Do Horses Understand Us?

"IF ONLY HE COULD TALK..." 

 

"I WISH I KNEW HOW HE FELT"

 

"IF ONLY HE UNDERSTOOD ME!"

If only I had a pound (£) for every time I've heard these words said, or have uttered them myself - I'd be a wash with the lovely little coins!

Yet the truth is that horses do talk; loud and clear.  They do try to tell us how they feel and they seem to understand us in more ways than imaginable.

Think about it... our horses don't communicate using words in the same we that we do, yet they sense our intention, and they definitely know when they have pleased or displeased us, and when our reprimand of them is fair or unfair!  To consider how this works, lets remember how we communicate human to human?  

Studies carried out in the 70's show that using words forms only 7% of how we effectively get our message across to other humans.  This must be good news for the horse-human relationship suggesting the words we use aren't important so no need to pack your horse off to English classes!  But Lets not use 'they don't speak English' as an excuse to think they don't understand us!

The research concluded that 'tone of voice' accounts for nearly 40% of how we exchange information (we have plenty of evidence of its effectiveness when we lunge our horses),  and then the final component; body language, makes up over half of how we get our message across, human to human.

So if the bulk of communication and understanding between humans is not achieved through speech or words it opens up the possibility that other tools of communication COULD well be effective with other species just as it is with us. Meaning we are getting our message across to our horse whether we realise it or not!

Horses in particular, being such 'feel' responsive animals must be able to "get us" when so much of our thoughts are expressed through our tone of voice, gestures and facial expressions.  Many of us walk around like an open book!

In summary it seems that the foundation of horse and human communication is the same: feeling (emotions, sensing, touch) and body language.

In the 6 months since Margrit visited Essy I now believe horses understand us in more ways than even the obvious ones.  I have come to think that they can read our minds and even sense strong imagery that we hold in our heads.  I have reason to believe they listen to something beyond our words and pick up on our spirit; be it grounded, insecure, restless, happy or at a loss.

I have many unanswered questions that have lead me to believe this as a result of Essy's talk with Margrit.  For example, how did Essy know what my day job is in specific detail, he doesn't follow me to work.  I didn't discuss it with Margrit either.  How did he know I do public speaking?  How did he know one of my aspirations (only my best friend who lives in America knows it)?  How did Margrit know I had been eating cup cakes at the yard before her visit (which Essy mentioned to her)?  How is it when he had a hole in his forehead, each time I asked him not to move so I could clean it or pick out hairs he stood like a statue - without a head collar, lead, not even tied up?  How did he know to stand still for those few moments?

I could write an essay on the examples I have that tell me that Essy notices EVERYTHING I do and somehow knows what is in my head, heart, or both.

When Essy digs his feet in and won't go into his stable I no longer pull, push, urge, encourage or scold.  I stand quietly and visualise a big carrot in his stable.  I hold that image and stay still.  Next thing you know he walks voluntarily in - then I dash off to quickly find a carrot!  I've also done this bringing him in from the field.  

I hesitantly shared my new found point of view with a friend who in turn told me that when she tried to catch her horse in the field, and he walked off the other way, she changed her thoughts away from catching him, to "let me help you with those flies on your face" and suddenly he walked up to her.

Essy is so verbose some days that he nods and shakes his head when you ask him a question or make an observation out loud.  He backs off when he doesn't want touching.  He leans in to you when he does.  He shakes his head as if saying "no, no, no" when he wants to stand still.  When I graze him and record my blog thoughts and ideas into my I-phone recorder, I hear him snorting at key points when I play it back later that day.   Just as he did when Margrit met him and they had their mind melt kind of thing (see the video of their meeting)!

If you want to test out horse human communication for yourself, I recommend when you next spend 'non riding' time with your horse - notice the moments when he snorts, exhales, shakes his head, nods or gets your attention in some way,  and then ask yourself 'what you were thinking or saying' aloud or to yourself,  exactly at that moment!

My dear old mum spent August sitting with Essy for 4 hours at a time while he was on box rest.  The yard staff and myself have been amazed that for 4 hours she simply sat there chatting to him. He in turn stood by her, seemingly listening, head over her shoulder. When he moved off to snack on hay, he didn't take his eyes of her.  When she got up to brew a cuppa he was at his stable door watching her. The bond they have developed through this quality time together (without agenda) - just spending time together doing nothing, has created a bond tighter than air fix glue! (I do worry what stories mother has told him in their long chats .... no doubt if Margrit re-visits I'll find out)!

