I just never realised before now that centring on giving yourself some inner peace, feeling what you feel but not always acting upon that feeling, and having the choice to do so or not, is  a vibrant way to live.

Maybe like fire flies at night, if we go there first - to a better place of thought and feeling, then we can become a vibrant light, a beacon for others to follow too?

In the Bible Mathew told us to  "love thine enemy".  Sometimes that ship has sailed on by and I can't promise to feel that for the owner of the herd of 12, however, I do believe what Barbara DeAngelis said:-

We can't save people.

We can only love them.

But that love is enough.

And, as Willa Cather said:-

"Where there is great love, there are always miracles".

I continue to believe in miracles and am now on the look out for them more and more each day.

Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil ... can lead to some wrong choices!

Think about what we say, read and do and all those times were being silent or doing nothing won't be of help and won't lead to an improvement!

It is easy to be critical.  It is also easy to read something without paying any attention to what is actually written.   This can result in us getting swept along in a tide of attractive words to suddenly find ourselves way out of our depth or lost at sea, heading the wrong way!

What am I talking about?   This post is my own 'wake up' call to read materials carefully and to really consider what is being said and sometimes more importantly what is NOT being said, but SHOULD be said!

This post is about words, how easily we use them and how carelessly we read them.  It has been prompted by a  Face book page I came across this week, promoting a Natural Horsemanship Competition taking place in the UK, this weekend.  It's called Horseman's Calling. It's strap line (which I assume, like all marketing strap lines are meant to be, is a claim, benefit or intention) in this case reads.... "For the Good of the Horse".

I went onto their website page to find out more about the event.  As I read the description on the "About us" page, I began to question if what I was reading was providing me with compelling evidence that the event would be 'living' up to its' strap line, and if so,  exactly how?

My conclusion was no! Here's why:

I don't believe the event is selling what it advertises in terms of being "for the good of the horse".  

I do believe it has the intention of bringing together people interested in the terms 'Natural Horsemanship'.  

I fear it may deliver a single minded, and already out of date view of what 'natural horsemanship' is and can be.

To me it just isn't selling what it advertises, in fact the horse and what's good for it, hardly seems to feature.  

   

I will now be very boring and spell out exactly how I came to this conclusion. 

Below are several sentences taken from the Event website.  I have written down at the side of each one, the questions or disagreements it raised or posed for me as I read them.

As you read the statements, do you see what I see, or do you see something else?  I have no idea if my reactions are correct.  Sadly, I couldn't attend the event to find out first hand, as I've not been free this weekend to go.

In general, I believe it is often more honourable to criticise something when you've been, seen, heard and actually experienced it for yourself, so I did not publish this post BEFORE the event took place as that seemed a little unfair, and I have no desire to rain on their parade, just to help us open our eyes and think about what events like this are really offering and actually presenting us with.

The opening text form the landing page of Horseman's Calling reads:

"Horseman's Calling is a unique competition and test of horsemanship skills, plus an amazing series of demonstrations, aiming to provide education and entertainment. Run over two days the competition is the ultimate test of natural horsemanship".

Our planet is full of examples in nature of animals competing against one another for food, mates and survival.  Humans too fight for wealth, dominance, power, love, a mate, religion, beliefs, freedom etc,.  So the words Natural and Competition in the same sentence easily go unnoticed as we read these words whilst on 'auto-pilot'.  We recognise the words, their existence in life today and thereby we accept their presence in the same sentence.  We read them and our inner voice goes .. "oh yeah, ok, sounds great", without any thought to the meaning of what's really being said.

People say 'the devil is in the detail' so the table below outlines 14 sentences on the Event website that I believe contradict the event being about "the good of the horse".  Here they are:

