A Breath of Fresh Air - Good for the Soul

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” 

~ Henry David Thoreau

Things were going well for mum.

She was sleeping well even when back at home.  She had a new zest for life and for living it to the full.  We had agreed to go on holiday together as soon as she had seen the cardiologist and to have things to look forward to.  Of course I was hoping that my own heart wouldn't get in the way of that plan but I still was of the opinion that I had to keep my issues to myself.  

Even conversations at home with her husband were taking on a new form for mum, as she made it quite clear to him that she was going to spend time at my apartment by the sea, to rest and recoup.  Hubby couldn't argue for once! Mum was finding her voice, and focused on living whatever time she had left, to the full.

Good for her and about time too!

It's probably no surprise that I was experiencing a similar shift in my own perspective.

My heart had been remarkably quiet since returning from holiday.  Very few bad days, seldom was my heart pounding at night in bed, and I’d had no heavy weight feeling bearing down on my chest. Even my cough had abated.  Above all, I was feeling confident with my own new breathing regimes and how my body was responding.  

Jean Michel's words of reassurance still rang strong in my ears.

I had lost my coffee supply but decided it was for a good reason and I still had my daily breathing routines.  Nothing was more restful and restorative than lying on the cross country jumps in the horses’ field, soaking up the glow of sunset, surrounded by the quite munching of horses eating grass; to breath deeply and meditate on nature's healing energy.

This new daily routine of sitting in the fields with my horses, leaning against a wooden fence, or tree or sitting deep in the long grass - was revitalising.  I was feeling younger, calmer, and stronger in myself every day.

Solar Sue happily grazing while I breath deeply by the fence

The few weeks after Mauritius were full of rest & relaxation (whilst working of course).  It was becoming a period of reinforcement of everything Jean Michel and I had discussed for the last 5 years, and of the learning's I've embraced since April 2000.  Everything seemed to be coming together yet I can't really describe what those 'things' were!

The question is would there be any visible benefits to show in either my body or my mums' body when our heart results came back?  

Fingers and hooves crossed!
 

Bad news begats bad news!

“We are one, after all, you and I, together we suffer, together we exist and forever will recreate each other.” 

~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I had left it late in the holiday to connect with Jean Michel.  This would be an important lesson to learn from, and a mistake not to repeat.  

Each of my remaining days of daily practise in the pavilion was significant.  We worked deeper on my breathing, relaxation and appreciation of universal light and healing energy.

Having left our pavilion sessions each day I returned to the villa and drank the mushroom 'coffee'.  

My instinct kept whispering to me that the coffee and I were not getting along. My body felt slightly weird, slightly light headed, and kind of dizzy but not sick - hard to explain, but similar to how Codeine affects me (only that's a lot worse)! I persisted and packed my box of sachets into my suitcase on my last day.

As my last session with Jean Michel ended, we left the pavilion deep in conversation.  I was returning home with new breathing techniques to practise, trees to stand next to to ground myself, and homework that anyone other than the two of us would think somewhat crazy or misguided.  Yet, to me it all felt totally logical, compelling and real! 

As we walked, I glanced at my mobile phone.  In that very moment of readying myself, I read a text from my mum that halted me in my steps mentally and conversationally.  By the time we reached the main spa I knew I had to tell Jean Michel what the text said.

Mum was due to have a foot operation that day, but it had been cancelled. Why?  Because her pre-op tests revealed "a muscle in her heart had died".  This meant that an operation would be unsafe as she could not be 'put under'.

Her text tried to reassure me not to worry.  Strangely I wasn't worried.  As I read it to Jean Michel calmness descended.  He simply informed me that I had to perform Reiki in my mother and help her.

So that was the plan.  I would breathe, be grounded, relax my thoughts, body and mind and at the same time take my mum on this important journey with me.

Jean Michel had given me a memory stick of mediation and Reiki music; you tube clips about metaphysics and videos about the Ganoderma Mushroom and its healing properties (aka my coffee).

I felt strong, in control and temporarily distracted from my own health concerns. 

A friend had shared this picture recently on Face book and suddenly it was top of mind!

The last thing Jean Michel said to me on that last walk from the Pavilion was that "the results of my heart testing would be better when I returned home".  He sensed it would all be ok.

I hoped he was right!  

Did I dare to believe so?

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” 

~ T.S. Eliot

Moonlight Magic

'Firework Week' for all horse owners is never an easy week; do we leave our horses out in their fields or bring them into their stables?  How can we best keep them safe?