There is no doubt he changed after Margrit visited.  Its as if he has had a huge 'weight lifted off his shoulders' by talking to her.  It is as if he has a new sense of self confidence and his level of trust in life, myself, and others, has grown beyond explanation.

As a result of my observations I have some new rules I follow:-

1.  Tell Essy (Solar and Grace) every day how much I love and admire them

2.  Tell them that I want the best for them and ask if they need anything at the moment - and see what if anything, comes to me as a thought, sense or image.

3.  Be very careful what I say in-front of / around them.  Especially avoiding saying anything negative, critical or scary.

4. Apologise for anything I know I should do so for.

5. Thank them!  For anything and everything. Especially for trying their best for me.

In Margrit's books she offers many additional ideas for communicating with your horse.  When I am away from home for a day or more I send my love to my horses visualising it passing down a silver thread to the chest of each of them, coming out of my own chest.  I send love to them.  I asked Margrit to send her healing love to Essy when he was recently on box rest.

I am no longer afraid to feel (rather than think all the time)

I am no longer worried about if 'this stuff' works or not or if  I'm going a bit 'daft'

I don't believe I have any special skills like telepathy etc. The truth is I don't think we need to.  We just need to feel, to want to be all that we can be for our horses (our personal best), to trust ourselves, and to deliberately take moments each day to just revel in our horse's spirit.  To soak them up and love every cell of their being.  

It is also time to quit saying we don't understand our horses or wish they understood us! 

They do!

Observation feeds intuition and instinct.  Trust builds the more we are in tune with our instinct and intuition.  We notice more, witness more of what life and horses have to offer, which in turn fuels a deeper level of understanding.  Once we are on this path, there's no turning back!

Overall, it's very cool! 

Are Horses Intuitive?

A 'timely' Bank Holiday chat!

I spent time tonight, with a fellow livery hand grazing our horses enjoying the last rays of a balmy august evening, the sun setting in a dusky pink surround.

Out of the blue she commented on how "happy" she thought her horse was. Not that she believed he was normally unhappy, "but" she went on to explain it "wasn't a look, or anything in particular it was just a feeling... a sense that at this moment in his life he was particularly content".

I was struck with the timeliness of her words given that I've spent time today considering if horses are intuitive. Now, here was a lady explaining her own intuition at work.

Maybe that's how it works this intuition thing - we simply get a sense about someone, something, or a place that informs us - for no reason other than we believe it to be the case, with or without evidence to back it up. When we get that sense it sits right, it feels right, it resonates as true and we speak it as if it is so. That is intuition at work.

Are horses capable of a similar process? Why ever not? Our dogs wait at home by the front door apparently sensing when we are about to return. Cats are renown for sensing our negative emotion and absorbing it to help relieve our emotional pain.  So why on earth couldn't a domesticated horse, whose life is so entwined with ours and who is so 'plugged into nature' - not possess similar intuitive ability?

Do horses have hunches?  I'm not the expert. I am sure they sense our 'intention'; they know if someone's intent is positive, loving, helpful or not as they approach!  They seem to know when we are there to help them - if tied up in a fence line, snarled in a rug strap, or in physical pain.

They know when to be careful, even slow moving and gentle around young children, or the elderly.  Even the arrival of a puppy or kitten on a yard can bring out the 'delicate side' of a strapping warm blood!

So how do we explain an apparent change in character of a normally flighty, spooky horse into one calm enough to carry a 3 year child?

I'm sure there are some who would suggest horses are creatures of great observation, nothing more than that.  I would agree with that view point, as any prey animal will need strong powers of observation to survive. I don't subscribe to it being the whole story though - although who is to say that intuition is nothing more than 'high' powers of observation? 

Essy 2010

I'm not advocating that horse intuition is something ethereal or mystical.

On the one hand I think that because they operate with a wonderful simplicity, being present, living moment to moment and not worrying about later today, or next week, does help them to pick up on vibes, energy or whatever it is that informs intuition, being it is a very in the moment event.

Being in such a consistent space, responding to what's in front of them now, must free up mental capacity leaving space for intuitive skills to develop.  I suspect this is why so many of us (unlike our horses) are so out of touch with our intuition - having comparatively less 'free mental disc space' in our brains.

