When something truely Amazing happens..

I started this blog with a title of ....

I was lost and now I am found

As I typed the title it felt familiar so I googled it and found that its the lyric from a song but not any old song - it's from Amazing Grace!

This post is about Grace! "How amazing" I said out loud.  Then laughed - amazing as in amazing Grace!  Oh stop!

Today, Grace and I had a Parelli session with Vicky Manser - our first in over a year.  How time flies!

We began with me summarising the events of the last year, Grace's feral behaviour and massive separation anxiety that led me to stop riding, lunging, doing Parelli or anything with her, finding her unsafe to be around.  That's it in a nutshell.  I described feeling like I'd lost my horse, and the aim of today was to re-start the journey to find her again.

It's not often in life that we achieve our goals, its even more rare to do so exactly when you want it or need it.  But today, that goal of finding Grace happened!  In 90 minutes Grace and I were home....together!

 

I know that sometimes we have to get lost, stray, deviate off course, in order to discover new paths, to return to something better  - and today has been a massive reminder of the value of that.  

Today I remembered and learned all at the same time ... 

• Not to dwell on the past, or the feeling of having wasted (lost) a year of progress. 

The past is the past and nothing more.  

Today was better than yesterday and that's a good place to be!

• To recognise the difference between observing a horse and listening to them.  I've been watching Grace but not listening to her.  As the song say:-

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found;

Was blind, but now I see.

(see recent post on simplicity - we need to use both our eyes and our ears)
 

• To get connection work with the very moment of distraction (the object of my frustration) - that's my cue to change direction, pace, and help Grace to focus back inside the menage and back on me.

•  If fear is the focus of my thoughts then fear is all I'll feel.  My head and heart needs to chose to remember trust and joy as equal opposites.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear;

And grace my fears relieved;

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed.

• When I'm in 'blame' mode I'm not thinking!  If I'm not taking responsibility then why should Grace?

It took less than an hour of walking around the menage, mirroring pace and energy, working with distraction, to have a calm, relaxed Grace - the old Grace, back!  Soft eyes, droopy lower lip, licking and chewing.  Everything that dreams are made of when all you want is to just "be at one with your horse". 

Grace August 5th 2015

So many highlights from today!

Having Grace lick my hands, gently, with such softness - a nice change from grabbing at me and biting.

Seeing Grace think, process, reflect and soften with the brain work, stimulation, and presumably enjoyment of some shared leadership for a change! 

Listening to Grace sigh with relaxation not boredom. 

Finding myself having a thought and saying out loud to Vicky "I don't know if this is my thought or Grace's thought but I think "I've just come home"   - at which point Grace stepped forward with a lowered head and neck and literally nestled into my body and stayed there.   Feedback that it was her idea not mine and I think i just had my first experience of sensing a horses's thoughts!

 

 

Through many dangers, toils and snares,

I have already come

’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,

And grace will lead me home.

Realising that both she and I had been lost was the biggest 'ah ha' of the day.  How can I expect her to return if im not there myself?   How can I expect her to go (emotionally speaking) to any place where I can't get to myself?  The logic of it should hit us hard.  If logic isn't enough, I hope everyone reading this blog has an experience similar to mine today.  

Parelli has been a foundation.  A set of bricks that were in place, then got ignored but sit there still strong and sure.  It is NOT about doing the exercises and using the techniques.  It IS about listening to the horse infront of you and selecting tools to suit the needs of that moment.  

Today I have a lot to be grateful for...

• Thank goodness Grace and I got lost.

• Thank goodness we are found again (or well on our way at least)!

A Breath of Fresh Air - Good for the Soul

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” 

~ Henry David Thoreau

Things were going well for mum.

She was sleeping well even when back at home.  She had a new zest for life and for living it to the full.  We had agreed to go on holiday together as soon as she had seen the cardiologist and to have things to look forward to.  Of course I was hoping that my own heart wouldn't get in the way of that plan but I still was of the opinion that I had to keep my issues to myself.  

Even conversations at home with her husband were taking on a new form for mum, as she made it quite clear to him that she was going to spend time at my apartment by the sea, to rest and recoup.  Hubby couldn't argue for once! Mum was finding her voice, and focused on living whatever time she had left, to the full.

Good for her and about time too!

It's probably no surprise that I was experiencing a similar shift in my own perspective.

My heart had been remarkably quiet since returning from holiday.  Very few bad days, seldom was my heart pounding at night in bed, and I’d had no heavy weight feeling bearing down on my chest. Even my cough had abated.  Above all, I was feeling confident with my own new breathing regimes and how my body was responding.  

Jean Michel's words of reassurance still rang strong in my ears.

I had lost my coffee supply but decided it was for a good reason and I still had my daily breathing routines.  Nothing was more restful and restorative than lying on the cross country jumps in the horses’ field, soaking up the glow of sunset, surrounded by the quite munching of horses eating grass; to breath deeply and meditate on nature's healing energy.

This new daily routine of sitting in the fields with my horses, leaning against a wooden fence, or tree or sitting deep in the long grass - was revitalising.  I was feeling younger, calmer, and stronger in myself every day.

Solar Sue happily grazing while I breath deeply by the fence

The few weeks after Mauritius were full of rest & relaxation (whilst working of course).  It was becoming a period of reinforcement of everything Jean Michel and I had discussed for the last 5 years, and of the learning's I've embraced since April 2000.  Everything seemed to be coming together yet I can't really describe what those 'things' were!

The question is would there be any visible benefits to show in either my body or my mums' body when our heart results came back?  

Fingers and hooves crossed!