Dig Deep!

A Buddhist sutra states: 

"If you want to understand the causes that existed in the past, 

look at the results as they are manifested in the present.  

And if you want to understand what results will be manifested in the future,  look at the causes that exist in the present".

As a follow on to 'Mirror Mirror whose in my shadow on the wall'.... I've been thinking about how we hide our true self from ourselves.  How this is the 180 degree opposite of a horse's nature of honesty; no masks, no pretence, no lies.

From the perspective of Buddhism, we never fail to receive the effect of our actions, whether good or bad; therefore, it’s meaningless to be two-faced or to pretend to be something we’re not. Do horses understand Buddhism I wonder?
 
American cowboys and natural horsemen believe there's no complexity to working with horses.  There are a limited number of different types of "problem horse" - horses that buck - buck; horses that rear -rear; horses that bolt - bolt, etc. With problem horses they deal with the problem not the horse.

In my coaching work with people who want to live more of the life they want  I follow a similar approach: we have to identify what's currently in the way of them having what they want, and  identify the cause/s and not focus solely on the effect or symptoms.  This is how it works...

In an earlier blog I mentioned how Grace was helping to teach me to be more Assertive, (for people who know me well this may come as a shock)!  Like many aspects of our personality a trait can show up (or not) in different situations or contexts.  Around horses, where my overriding desire to to keep everyone 'safe' and 'well' in my head there is no room for conflict, fights, and upset.  So, being assertive is something I can do in other parts of my life, but tend not to when around horses.  My belief is that it could end up with too much 'energy' on my hands and resulting in a fight or me being thrown off!  (Much like our horses our own survival instincts will usually win out).

So, given this is how I am, I could work on developing techniques - mental, or behavioural - that will improve my assertiveness with Grace.  However, I have to WANT to do that, then I have to REMEMBER those new tools and want to believe they will be of use to me.  Like a diet - the slightest sign it isn't working and i'll not bother!

Tools and techniques in life aren't always enough to get the behaviour change we need or want from ourselves or others.  (This applies when training our horses too). If it's not enough, then we have to dig deeper.  We have to search for answers to questions such as:

1. Where does this reluctance to be assertive come from?  
2. Why do I believe it is linked to  'safety'  or 'conflict'? 
3. How does it serve me well?  
4. What thoughts and feelings do I have about being Assertive?
5. What decisions have I been making, as a result of these beliefs?
6. What choices do I have?

Getting to the bottom of these questions will throw up the 'root cause' behind our current behaviours (symptoms) and the reality of why we don't do as others have told us to do, or apply techniques we've we have already learnt, or know.  

We have to dig deep to reveal things we may have forgotten about - hence they work like secrets: buried, locked away, never to be shared or discussed. Most of our 'secrets' are written and created by the time we are 7 years of age.  No wonder they aren't top of mind - that can be a long time ago!

When these forgotten events and experiences are significant such as experiencing fear, abandonment, violence, abuse, - they will have a habit of showing up again later in life as a pattern that keeps repeating;  another bullying boss;  partner who won't commit or leaves us;  another friend who can't be trusted.

Often when we struggle to be assertive around those who have some hold or power over us (in my case 600 kilos of horse power) a root cause lies in feeling that we don't have the right to assert ourselves.  At a deeper level that 'right' can originate in a life threatening consequence if we did.  That's very real.  Its a relationship with assertion that has a powerful hold based on fear, and needs to be healed before we can commit to change.

Hidden secrets can show up in unhealthy ways through our relationship with almost anything you care to think of: our relationship towards money, commitment, responsibility, trust or success, etc.  Does it mean we are in some way 'sick' because we have some buried secrets? No, of course not.  However, if secrets buried deep remain so, and do get in the way of us changing, growing or breaking free of unhelpful patterns then we can become ill.  Mentally and physically we can become sick.  We can even find ourselves accident prone, or suddenly suffering from back pain without an obvious cause. We trip up a lot, bang our right knee all the time, etc.  Small, apparently insignificant signals that we have 'stuff' to deal with.

When I fall off a horse I pay close attention to which part of me was injured, if any?  Which side did I land on?  Which part of me hit the ground first?  Luckily ive only had 3 falls in the last 2 years, but each one proved very helpful in revealing areas of my life to take a close look at.

Thank you Grace!

So rather than have secrets buried within us, I vote we all start to fall in love with ourselves, to find out whats lying dormant back there in the recesses of our past - and explore!  Imagine dating yourself for the first time - and ask all those questions you ask of another when trying to find out who they are and how they tick.

Most of all, remember why you fell in love with horses and ask yourself why?  Why you?  Why horses?  Why hasn't that love or need diminished over the years?  My parents used to say to me "one day you'll grow out of this childish horse obsession..."  I never did!  Now, it's even more apparent to me why I haven't.  Imagine the lack of personal growth in my life if I didn't have 3 wonderful equine teachers to give me honest, constructive feedback every single day.  This is something I'm very grateful for.

It is the Attitude of Grattitude that helps keep us well, balanced, healthy and able to experience the abundance that life has to offer.