Surely intuition in a horse is no less probable than the phenomena of deaf or blind people reporting heightened acuity in other functioning senses, or elephants sensing water through vibrations in their feet.

Up to date research has now proved that human thoughts can be measured and are known to have a physical 'strength' - tangible and quantifiable.  Therefore it seems that pretty much any living organism (including plants) sense vibrational energy in words, thoughts and intent.

Given that all 'things' are actually moving and vibrating (see movie What the Bleep) with more space in them than actual matter - it's no big stretch of the imagination to consider horses pick up on all these vibrations and use their intuition to respond.

We too, have the same ability (dormant or active) if we want to see beyond the obvious and look at the spaces between the notes!

"Simples"... Right?

Being respons-able...

I was thinking of counting up how much I spend on my horses well-being then comparing it to how much I spend on my own well-being.  Tee hee!  Of course the answer is a lot on them, and not much on me!  I'll justify the delta with well thought out excuses such as priorities, and how horses can't provide for themselves, and money doesn't grow on trees etc. etc.

Yet horses do provide for themselves, and do take care of their needs quite naturally, if given the freedom to do so.  How? By responding to their physical, and emotional needs; moment by moment.  This is one of their greatest gifts they offer us, as our teachers, if we are willing to follow their lead.

This is my view of how 'being responsible' (able to respond to one's needs) looks through the eyes of the horse:-

They run when they need to run

They stop running when they have no further need to run

They sunbathe when they can

They huddle up when they want warmth

They seek out company if desired

They eat when the can, as much as they need

They lie down when they want to - not obeying any sleep patterns or time of day 

They have fun and play when they get the urge

They breed if they want to

They nip 'family' disagreements in the bud 
They follow their desires to scratch and groom as needed (see photo below)

Grace and her friend Romi "When needs must"- no time for the rider to dismount - scratching needed now!

Of course horses don't have bills to pay, jobs to hold down, committee positions to fulfil, but for most of us the extent to which we have these duties is optional -mostly we've  chosen to do them, they aren't forced upon us. Even working doesn't have to be for the long hours we habitually perform!

Unlike our horses, most of us are so busy being busy that we forget to look after ourselves.  How do you nurture yourself, what does it mean to you? Does a hot bath and candles once a month really suffice?

What do you crave and dream of?  A time in your life where you can do less or be needed by fewer people? More  quality 'down' time?  An afternoon nap? Fewer chores and tasks to do? Less pressure and obligation? More peace and quiet? Time to think...?

Many of us with horses dream of having more time with them, to enjoy them, watch them graze and chill. It can feel at times as though our horses already understand the importance of 'just being' and are waiting for us to catch on and catch up!

It can be hard to figure out how to live 'metaphorically' like a horse, if they are our teachers.  Never mind incorporate their philosophy into a regular lifestyle for oneself. Living in our constant state of 'busyness' it's not surprising we find ourselves in a mid life crisis at 40, wanting to join a commune, live on a kibbutz, or vanish into some mountainous retreat; all in the name of finding ourselves!

Spotting the signals that we need more self nurturing can be difficult until it's too late. Being hard to spot, in part explains how we get so burnt out and exhausted feeling life is nothing more than an existence with days repeating themselves endlessly and pointlessly.  How do we re-ignite the child-like spark of new imagination and desire, that we had as children?

For starters why not imagine life to be as honest as that of a wild horse?  How might that look? Could you imagine living your life...

- moving about at a consistent pace throughout the day, with less dashing about and manic ticking off of impossibly long 'to do' lists?

- grazing throughout the day on simple food, whats easily available and ready to hand - as and when hungry, a little and often?

- giving yourself permission to snooze when you get home for half an hour before cooking dinner?

- spending time with others only if you want to and it re-charges your energy?
-being more honest about your needs to ourselves and others without seeking approval?

- making an effort to clear out commitments from your diary, creating space to do more of what you want to do?

- dealing with things in the moment and not letting them escalate?

- lighting candles not only when you have time for a bath?

- not being a slave to phones, emails, alerts and texts?

- opening bills only once a week to keep them in perspective?

Finally, we could take lists like the one above, rip them up and put them in the bin.  Then go quiet and ask ourselves the important question... "What would I LIKE to do right now?"  "What do I NEED to do... (or not do) - in this moment?

