Nature AND Nurture - can we have both?

In the wild horses don't chose to be busy! 

W...They epitomise a sedentary life style.

Obvious isn't it?  When somebody puts it in writing (even though we all know) but despite that - "busy" is often what we make our horses lives. We know the reasons why - training, travelling, competing, hacking, washing, grooming, trimming, plaiting, clipping, shoeing, health checks, dentist visits, back checks, tack checks, physio, chiropractic appointments - the list goes on.

During my Parelli lesson today I apologised to Grace for not knowing 6 months ago what I know today.  I often feel guilty that at 8 years of age her life isn't more interesting and varied (aka busy)!

Our Parelli trainer said that she believes horses know when we have a good  intention in our heart and they can forgive us for what we know, and how much we still don't know! (Another reminder that our horses have much to teach us if we are willing to learn).

I hope she is right!

It's easy to beat ourselves up for not always getting it right with our horses and for making their lives so unnatural for them, but why do we do it?

Being a predator partly explains it.  It is in our nature to 'get after' somebody or something if they don't do as we want.  It's in our nature to get stern, turn up the heat, or even use force. We do it to ourselves (in our self talk) and we do it in our human to human relationships.  We read books or go to classes to improve our skills of assertion, influence and negotiation; all very predatory.

Horses learn none of this.  This is not the language of the prey animal.

So to connect with our horses and understand them it helps to remember how differently we think, in order to find a way forward, that honours the two different ways of being: predator and prey (remembering that both have their uses).

"A predator typically victimizes, plunders, or destroys, especially for their own gain." 

A little extreme maybe, but the above goes some way in explaining how some traditional training methods e.g breaking horses in - now viewed as cruel, once took hold.  Being told as a child rider 'not to let him or her get away with something' or 'make them more scared of you ...' etc made sense to us - it is a natural way of thinking for a predator.  When someone or something disappoints us we automatically try to 'teach them a lesson' believing we know best.  We see this play out on a daily basis in how horses are treated and so quickly reprimanded for being 'naughty, arrogant, disobedient' etc, forgetting to consider it may be their prey nature in operation.

Can we un-learn what is in our nature?  Can we un-learn how to be predatory?  With the work of natural horsemanship, Monty Roberts, Parelli, Animal Communicators, Equinicity, and so on, new and different ways of 'being with horses' open up to us.  Each of which takes us a little further away from our predatory nature, to embrace something we can develop and nurture, to sit alongside.

After all, there are many ways to skin a cat and many ways of 'being' with our horse. 

If we stay unconsciously operating at our true (nature) level -  we permit our  predatory behaviour  to rule the roost.  This will keep us disconnected from our horses, at odds, and often feeling like giving up.  In circumstances of high adrenalin the horse needs us to be the leader and we want to be trusted  to be it!  These moments of truth are were our nature will kick in if we haven't been nurturing other options to draw from.

If we embrace the corporate Leadership Model that "Leaders are both born and developed" then we should be actively nurturing the prey way of being along side our predatory nature so that we have both in our tool kit.

This means connecting with like minded folk, reading books or attending courses and demonstrations that feature 'compassion', 'dominion', 'thinking through stress versus emotionally reacting to it'....  

The new agenda of the future with it's  Must Know set of skills for horsemen and women should bridge the 'predator : prey' gap, it must build on the strengths of our human nature, AND nurture the prey qualities of the horse's nature.  

Then our horses can truly partner with us, seeing more of what they like and understand, in their interaction with us.  

Who knows we may even have fewer guilt trips because our horses aren't 'busy'!