Either option can be dangerous.  A frightened horse galloping round a field, in the dark, at night, or a horse spinning and pacing round an enclosed wooden or concrete  stable - either option can result in accidents.

I've learnt over the years that the more you know your horse the more you can make wise decisions.  There's never a fail proof call, but knowing our horses well,  does help us to make the right choice in the given situation.

For me, it starts with preparation and planning.  Having in stock some V- Calm from James Hart mixed into feeds ten days before fireworks are set off, and Valerian Essential Oil in my coat pocket, are my two key 'MUST haves'... until now!

In the past I would augment Valerian with a dose of "ME"; standing with my herd in their stables to keep them calm.  In previous years I've stood with my herd in the field for hours watching fireworks in the distance at times calming them by talking to them, if they became upset and had a dash about.

This year, I found some additional 'calming tools' namely - music, breathing and the art of communication!

I joined Essy and Solar in their field, with two neighbouring geldings in the adjoining field.  There had already been a few 'explosives bangs' close by so they were all bunched together and must have had a run around as there was snorting and heavy breathing going on.

I had head collars over my arm, but I also knew it would be dangerous to even think about holding onto my two if they got scared, for one reason if I had to let go, and they went charging off round the field at full pace, their fear and panic would be worse with a lead rope swinging wildly at their side.

I stood in between my two, Solar on my right, Essy on my left, and for one hour we stood still breathing in and out deeply - simple belly breathing and thinking relaxing thoughts while watching the clouds sweeping past the moon overhead. 

The sky was splattered with stars, the moon brightly lighting up one section of the field until each moment the clouds enveloped it. Nobody moved save to change which hind leg was resting. 

It felt magical, and I felt very honoured to be under the stars with them in their space.  Very humbling.

On my I phone I played a Reiki healing track. It's a musical track that lasts an hour interspersed with the sound of Tingsha bells signalling time to change Rieki position. Although we were not working with Reiki, it felt like the right choice to add calm and peace to the field and myself.

I wasn't really sure what to expect but all four horses responded very quickly.   Their breathing deepened and heads lowered.  For an hour no body moved. 

At 7pm when the fireworks kicked off in full display mode, what happened next was quite bizarre.

I had been talking to Solar Sue (the more strong minded of my two who tends to take charge)  explaining over and over that tonight I was in charge.  That tonight she could trust me and I'd keep her and Essy safe. 

As the bangs and bombs blew up over the tree tops in front of us, my two peeled off like the Red Arrows; Solar to the right and Essy to the left.  As they turned away, in total synchronicity, they then just as suddenly both turned back round and came to stand behind me.  They re-positioned themselves right behind my back.  Heads down, calm. 

There the three of us stood for another half an hour.  Did they believe that I was actually in charge?  Did they feel safe standing behind me?

As with most firework displays the norm is that the biggest bangs tend to occur at the end of the show.  At the exact moment I guessed it was 'over' I spoke aloud and told my two 'that was it'.  As if by magic, they both turned and walked off side by side and began eating grass, peacefully as if they'd understood. 

For over an hour and a half grazing had not been on their agenda, now it was.

I walked back up to the yard (frozen and stiff from standing still for 2 hours) and joined the Yard Manager who had responsibly been keeping company to our 3 mares who we had stabled next to each other.  I couldn't hold back from saying "don't let anyone ever say horses and humans can't communicate' and recounted the behaviour of my two and the whole experience.

The two geldings in the field next to us had responded beautifully to the communal breathing and music absorption, but when the firework bangs kicked off they got upset. Spinning about at the side of the fence close to us, kicking out at each other and snorting like 'billyeo'! 

I'm sure that if my little herd and I hadn't been standing so calmly at the fence side, the two geldings would have galloped off full pace, in panic. Fortunately they stuck close by to the little sanctum we had created.

Because they stayed close by they settled down quickly once my two walked off to graze and I could devote my attention to the geldings.  I was also glad I had a few polo mints in my pockets to help get them to re-focus back on me.

To conclude on the evening:-

It was a night of treasured closeness to my horses.  

A night were I felt so proud of the choices they made.

A night where it was glorious to spend quality time together

 doing nothing but sharing a space, breath and relaxation.  

What a shame Firework night comes round only once a year!

 

My Horse is a parcelmouth!

"How many languages do you speak?"

I first asked the question 'How do horses know what we want and mean them to do?' when I was 14 and taking riding lessons.  It amazed me then, and still today, how a horse understood that when I slightly moved one of my legs back a bit the horse knew it meant to canter. It blew my mind away.

