How to like yourself more...

Play Time and Tears!

I had a wonderful day hanging out with my three glorious horses.  Twice they raised me to tears just looking at them: such peace in their eyes.

I walked away with an immense feeling that my horses like being horses!  They like being who they are. That may sound a bit of a non event on most days but today it  really hit me that to like being who you are, must be such a gift.  I wonder how many of us can say we feel the same way?

Of course there have been moments in our life when we've felt pleased with ourselves at work for our contribution, at home for our friendship and support to friends or family.  But is that the same?  Does this mean we actually like being human and like being who we are - warts and all, day after day?  If we don't, what would we prefer to be? Until recently I hadn't considered being anything else (except wishing I could run on all fours alongside my new puppy)...

... how great would that feel?

Tonight at the yard a fellow livery and her hubby were doing what looked like 'play lunging' with their two horses.  From inside the barn I could hear their laughter - real belly laughter - and once outside I could see hooves, knees and legs all aloft - as the four of them shared some high jinks together.

What a contrast with another livery's words to me about how 'badly behaved' her old boy had been when he was turned out.  Apparently, once off the lead rope and lose in the field he would kick, buck, tear about and be "unruly".  I wanted to suggest maybe the horse was expressing himself in a moment of happiness and joy.  I sensed she didn't see it that way.

All around us there are people who are happy with themselves and we can see that through their relationship with their horses, if we know what to look for. Others are not so blessed.

It is said that by turning our attention inward to our self that we are able to experience a deeper connection with Life, with God, Nature and beyond.  And, as humans, every relationship we ever have with another exactly mirrors one or more aspects of the relationship we have with our self. 

So, can we learn to like ourselves? Can our horses teach us how? I hope so as Horses are so much closer to nature than we are with all our mod-cons and materialism. 

In his book Messages From Water -  Dr. Masaru Emoto shows the powerful effect that our thoughts and words have on us. In his research he attached written words to containers of water, such as “Thank you,” “I love you,” and “You fool!” Then he froze the water and took photos of the water crystals with a microscopic camera. In addition to using written words, he varied his experiments with thoughts, music and pictures.  This is one of my favourite books which I often take to seminars I'm delivering to help people think about the affect our thoughts have on us.

In every case when there was a positive energy used, whether it was a written word, a verbal statement, or a picture, the photos of the frozen crystals were exquisitely beautiful, as above.

On the other hand, in every case where the stimulus was negative, the crystals were small, misshapen and deformed! This so clearly demonstrates the effects of negativity when we bury ourselves under unkind thoughts, or beliefs about our body, mind, or abilities. 

If our bodies are about 60% water, imagine what happens to the part of us that is water when we are hit with lots of negativity. Whose to say it doesn't have the same debilitating effect on all parts of all our body cells. No wonder we struggle to feel good about who we are on an average day.

Add to this, the famous book, film and industry known as the Law of Attraction which warns us that when cells vibrate with negativity it draws towards us, more of the same.

These two pieces of work are relatively recent.  Not everyone has yet to come across them and their important messages.  Without them we are left floundering under a sea of pressure to be this way or that, taller, smarter, faster, thiner or just better.

So back to play time and tears....

The life of a horse isn't always 'a walk in the park'.  Looking at their 3 basic needs it's a wonder any show happiness to be alive, never mind as a horse.

Food & water: some horses have it, others have too much or insufficient. Many go without vital herbs or nutrients	Most of us can put food on our tables whenever we need it, enjoy lavish meals, detox, diet or fest, stick to the same diet or vary it up
Friendship: some horses spend a lifetime without same species relationships or contact. Family separation is a guarantee, often prematurely	We get to pick and choose our friends real, virtual, local or worldwide.  We also get to stay in touch or switch them out on demand
Freedom: some horses are locked up all day, many can’t pick and choose when they work or what job they do or when to retire	We can move around the Globe, be alone or with others, express ourselves, work for others or create our own work

Next time we notice happiness in a horses expression or stance, or in their love of being able to run about let's wonder why its so hard for us to feel pleased to be who we are when on the face of it, we have so much more.

Let's stop and remember that beyond the 3 x F's, all those other things we long for in life just alienate us further from our true selves, from nature and from a meaningful connection with both, leaving us strangers to ourselves amongst the paraphernalia of a modern existence.

It seems shallow to simply view the needs of a horse as simply the 3 x F's.  It seems unrealistic to compare our ability to like ourselves based on only that as criteria.  To look deeper can be difficult to get our heads around.  To keep it simple and practical here's my own list of the lessons our horses might be trying to pass on to us, to help us learn how to like ourselves!

* they don't judge themselves or others

* they don't seem to set goals and push themselves constantly 
* they live for today and in the moment of now

* they only hold a grudge (in the form of negative associations) with good reason usually fear based

* they probably don't generate negative or positive thoughts - just in the moment awareness

* they aren't likely to compare themselves with other horses abilities, size, shape or luck

* they know how to communicate with each other very effectively without misunderstandings

* arguments are resolved quickly

* they use their energy wisely and avoid being exhausted at the end of the day 

* they don't try to be something they aren't knowing when they are confident and capable or not

* they aren't fickle and don't flit between equine relationships (if allowed the choice)

* they reciprocate touch and scratching when offered 

* they don't appear to have a negative ego like humans and can let go of the need to control

* they don't play emotional games with one another

* they don't lie 

* they know how to have fun and try to do so when the mood grabs them

* they are patient and tolerant of other species

* they are communal by choice preferring to share their world not keep it for themselves

In summary horses appear to be great ambassadors for RESPONSIBILITY.  Not as we are taught at school and at home which manifests more like duty, burden, 'ought' and 'should'.  For horses responsibility simply means 'being able to respond'.  To what?  Their needs.  Moment by moment.  If they need to sleep they doze. If they need to run they run.  If they want to eat they eat.  etc.  The good news is that there is nothing stopping us (people) from having the same approach to our lives.  Most of us (if adult) are not in captivitiy, stabled, told what to do, or when to eat etc.  We are much more like the undomesticated, free roaming horse - able to respond to our needs moment by moment, if we would just give ourselves permission.  Be selfish!  A place of honest intent to be happy by fulfilling our needs which puts us in a better position to help others - human or horse.

I'm sure the list above isn't complete.  However, even as it stands it makes a compelling set of tips on 'how to live our lives in order to like ourselves more'.

With my horses help I will keep digging deeper to explore 'how to like myself more' - but for today this is where my awareness level is at so my musing will have to end for now.