When we realise that living a responsible life is about being able to respond to our needs, moment by moment (just like our horses) and not fulfiling lists, then we live a more healthy and balanced life. We become less resentful of others, bitter about our jobs, angry about life, responding like a victim or martyr.  Who knows we could become a joy to live with and enjoy life more in the process. 

If you share your life with an animal or pet - watch them for ten minutes as they sleep, rest, play or graze, and feel the nurturing effect of just watching them and taking pleasure from the simplicity of the moment and how for them, it is all there is to do - in that moment!

One of the lessons Grace shared with Margrit is that we all have the kernel of peace inside us and new habits form just like small seeds i.e. from small beginnings.  We already have the answers right in front of us.  Right now I SHOULD be cooking dinner but instead I WANTED to put these thoughts together before attending to domestic duties, so that I am in a better place to do so when I get into the kitchen.

Let's hope its a good decision ....or it's going to be a long evening and a disappointing dinner!

Essy (center stage) with Solar Sue 'chilling'

Why our heads DON'T rule our hearts!

At a  Riding Camp near Hickstead this week I was invited to offer horse riders help with every day issues including a fear of falling off, nerves, forgetting dressage tests and 'rushing everything' with our horses.  (Although no-one was rushing the strawberry tarts...delicious!)

Getting smart about how our brain works included facts about hormones and the impact of different hormones and emotions on our ability to make smart decisions, solve problems, concentrate, remember and be emotionally resilient.  Using the Heart Math technology gave individuals the chance to see the impact of breathing techniques on physiology, mental state and heart rate changes.  It was like a scene from ER or Casualty!

If it is said, that an absence of disease ISN'T health, then an absence of feeling stressed doesn't mean we AREN'T.  Many of us live in an unnaturally state of constant stress (measurable with the HeartMath tools) which can be quite a shock when we first see it, visibly as our own heart rate.  Realising we live with an unnatural (and unsustainable) level of stress can explain why things don't go our way when we ride: remember horses can feel our pulse through our leg!

Fortunately seeing our heart rate form sharp peaks and spikes as under stress or anxiety is usually all it takes to create an impetus for change and to take seriously what we mentally do to ourselves during everyday life.

It can catapult us into being honest with ourselves for the first time in a long time!

Without honesty about the mental habits we have developed and why we have relied on them, we don't find the solutions to help combat them.  Curious? Have a look at the following questions and answer them honestly:

* how many thoughts do you have in a typical day?
* what percentage are negative?
* how quickly (in seconds) do negative thoughts grab a hold of your mind and body?
* can you recognise negative thought patterns BEFORE they take hold?
* how often (in a day) are you angry?
* how often does 'what you think' predict the outcome? Example ever thought... "I knew he'd run out at that fence..." and he did!?

Most of us aren't conscious of the above until we stop and consider it. In other words we go through each waking day, fast asleep not awake at all. (The re-occurring theme of Essy's message about humans needing to become more aware).

Personally I don't teach or preach positive thinking.  Most people's brains spot the clumsy attempt to trick ourselves with fake positive thoughts. Secondly, our thoughts have much less impact than our emotions do, on our physiology, heart rate and ultimately our cognitive ability to ride well.

As proof in point, the brain performs better by 37% when we feel positive versus negative or stressed (no mention of thinking positively).

Additionally, something most of us don't know is that when it comes to neurons running back and forth between our brain and our heart, we are lead to believe that it is the brain that drives us; acting as our central control centre.  If this is true then it would make sense to focus our self improvement efforts on changing our thoughts.  However, there are more neuron pathways travelling north from our heart to our brains, than vice verse.  So our ability to feel positive or remember positive feelings is far more powerful in creating focus, solving problems, making decisions and remembering our way round a jumping course!

It seems to have taken a while to embrace what's been known to us all along, as evidenced in the many old expressions about the heart. So if your heart is set on getting back on a horse after a fall, if you have learned by heart your dressage test, and if you have a change of heart about hacking out today - you'll be in good stead if you let your brain listen to your heart, and do as your heart tells you!

a change of heart

for the feint-hearted

half-hearted

change of heart

best interest at heart

heart in the right place

heart isn't in it

know by heart

learn by heart

not have the heart to do

heart in one's mouth

heart is set against

heart is set on

put heart and soul into

take to heart

young at heart

Sweet Itch - sorted?