The awe I felt then (and still remember feeling 35 years on) hasn't died with age, years or experience.  Thank goodness!

This weekend a friend and I spent time lunging our respective horses and coaching ourselves through it. I was explaining how Grace understands two different "languages on the lunge".  First is the more 'traditional BHS language of whip, triangle position and tone of voice'.  The second language is the Parelli language of 'chi, no voice, levels of asking and lots of hind quarter yields', (as examples). 

A 'parcelmouth' speaks snake!

Having decided to use the BHS approach with Grace on Sunday, the significance of having a choice of which language to use when working with her, and what I was therefore saying, was clear: Grace is multi-lingual! 

To me it is pretty impressive that horses can retain and recognise two different languages, when used separately or in combination,  and not appear to get confused.  As a contrast I used to speak fluent French and Spanish in my teens and twenties.  Nowadays, I get my tongue tied and end up saying things that I don't even think are legitimate words, and can't remember if they're French or Spanish!  (To think my mum had her heart set on my being a tri-lingual interpreter in Brussels for a living)! 

What's even more great about the language of lunging is that you are only limited by your imagination.

I shared with my friend how my horses and I have been developing our fluency levels in both languages:

Step 1 : Was to find the voice commands and tone of voice I would use consistently, for signalling faster, slower etc

Step 2: Was to coordinate voice and whip so that the horses will respond off either

Step 3: Was to rely less on voice and whip and to substitute both with my body language and how to use both it and the space between me and the horse with differing effects

Step 4: Was to introduce breath based commands - taking a few lessons from Jenny Rolfe and others who connect with their horse through breath control - inhalations and exhalations

This is the Step where Grace and I have currently reached.

 Step 5:  Will be to move from breath commands to intention.  Meaning I want to start changing my horses gait by thinking it - nothing more! No voice, body, whip, back up!  To just send out the intention of walk, trot, halt etc.

Step 6:  Will be..... I don't know yet!  When we get to step 5 maybe step 6 will emerge..... that's what I mean by we are limited only by our imagination.

As most of us Harry Potter fans will know - being able to speak parseltongue makes you a parcelmouth which although normally entails lots of hissing like sounds, absent from my horses most of the time thank goodness, working with them does feel a kin to magic and wizardry!

I'm not sure if my carrot stick or lunge whip is quite as potent as Hermione's wand but I am convinced that horses are bright, quick to learn and fluent translators.  All we have to do is communicate clearly, be it in one or two tongues and our horse will compute and conform. 

It has me spell bound every time!

 

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

 

- Albert Einstein

Wake up and smell the Roses

Small Steps to greater awareness...

Each morning begins with Grace and I 'pad walking' for 40 minutes to stimulate her foot re-growth where the seedy toe has been cut out.

This has become a quiet time for me.  I don't do quiet easily. Yet going round and round in circles or squares or serpentine shapes, before offices awake and doors to shops swing open, there isn't much else to do.

I'm wearing my HeartMath machine.  I'm becoming predictable - the first few minutes I am Green (coherent)  as my awareness focuses on my breathing.   Then, lost in whatever journey my thoughts take me on I re-enter my 'base line state' which for me is Red.   This is my pattern and my default body talk state is 'hyper'.  Not good long term.  Not helpful for expanding my awareness (unless I want more of the same).

The good news is that as soon as I focus back onto my breath, and breath for 5; in and out; I'm Green.   So it can be done - an adjustment of my focus brings an adjustment in my nervous system.  I guess horses work the same way.  They quicken their breathing and flee!  They slow their breathing and rest!

This morning's walk provided another awakening moment.  Grace kept trying to pull me over towards some rose bushes.  I kept resisting.  Then I spoke aloud to her (as many of us horsey people do) and explained "we'll smell the roses in a minute"!  Then I laughed!  What a lovely metaphor for how I approach my life - 'saving the nice stuff for later'...

I stopped resisting and we went over to the roses.

If one picture could tell a thousand stories this would be my pick for today.  If a horse can seek out simple pleasures of smelling roses why can't we?  I am more and more convinced that my own three horses are trying to teach me how to 'wake up' to what's important.  

Today, I am going to pay attention for the next 24 hours to the symbology of moments like this.  To those moments where I resist; to those ideas I think I'll save for later... and ponder on the symbology of each moment to see what comes to light by looking through a different lens.

Surely that in itself will help my awareness grow a little more today?