The Art of Non Interference

"Do or do not. There is no try"  

 

- Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

During the winter months taking hay to hungry neglected horses you wouldn't be human if on occasion you don't feel some anger at the situation these horse are in because of other humans.  You find yourself thinking uncharitable thoughts like:-

"How come someone owns these horses but has shirked their responsibility?"

"if I abandoned my horses, I bet I wouldn't be so lucky to have someone else pick up the responsibility and cost for feeding them!"

You know its uncharitable, but you can't help but feel the injustice as some people sail through life casting their responsibilities aside (lucky enough to have horses in the first place), whilst others pick up more than their fair share of duty and obligation in their wake.

No one likes a moaner and least of all a self righteous one, or a victim but I began to wonder if acting with the right intention was enough, or was I in some way facilitating another person's negligence?  I began to wonder:-

"How can I feed these horses, and at the same time help the owner wake up to his responsibilities?"

The key was to find a way to help those in need (the field of 12 in this case) whilst somehow helping the owner to step up too!

I puzzled for hours, and discussed it with others much wiser than myself, but I couldn't come up with any bright ideas.  No reverse psychology seemed to fit the situation.

Then, suddenly I didn't have to!

Quite literally, as I mulled on this dilemma over and over,  questioning the sustainability of my actions, the owner suddenly began feeding hay to his horses!  He has continued to do so once a week ever since, including today.

I know horse people will crow that 'once a week isn't enough',  however, it is a lot of hay he puts in the field each time and it does last them 3 to 4 days. And, after all...

Small seeds grow into strong trees (or something like that)

How did this suddenly happen?  What did I do and what can I share to others who find themselves caught in the same emotional trap?

The answer is "NOTHING!"

For most of us, our default approach to life and problems is about doing something, taking action or making someone else do something or take action!  The solution in this case seemed to come from the reverse.  It came from a place of doing nothing. 

What do I mean?

Both this herd of horses and my own herd of three seem to be teaching me the value and importance of non action.  Doing nothing almost forces you to step back from the scenery and see the whole landscape! (Its surely a great goal in life to see more of the landscape every time we stop to look).

I am learning that to do nothing when normally I would do something, means I have to be in a place of acceptance.  I have to let go.  I have to stop trying to control or interfere.  Just think for a moment how hard this is as a concept to live by.  Someone cuts you up on the road and you .... accept it and let him/her go without reprisal!  Your boss at work gives you a hard time without merit and you ... step back to look beyond the hurt and anger, to see what lessons you can learn.  A close friend breaks an important commitment to you and you... look at it from their perspective not yours. 

You'd have to be Mother Theresa right?

Maybe, or maybe not!

If action junkies like myself living as my music teacher described just yesterday "at such a high octane level" - can pause and stop, then anyone can! 

In the road rage, or badly behaving boss situation we accept through compassion.  In the friendship scenario, we see the landscape when we wish to be of service to that friend, unconditionally.

It seemed that the more I let my feelings of anger towards the herd's owner slip away and not hold me in it's grip, and the more I thought about offering love and help to the horses, instead of anger at their plight, the more the owner's thinking shifted too. 

Is it possible that when we change our thinking the world responds also?  Is it possible that sending out feelings of love, compassion, support and kindness reaps more of the same in return? 

All that I did was let go of feelings of wrong doing, and betrayal, replacing them with love and belief that it would all be ok, and it was ok!

I am an amateur in the world of non interference and doing nothing.  I make no claims of a grand vision or euphoric sense of enlightenment.  I am more curious than ever about what's recently been happening and how these horses have shown up in my life and in return are showing me how to lead a better life.

What I can confess is that this is not a new phenomena for me.

As I've matured in my business behaviour at work over the years, I've learnt many times the value of doing nothing, letting an email just sit for a while before responding, or letting a fire burn itself out without my adding any fuel on top! 

At home I've learnt the importance of extracting myself from a verbal battle, to find a calm spot, focus on what is really important and dig deep into the underlying paranoia driving my extreme outbursts.  Returning to the conversation to understand versus score points.

I just never realised before now that centring on giving yourself some inner peace, feeling what you feel but not always acting upon that feeling, and having the choice to do so or not, is  a vibrant way to live.

Maybe like fire flies at night, if we go there first - to a better place of thought and feeling, then we can become a vibrant light, a beacon for others to follow too?

In the Bible Mathew told us to  "love thine enemy".  Sometimes that ship has sailed on by and I can't promise to feel that for the owner of the herd of 12, however, I do believe what Barbara DeAngelis said:-

We can't save people.

We can only love them.

But that love is enough.

And, as Willa Cather said:-

"Where there is great love, there are always miracles".

I continue to believe in miracles and am now on the look out for them more and more each day.