“A unique competition and test of horsemanship skills…”	Do horsemanship have to be about ‘skills’ and ‘tests’? Haven’t we evolved beyond that by now?  Why can’t we learn a skill, observe it in action, teach it to others and advance it without  tests which creates winners and losers, competition and comparison?
	Surely every time we seek to test and prove ourselves, to someone,  we are being driven and trapped into behaviours that our ego desires, fuelled by needs such as showing off, achieving recognition,  fame, fortune or at least a few fans to boost our damaged self esteem!
	I wonder if this sentence fits within the definition of horsemanship?  Penn State College of Agricultural Science believe it to be about (and I quote) "a planned progression of horse handling and riding skills, with an emphasis on safety and eduction, not competition"!
"Aiming to provide an education and entertainment..."	This brings to mind images of clowns throwing custard pies! Putting education and entertainment together feels a little disrespectful.  I see nothing wrong in having some fun as we learn but it doesn't say that.
"The ultimate test of natural horsemanship..."	That's a big claim! It's also very limiting.  Is it suggesting that there can be no greater test?  That has to assume we have learnt all there is to learn right? Wrong! We've only just begun our journey with the horse in relative terms of how much we actually know and perceive.
	I have no idea what legitimate role 'tests' have in the arena of natural horsemanship.  We don't test women for natural childbirth - can you imagine "sorry love that bit when you stopped breathing - can you do it again but this time..." or "good effort; better luck next time" or "sorry, baby has to go back in you didn't pass on this occasion"!!
	The only people who love 'tests' are the ones who come up with them, or the cocky sods who think they'll pass! As if life is about passing MAN MADE tests!
"extra twists to challenge the trainers"	Is this about for the 'Good of the horse' or a game of Indiana Jones?  So far, the horse, his well being, his spirit or nature hasn't been mentioned.  Yet I thought that was at the heart of natural horsemanship.
	My inherent dislike for 'challenging trainers' is that it encourages the ego.  It's promotes nothing more than a game of who is better or the best. When in the moment of a challenge, not many people can step back, observe, think new thoughts, break new ground and listen.  Most resort to 'technique-ing' their way out of the situation.  This is not promoting the future of the industry or the horse.  We need to be careful of such habits.
"this.... event will be presented by industry experts"	Interesting appearance of the word 'industry'.  I'm not sure I want to think of my relationship with my horse as an 'industry'.
	Anyway, who are these 'experts' and who appointed them as such? What criteria was used in that decision making process?  How transparent are we being here about the heroes and gurus pro porting to be experts?
	Industry is about goods and services, and charging for them. If there really is an industry for Natural Horsemanship - what would it say on the tin? I hope making money and selling the event isn't the primary focus here! If we do want an 'industry' behind us then let's hope it's first role is to set some standards and governance in place so that gurus aren't simply those with magnetic smiles and lots of war stories!
	Substance not form is what we need in the horse world.  We have enough gadgets and training methods, which fit beautifully into an industry but not into developing inter species relationships (in my view).
"...we hope to grow... and involve as many different countries, trainers and methods..."	This suggests the event is about people more than horses.  About training not understanding. About methods not an experience!  I'd have felt it was more in line with it's promise (strap line) if it has said something like: "we hope to grow our understanding of the nature of horses, by working with horses of all backgrounds, sizes, types and ages, so that through a joint experience and observation, we can collectively leave with a desire to continue to learn about, and not assume we know best, when it comes to our horses' needs".