For the last decade, since moving to the UK Essy has lost tail hair each year, during the month of May.  It grows back in September.

He looses the hair at the top of his tail in a diamond shape.  Reluctantly I resigned myself to the fact that it must be a form of sweet itch.  (Strangely it's something I never noticed happening to him when we lived in America).  However what other explanation is there?

This May. Essy still had a neck full of winter coat so when he didn't begin to lose his tail hair I put it down to his entire coat going through a "confused.com" period!

However, even when his coat finally did shed, his tail hair didn't!

Today, his tail looks more beautiful than ever - worthy of a quick rear end shot taken this morning.
Weirdly a new layer of tail hair seems to have appeared across the top and in sharp contrast to the normal image at this time of year; namely a bald patch.

What's different?  Well his living environment has not changed. The only thing I can thing of is that since September last year, he has consistently been having a tonic by James Hart called Old Friend, added to his daily feed.  Could it be that sweet itch has some dietary basis or relationship? 

I do have other evidence to support my belief in the value and miracle of herbs and tonics when used to treat internal causes of external symptoms!

In September 2011 Essy broke out with a nasty attack of Uciteria.

For two months nothing helped him.  Steroids worked for only 3 days at a time then he would break out just as bad as before.  Skin tests revealed a horse allergic to most feeds (oats, barley etc) all dust, tons of mites, every spore and fungi known to a lab test kit  - even carrots (despite having eaten them for donkey's years before).

Vets told me to keep him in,  then turn him out but into a different paddock, keep him in on windy days, track the weather, keep him away from trees, sterilise his stable, replace every rug,  replace the grooming kit, buckets, bowls and put him onto paper bedding.  I did it all.  One change at a time and yet still nothing made a shred of difference.

By the end of October I was desperate and reached out to alternative therapies.  I booked an Iridology session for early November. This showed a very compromised immune system, stressed kidneys and under-functioning liver.  It also offered solutions to the problem i.e. herbs and James Hart tonics.

That night Essy started on the James Hart Liver Purify in his evening feed, and as much dry dandelion root, as he wanted, offered by hand.

After 4 days all the lumps had gone! 

Essy now has the liver purify as the seasons change - when the leaves open up and then drop off.  He has dandelion as a treat every other day.  The lumps have stayed away.

I can not think of any other evidence needed for me to be convinced that whilst herbs and tonics may not be the cure for all ills, and I'm not suggesting we all go around waving parsley and margarine at every problem, however, they are definitely on my short list of options when treating ailments in my horses or dogs.

As another example - on the last May Bank Holiday Monday at 8.45pm I got a call to say Essy had colic.  He's never had colic before so in a panic, I drove straight round.  He was being walked (reluctantly) around the yard.  His mouth was open, straining, as if trying to scream,  his muzzle tight and pinched.  He looked a very unhappy, uncomfortable boy.

I called the vet and while we waited I reached for my essential oils: Peppermint, Fennel and German Chamomile.  Within 20 minutes of offering him the oils to inhale, his muzzle relaxed and he had stopped opening his mouth in pain.  It got to the point where I thought about calling the vet back and saying 'hold your fire'.  However, better to be safe than sorry and so at 10pm she arrived and checked him out for an impaction. He was given the all clear.

Since then he's had an 'invasive examination' on 22nd July for his nose bleeds. The resulting hole drilled into his head, has healed at speed.  I won't show pictures of the hole (as it was bigger than I expected), but I can say that my biggest fears have been a) infection  b) proud flesh and a disbelief that a hole that size could close without stitches!

I've used specific oils to inhale (at his choosing) and Calendular Macerate onto the wound to manage all 3 concerns.  I will NEVER ever again be without Calendular Macerate for wounds and preventing proud flesh.  It has worked miracles in a very short period.   Here is the wound today just 3 weeks on - no proud flesh and there's been no discharge or infection or swelling.

I'm no 'push over' nor a closet hippy but if I hadn't seen these things with my own eyes I might be curious but not convinced.  Now I can say I am curious, convinced and confident in their help to any animal owner or care giver.

If this gets you curious look up some of the talented and gifted companies and individuals listed at the bottom, who aren't yet blessed by vets, which is such a shame. When I think how many horse owners struggle on, spending small fortunes, with veterinary treatments, as I did with Essy's Uciteria - without an adequate fix  - it's such a helpless feeling.

