“People tend to dwell more on negative things than on good things. So the mind then becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgements, guilt and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future and so on.”
~ Eckhart Tolle
The next day back in the Pavilion, I had no idea what Jean Michel and I would do
today with our time together.
We began by talking. I have learnt by now that this ten-minute talk time is our way of connecting with what we need to focus on. It is this time that confirms and reaffirms Jean Michel's instinct about the right content for our session. It never fails to be a strong and valuable guide.
We began work.
We spent the time focused on breathing, being grounded and rooted. We did some Qi Gong Movements and more breathing.
I began to feel so calm.
We began by talking. I have learnt by now that this ten-minute talk time is our way of connecting with what we need to focus on. It is this time that confirms and reaffirms Jean Michel's instinct about the right content for our session. It never fails to be a strong and valuable guide.
We began work.
We spent the time focused on breathing, being grounded and rooted. We did some Qi Gong Movements and more breathing.
I began to feel so calm.
He had me lie down on my back and focus on my
breathing. After some time, we stopped. He asked me how was my
breath? To describe it. I told him my heart was beating like a
flapping butterfly. He gave no comment other than "Very Good".
He had me repeat the breathing activity. This time however, I had to exhale on each breath with force. After some 15 minutes (maybe longer) I was coughing and spluttering. I was snorting from my nose, exploding from the back of my throat. It was painful at times, embarrassing the rest. Jean Michel continued to repeat "Very Good".
At a point in time that he felt was appropriate and my coughing was subsiding, we paused. Again he asked me to describe my breath. I noticed two things:
1. The fluttering feeling had totally gone. My heart was beating regularly 1, 2, 1, 2
He had me repeat the breathing activity. This time however, I had to exhale on each breath with force. After some 15 minutes (maybe longer) I was coughing and spluttering. I was snorting from my nose, exploding from the back of my throat. It was painful at times, embarrassing the rest. Jean Michel continued to repeat "Very Good".
At a point in time that he felt was appropriate and my coughing was subsiding, we paused. Again he asked me to describe my breath. I noticed two things:
1. The fluttering feeling had totally gone. My heart was beating regularly 1, 2, 1, 2
I fed back that it felt like a man was inside my heart going up one step,
back down again, then up one step, back down again. It had a marching feel to it, secure and steady.
Strange what images present themselves to you!
2. The second thing I told him was that for the
last few days I had been feeling a bit sick, as if I was going to vomit but
didn't. Other times it felt like heart burn or indigestion in my
chest. I had come to this session today living with a continuous feeling
of a big lump of something in my thorax, that I needed to
vomit it up, and that now it was gone!
I couldn't feel it anymore!
I couldn't feel it anymore!
During these forceful exhalations I had quite
literally felt this lump move, and travel up away from my chest, into my
throat. (I had thought I was going to burp out aloud). I no longer
felt it's presence but I wasn't sure it had completely gone yet. I just
knew it had moved away from my chest.
"Very Good" he told me and we continued some more this time lying on my front.
I have not mentioned at this point that during the first round of forceful exhaling, whilst on my back, Jean Michel had pushed down on different points on my body as I exhaled. At times this was excruciatingly painful - underneath my feet, and solar plexus in particular. In our pause moment he explained he was triggering certain points on my meridian lines and releasing blocked chi.
"Very Good" he told me and we continued some more this time lying on my front.
I have not mentioned at this point that during the first round of forceful exhaling, whilst on my back, Jean Michel had pushed down on different points on my body as I exhaled. At times this was excruciatingly painful - underneath my feet, and solar plexus in particular. In our pause moment he explained he was triggering certain points on my meridian lines and releasing blocked chi.
As I now repeated the forceful exhalations lying on my front, he continued to push key meridian points - agony in my buttocks!
After more very audible coughing my guts up, and snorting and discomfort, I suddenly felt light. It was as if, when the process was done (for today) my body melted into the air. I felt nothing. I was keenly aware of how light, relaxed and soft I felt - head to toe. Then I wept. Tears suddenly sprung from my eyes and rolled down my face. I lay there crying like a baby.
Why did I cry? Why then? Where the cells in my body crying for joy at their release from so much tension? The feeling of softness, acceptance and relaxation being so deep that nothing I could do would override my body's reaction to cry.
The other explanation
was around the reality jolt I got of how much 'fear' I have been living under: fear of
not being able to pay my tax bill, fear of not being able to sell my beach apartment, fear
of selling my beach apartment! Fear of not being a good wife, fear of not
living my life's purpose, fear of not giving to my horses the quality life they deserve.
Fear... Fear..... Fear everywhere!
It is shocking to see something that you knew deep down but were not being honest with yourself about. Now I saw it. I saw the fear, and I felt the opposite - a letting go and the wonderful release that came with it to my body and mind.
I couldn't wait for tomorrow!
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