“…we hope to grow…. and involve as many different countries, trainers and methods…”	In my experience different trainers and methods tend to contradict one another, -       I am worried that 'different trainers' could end up with nothing more than a variety of chaps, belts, tassel's, accents and silly hats - each with a book to flog, leaving the audience confused about the best way with their horse!
“…well known established trainers the chance to show and prove their skills…”	-     What does the audience get out of this? Where is the focus on stepping out of existing comfort zones and exploring new terrain?  To take our thoughts and understanding beyond where it is today is surely how we’ll get closer to ‘the good of the horse’! -     I don’t warm to horse events that focus on the human proving something about what they can ‘do’ with or to a horse, versus what the human is learning, and what the horse's experience of it all is like. -      Wouldn’t it be wonderful if an audience of a couple of hundred spent a half-day quietly observing horses in nature, in a pasture, being horses, and then contemplating and discussing what they noticed and how that could advance our thinking about them ‘for the good of the horse’?
“…all for the good of the horse…”	-     140 words into the website and 10 lines down before we see mention of the event being about the "good of the horse".  Why doesn’t this (its’ apparent focus) feature earlier and lead the entire event description? -      So far, it’s not been a feature and as a result I still don’t know how it’s going to be achieved.
“…be tasked with starting two young horses…”	The word ‘tasked’ is interesting.  It can conjure up an expectation of ‘doing’ ‘trying’ ‘effort’ ‘accomplishing’.  Is that how we want to describe ‘natural horsemanship’?    -      Surely Natural Horsemanship should have at its core – words like ease, effortless, simple, honest, pure, comfort etc.? -     If we see things as tasks we’ll only ever try to ‘get them done’ and a relationship with a horse isn’t something we can tick (or check) off on our daily list of ‘to do’s’.   -
“… challenges devised to showcase the talents of the trainer...”	-      I’d like to watch trainers learning about a horse, not applying their particular method.  You see if we each have a hammer, we go around looking for a nail!   I’m interested in developing my own ability to learn about horses, unlearn some knowledge I may carry that is flawed, and be able to apply the art of learning into new situations with horses. A given gadget or method simply won’t work all of the time with all of the horses and for all of the people. -      How many of us will get long lasting value by watching someone do his or her ‘pre-determined’ thing?  When others do that, how ‘in the moment’ are they?  Are they awake, listening to the horse in front of them in that moment?  Some might be but many wont’ as they are too focused on what comes next in their process!  I fear that well-known horsemen are under pressure to stick fiercely to their process or system as that’s what the crowds have come to see!  Where is the focus on the horse in that dynamic?
“Don’t miss your chance to witness the ultimate natural horsemanship…”	-     That’s a strong claim!  It feels arrogant because I hope that we are not yet at the pinnacle of all our knowledge about horses and horsemanship. I suspect we are only at the beginning.  We have so much more to learn.  Much more learning and un-learning to realise!  To think otherwise is arrogant, boring and uninspiring (to me)!
“…who will rise to the challenge…”	-      These are words that are full of comparison and competition.  i.e. Ego driven.  It is the subliminal language of winners and losers.  I suspect the real losers could be the horses even those in the hands of the winners! -      It’s hard to learn, grow and advance when you are put into a competition mode. If the trainers aren't there to learn - they won't be present.  If they aren't present they are unlikely to be connected with, and focused on the horse. Be definition the real challenge is lost.
“Each individual trainer or clinician works with the horses' welfare”	-      This is the first and only time the words ‘horses’ welfare’ appear and it is 3 sentences from the end, not the beginning! It can’t be the real focus therefore. -     I am curious about why the word ‘clinician’, which has suddenly appeared and I presume is to add some claim of status, legitimacy or authority to the event. A clinician “is a health care practitioner that works as a primary care giver of a patient in either a hospital setting, pre-hospital setting, clinic setting…” Is that relevant here? Is that really what they wanted to say?   Ironically, maybe it is. Many domesticated horse are already 'hospitalized' (metaphorically speaking), on box/bed rest, with limited choice of diet, pulled, prodded and probed by others without choice. If that is part of our reality today, with our horses, what a great opportunity to open our eyes to that and to collectively, without judgement, seek ways to change it? -

Bottom line I think the text has been written very well by a wonderfully energetic, enthusiastic wordsmith.  However, it has not been written to target an audience of sentient beings who have a deep understanding of the needs of a horse or a passion to further that understanding. 

In my opinion, it has not been written with an agenda that actually delivers on it's promise "for the good of the horse".  It is teaming with language that focuses on humans, not horses.  On tests, challenges, twists and other clever sounding words that detract from learning, understanding, compassion, connection and relationship building.

To me, it is not written with a connection to 'natural horsemanship' or at least my view of what natural horsemanship could be about if we allowed ourselves (all of us) to imagine we can think beyond today's modern thinkers.

It could have been written by anyone. So I imagine 'anyone' will attend.  Their motives for doing so?  I don't know.  Boredom, somewhere to go, to be entertained without responsibility?  Any of the above are cruel sounding and yet probable and possible.

That's the wonderful thing about paying attention to language and words, written or spoken - it can open up so many more conscious choices for us, raise questions and help us to think about our expectations.  Ultimately, this enables us to make better decisions and use our precious time and money wisely!

Rather than be a total kill joy, my motive behind this post is about wanting to take more responsibility for the things I follow, ensuring it really is doing what it pro ports to do so that I, for one, can get better at supporting people, ideas and events that really are...

doing "Good for the Horse!"

Our Quest for Convenience

Arguments of convenience lack integrity and inevitably trip you up.

Donald Rumsfeld

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/convenience.html#OUtPkxyhmtGcE3LK.99

Arguments of convenience lack integrity and inevitably trip you up.

Donald Rumsfeld

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/convenience.html#OUtPkxyhmtGcE3L

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments 

of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and convenience"  

 

- Martin Luther King

 

My years living in Texas taught me many times over that my American friends live for convenience.  I must confess that it can be very appealing, until you stop to question why!  Only when we question what we do, and why, can we see that convenience might cause us to deceive ourselves.