There seems to me to be no reason why vets can't sell tonics, herbs or oils too.  They don't need to see these tools as a threat. They compliment Vet science nicely.  There is after all, more to life than just things that can be proven in a lab or under X Ray. 

If you're still in doubt about the value of herbs - ask yourself why is the herb Valerian banned under FEI regulations?  Answer: because it works as a calmer and so therefore, YES it is seen as a performance enhancer.   Aren't we all missing the point however ....that it WORKS as a calmer! 


When two of my fellow yard liverys hacked out together at the weekend, one of them allowed her horse to stop and graze wild herbs in the hedgerows.  They both noticed how her horse selected very specifically what he wanted to eat and told me about it on their return.

Horses aren't greedy.  They will self regulate.  They will also self medicate if given the chance! It's up to us to at least offer them that chance.

If horses 'get it' why can't humans with all our intellect and powers of reasoning and science?!  I guess first we have to 'want' to get it and be willing to learn or UN-learn stuff that we have been too quick to accept and absorb as LAW.

My wish is that there's a future where we can throw out the rule book, and look beyond, below and above what Science alone offers us.

Essy Today Picking Off The Heads of Thistles

http://www.equineherbals.com/

http://www.naturallyanimals.co.uk/

http://www.thewildhealthshop.co.uk/

Let Food (or Parelli) Be Your Medicine said Hippocrates!

Last night I was asked "If I miss riding" (given that Essy and Solar Sue are retired and Grace is currently not in work).

I thought for a second then realised that actually "no; I don't'!

I do miss playing polo.  I miss some aspects of riding such as the thrill of speed and power, and I do miss looking forward to riding, but because I expect to be riding again, I've not considered 'not riding', until tonight. 

So what is my 'food' equivalent for my well being if I'm not riding? If we aren't riding our horses what's the point of having them?

Truth is I'm having a blast just enjoying spending time with them, observing them,  'being' with them,  sitting in the field with them, watching them graze, learning Parelli, practising 'in-hand' and letting them self select their herbs.

Honestly I don't know how I ever found the time to ride in the first place!

My summer has been full of 'mental and soul food' : I've had new horizons and learning opportunities open up for me, including Animal communicators, Herbalists, Homoeopathic Vets and inspiring women saving Pandas, Lions and Whales.

I've been on courses that have expanded my awareness into all sorts of new directions that are nurturing this blog. I've been joined by a new found interest in horses from my elderly mum, and we've been on walks with the horses exploring the property.

My knowledge of food as a medicine for my horses has come on leaps and bounds after time spent with James Hart: a wonderful man whose career is a work of art for horse health and well being.  What he doesn't know about herbs isn't worth a bird song.

A day spent brewing herbs in neat Gin really was my idea of  'navana'!

As an example, I learned....

1. Ginger has over 500 compounds in it - so much diversity that it's resistance free
2. St John's Wort is prescribed 10 x more in Germany than Prozac as an anti-depressant
3. Nettles prevent kidney stones
4. Ragwort is a bi-annual so once it flowers and dies it's done
5. Comfrey is superior to diclofenac in studies conducted in 2007
6. Valerian is FEI banned because it works as a calmer
7. Products with extract ratios higher than 1:10 is a waste of money
8. Neem Oil and Wormwood are great for Fly control
9. Raw cabbage (not red) is great for ulcers
10. Nettles have higher Vit C level than any other fruit
11. Calendular Macerate prevents proud flesh (testing this out with Essy's head wound now)

Instead of riding, time spent hand grazing Essy for 2 hours a day has given me plenty of thinking and observation time.  It's been a tonic to have the chance to watch the clouds roll by;  a murder of crows pick at a field; rabbits scampering around and Red Kites call as they soar above. 

I've read books while we graze and composed blogs in my head. I've noticed Plantain now growing in the fields, and noted which of my horses savours which parts of a thistle plant.

As Pat Parelli says "the best place to develop a relationship with a horse is on the ground".  That's lucky for me right now!  He also says "Relationships first".

There are days where I feel my ridden work has for sure gone forwards one step and backwards 3 steps! But our relationships the four of us, and the three of my horses together, has grown notably.

If I am to put principles into practise that resonate like the Parelli "Good, Better, Best, never let it rest" concept, then I'm reminded that where we are today is heading towards a better place, right before the best of places, and once we're there there, they'll be another level to start us off again.

