Super Nanny To The Rescue...

Does Killing with Kindness work?

My recent homework was to watch more TV- specifically Super Nanny!

I'm beginning to see why... we can learn important lessons from her; the "master" of setting boundaries, keeping a check on 'love',  and reading the energy levels of others! She also knows the value of having a plan B!  Super Nanny is always the leader!

Translating super nanny techniques to our horses can work in many different settings.

One of my first 'nanny moments' with Grace was shortly after we began to learn Parelli.  In the stable with her, it took over 35 requests in the same session, of me asking her to stay behind me in the box, and not keep running forwards over me - before she said 'oh ok'!

If ever a horse has taught me to 'mean what I say and say what I mean' its Grace!

A big moving, forward thinking yet introverted horse like Grace often finds it hard to knuckle down to work for example on the lunge, preferring to do several high speed rounds of handstands and cartwheels first -  all of her own making!  A master of distraction!

In Super Nanny when the kids are "hyper" like Grace, super nanny recognises that and changes her plan accordingly.  So, if homework has to be done she'll take them to the park to have a blow off first, before sitting them down for studies. With our horses we have to decide if its best to let them do their antics for a few minutes to burn off energy or not.  I must decide if asking any of my horses to lunge in trot but quietly today is in step with what is the right thing for them given their mood and their energy level.

When mounted, on a lunge, or long line our horses should be willing and able to stay on their circle or line, take responsibility for their feet (and where they place them) and maintain the gait we request until asked to change it.  I love this principle as it helps remind me of our respective responsibilities!

I like the partnering element that underpins the principle: that we the rider/trainer can't do everything and be responsible for everything - let's face it, it's challenging enough some days such as at competitions, just remembering our test and getting past the flowers, flags and judges box!

Here are my top 5 'take aways' from translating Super Nanny skills to horsemanship!

1. Make it easy for your horse to do the right thing!

2. Be clear in your communication  ALWAYS not just some of the time!
3. Establish boundaries (and keep to them)!
4. Praise the result you want (when offered or achieved)
5. Realise quickly that every interaction is a training and learning moment for our horse 
(whether we intend it to be so or not)!

Is it bad to love a horse too much...?

... only if it creates a monster child in the process! There's nothing more heart warming than seeing a strong human - horse bond, where the human loves their horse to 'beyond and back'.  Sadly too often these can be the same relationships that lack mutual respect, honesty and true partnering. 

I've seen more owners get pushed about and walked all over (literally) by 'over loved' horses because there have been no boundaries set and maintained.  Horses are larger and heavier than us!  They understand space and body language - it's their native tongue!  Therefore it isn't unreasonable to expect them to respect our space and NOT RUN US OVER if we establish our space in the first place.  It works a little bit like the 'naughty step' in Super Nanny!

Where most parents seem to go wrong on Super Nanny is that they DON'T stick to the rules and regime she teaches them.  As soon as they waiver the child's bad behaviour returns.  I know from experience that with horses if we show them (or allow the creation of) a gap - they'll dart through it.  Our job as owner, rider, trainer is to pre-empt actual or metaphorical gaps and close them before the horse catches sight!

Besides a lack of boundary management, loving owners can fall short of doing the right thing for their loved one by getting emotionally caught up in the 'cuteness' of their horse - as it thrashes it's front leg in the air waving it about for attention, or the nearest unsuspecting knee cap!

If a horse can't be left alone for 2 minutes without causing a disturbance surely we should be concerned and want to get to the root cause, for the horse's mental well being.  Instead,  many laugh off these 'temper tantrums' as "cheeky" or "naughty wanting mummies attention" yet doing nothing to re-direct the horses' energy.  In fact in the process of loud exclamations of "being spoilt" the owner/rider draws everyone else's attention to how 'needy' their horse is in the process, seemingly with pride and glee!  In some cases these undesirable behaviours actually serve to help their owner feel more loved and needed!

Every interaction with our horse is a training lesson whether or not we planned it that way.  What sort of a role model have you been today with your horse?  What messages have you been putting out there - deliberately or accidentally?  Do you need to undo tomorrow what you did today or is it too late and now your only help is Super Nanny for Steeds?!