Convenience means, "the state of being able to proceed with something without difficulty".  

This quest for convenience used to show up on a daily basis in my coaching work with people who would ask me what " 4 step Model" I use to change a person? Or, wanting to know exactly how long it would take to change the habit of a lifetime! You see where I'm going with this...?  Convenience can quickly start to become a substitute for taking personal accountability.  So what starts out as a desire to make life easier for ourselves, can rapidly lead us down a path of less convenience and irrelevance!

I've often found myself wondering where this lust for convenience comes from and if it doesn't take some of the joy out of living life, with all its ups, downs and quirks along the way?

How do we learn without taking the wrong turn now and then? How will we problem solve complexity if we only relate to simplicity?  How will we handle environmental change, diverse relationships, new technologies and inter species co-habitation, if it doesn't come with a 3 step 'How To' Guide? 

Today, for some reason, I found myself having an imaginary conversation with an imaginary non horsey person (both roles being played by me) - maybe I was feeling a little bored!!! 

The conversation went like this...

Me 1 to Me 2:       "Why do we put horses in stables?"

Me 2 to Me 1:       "So they are clean when we want to ride them?"

Me 1 to Me 2:        "Ok. So why do we put them in stables for hours - all day or all night?"

Me 2 to Me 1:        "Um,...so they are ready for us to ride them when we need to??"

(I started to sound a bit wobbly already....)

Me 1 to Me 2:         "So, in the middle of the night you may need to ride?..."

Me 2 to Me 1:         "Of course not, its just that we might need to ride early in the morning"

Me 1 to Me 2:        "And that's a problem why?"

Me 2 to Me1:         "They might be dirty and muddy if they aren't already in"

Me 1 to Me 2 :       "And that's a problem why"

Me 2 to Me 1:        "We may lack time in the morning to clean them"

Me 1 to Me 2:       "What even in the summer?"

Me 2 to Me 1:       "Ok usually not in the summer"

Me 1to Me 2:        "And what about horses that aren't being ridden (for whatever reason)?"

(Now I was stuck and the truth alighted like a Phoenix from the flames....)

Me 2 to Me 1 with exasperation:         "Look, its just easier for us!"

Its funny how hard it is to be rational about why we do some things with our horses.  In this example the horses needs are where?  Yep - nowhere! It's all about us! When people ask me for a 4 step Model to follow it becomes all about the model or process, not about them! We use convenience to mask accountability.  We use it as a deflection from thinking through things for ourselves. 

As prey animals I guess this makes some sense.  As egotistical beings it figures too. The problem is do we want to be egotistical and behave as primitively as a prey animal when we believe our selves to be so much more?  Problem is we can't have our cake and eat it so which do we want? Who are we?

When habits, conventions and norms are in place it can be hard to shake ourselves free of them.

The logical retort to the convenience argument about why we stable our horse, (for what can be unhealthy periods of time) is that if we had a mucky horse on our hands is it really the end of the world? I could make a case to say you've got more time on your hands because he/she isn't stabled all day or night, so why worry? 

Think of all the time we would save by not mucking out, sweeping our stables, emptying and filling hay nets or hay bars, water buckets, wiping stable walls down, re-sealing rubber mats.  Less time spent ordering bedding, helping unload it when it arrives and arranging the muck heap man to come and remove it once it's dirty. Not to mention time saved not sweeping up around the muck heap and poo stacking in the muck heap, to get as much in as we can, in one load.

I guess poo picking time in the field, could increase, unless the horses are in a big enough field that harrowing fixes that problem!

If our argument is we 'don't like getting our hands dirty' grooming a dusty, muddy horse - my advise is to find a new hobby/profession.  A life outdoors, with animals will always entail a fair amount of muck!

So, all things considered, a few minutes longer spent grooming - what is after all supposed to be a 'get to know my horse' experience, is hardly the biggest threat imaginable to man's quest for convenience.

Don Rumsfeld once said...

 

 "Arguments of convenience lack integrity and inevitably trip you up"

 

...I think he may have been onto something!

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/martinluth109228.html#friGCRASPZ0bjWDs.99

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/martinluth109228.html#friGCRASPZ0bjWDs.99

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/martinluth109228.html#friGCRASPZ0bjW

Being respons-able...

I was thinking of counting up how much I spend on my horses well-being then comparing it to how much I spend on my own well-being.  Tee hee!  Of course the answer is a lot on them, and not much on me!  I'll justify the delta with well thought out excuses such as priorities, and how horses can't provide for themselves, and money doesn't grow on trees etc. etc.

Yet horses do provide for themselves, and do take care of their needs quite naturally, if given the freedom to do so.  How? By responding to their physical, and emotional needs; moment by moment.  This is one of their greatest gifts they offer us, as our teachers, if we are willing to follow their lead.

This is my view of how 'being responsible' (able to respond to one's needs) looks through the eyes of the horse:-

They run when they need to run

They stop running when they have no further need to run

They sunbathe when they can

They huddle up when they want warmth

They seek out company if desired

They eat when the can, as much as they need

They lie down when they want to - not obeying any sleep patterns or time of day 

They have fun and play when they get the urge

They breed if they want to

They nip 'family' disagreements in the bud 
They follow their desires to scratch and groom as needed (see photo below)

Grace and her friend Romi "When needs must"- no time for the rider to dismount - scratching needed now!

Of course horses don't have bills to pay, jobs to hold down, committee positions to fulfil, but for most of us the extent to which we have these duties is optional -mostly we've  chosen to do them, they aren't forced upon us. Even working doesn't have to be for the long hours we habitually perform!

Unlike our horses, most of us are so busy being busy that we forget to look after ourselves.  How do you nurture yourself, what does it mean to you? Does a hot bath and candles once a month really suffice?

What do you crave and dream of?  A time in your life where you can do less or be needed by fewer people? More  quality 'down' time?  An afternoon nap? Fewer chores and tasks to do? Less pressure and obligation? More peace and quiet? Time to think...?

Many of us with horses dream of having more time with them, to enjoy them, watch them graze and chill. It can feel at times as though our horses already understand the importance of 'just being' and are waiting for us to catch on and catch up!

It can be hard to figure out how to live 'metaphorically' like a horse, if they are our teachers.  Never mind incorporate their philosophy into a regular lifestyle for oneself. Living in our constant state of 'busyness' it's not surprising we find ourselves in a mid life crisis at 40, wanting to join a commune, live on a kibbutz, or vanish into some mountainous retreat; all in the name of finding ourselves!

Spotting the signals that we need more self nurturing can be difficult until it's too late. Being hard to spot, in part explains how we get so burnt out and exhausted feeling life is nothing more than an existence with days repeating themselves endlessly and pointlessly.  How do we re-ignite the child-like spark of new imagination and desire, that we had as children?

For starters why not imagine life to be as honest as that of a wild horse?  How might that look? Could you imagine living your life...

- moving about at a consistent pace throughout the day, with less dashing about and manic ticking off of impossibly long 'to do' lists?

- grazing throughout the day on simple food, whats easily available and ready to hand - as and when hungry, a little and often?

- giving yourself permission to snooze when you get home for half an hour before cooking dinner?

- spending time with others only if you want to and it re-charges your energy?
-being more honest about your needs to ourselves and others without seeking approval?

- making an effort to clear out commitments from your diary, creating space to do more of what you want to do?

- dealing with things in the moment and not letting them escalate?

- lighting candles not only when you have time for a bath?

- not being a slave to phones, emails, alerts and texts?

- opening bills only once a week to keep them in perspective?

Finally, we could take lists like the one above, rip them up and put them in the bin.  Then go quiet and ask ourselves the important question... "What would I LIKE to do right now?"  "What do I NEED to do... (or not do) - in this moment?

When we realise that living a responsible life is about being able to respond to our needs, moment by moment (just like our horses) and not fulfiling lists, then we live a more healthy and balanced life. We become less resentful of others, bitter about our jobs, angry about life, responding like a victim or martyr.  Who knows we could become a joy to live with and enjoy life more in the process. 

If you share your life with an animal or pet - watch them for ten minutes as they sleep, rest, play or graze, and feel the nurturing effect of just watching them and taking pleasure from the simplicity of the moment and how for them, it is all there is to do - in that moment!

One of the lessons Grace shared with Margrit is that we all have the kernel of peace inside us and new habits form just like small seeds i.e. from small beginnings.  We already have the answers right in front of us.  Right now I SHOULD be cooking dinner but instead I WANTED to put these thoughts together before attending to domestic duties, so that I am in a better place to do so when I get into the kitchen.

Let's hope its a good decision ....or it's going to be a long evening and a disappointing dinner!

Essy (center stage) with Solar Sue 'chilling'