Today, Grace couldn't maintain mental stability in her circle pattern work on a long line. Whether or not I miss riding; I'm not going to get on her when something or nothing sets her off and both front feet go vertical into the air.  Control over my horse's feet is important to me before riding Grace again.

The pair of us need to get our act together if we are to be partners when I'm in the saddle.  Grace chooses when to pay attention. I drive my car drifting in and out of attention! Neither of us have our mental game together yet.  Time is the one thing that I want to use to our advantage so that we can come to understand each other better and both grow smarter along the way.

The food that I want to be my medicine is that in whatever my horses and I do, that my horses get all the credit and none of the blame and we all have fun in the process!

Back to Basics!

"We want an Essy Grandma!"

Since the arrival of my elderly mum onto the yard to keep Essy company while on box rest, we've all had a bit of a reminder of how easy it is to take things for granted about your horse and what he /s he offers you, especially the simple things.

If we are honest, most of us no longer feel joy and delight in the simple pleasures of our horse doing as we ask in hand, or around the stable - we just take it for granted and expect it.  Last night, watching my mum revel in the fact that Solar Sue walked backwards when I showed her how to ask for it - was both humbling and heart warming. 

 

As a 76 year old who has never before lead a horse, never mind put on its 'collar' - the last three weeks have been a revelation for anyone watching from the side lines.

I've had comments made to me about "how quiet my mum is with Essy" and how "gentle" and how "sweet to watch it is".  Comments like this remind me how rough, tough, boisterous and noisy we can be around horses - out of habit, our need for speed, or simply having an agenda to achieve.

Horse and Hound this week had a piece on the Equine sound system - "horses can hear commands spoken at low volume" does my mum know that already and it's only the horsey set that don't?

"Essy's Grandma visits" as they've become known have seen her sit with him outside his stable for up to 4 hours at a time, just "chatting"!   She gives his head a cool sponge down, offers him essential oils to smell, (noting down which he responds to).   She's now taken to leading him round the yard, to the front gate and back. Amazingly he behaviours superbly well!  Like all grandma's her handbag is packed with treats: carrot Julienne, Waitrose prunes, organic apple quarters and Johnsons wet wipes!

...She is religious at capturing the start of a runny nose! 

So it's become very obvious that sometimes our own learning and awareness is heightened by the actions of a 'newcomer' who go about 'being with horses', in a very different way!

Last night I caught myself brushing Grace's long thick mane.  I realised if this was my own head of hair no way would I be this rough.  I didn't mean to be rough.  It certainly isn't how my old mum would brush it though!  So, it seems I'm learning from a total novice how to 'be' with a horse in a way that is more in keeping with what Essy's teachings are about: 

• awareness
• softness
• healing touch
• peace

If horses are here to bring us peace its going to be hard for us to recognise that in amongst our noise and no nonsense way of doing stuff!

Watching Essy and my mum interact is an absolute joy.  They both seem to be exploring boundaries without a single moment of anxt, pressure, power, force or anger.  

There is a huge absence of expectation!

There is a peaceful quietness to their time together.

Essy continues to find new ways to teach me how to 'wake up' and be more 'aware' of what horses respond to, and how without appreciating the basics our horse offers us, it will be hard to move forward.
 
I watch with admiration and intrigue as their journey unfolds,  thrilled to be a part of it and learning vicariously as we go!

Now if only I could get her into some 'sensible', horse appropriate shoes!

P.S. to what we resist....

I'm pleased to report that I have made it beyond ten hours in my new way of being: CHOOSING  when to worry and when not to!

The result of this morning's 'worry free moment' felt worthy of a quick note to boost self confidence for all of us trying to grow in awareness and make personal change happen....

While hand grazing, Essy and the same horse from earlier this week, wanted to sniff again, over the paddock fence. This time I stood back, loose lead rope and let it happen, feeling calm and relaxed. 

Nothing untoward happened :)

Interestingly after about 5 seconds Essy moved away anyway- so what did I have to worry about after all?!

Later on, the other horse approached us again so I 'kept out of their way, and my own'.

They spent longer sniffing than before and then the other horse offered to scratch Essy's withers!  Such a natural, uncomplicated and loving act, yet this wonderful horse 'grooming gift' would have been missed by all 3 of us if I'd worried and pulled Essy away as before.

If there are rewards for choosing the right course of action, this felt like positive payback for sure!

It is a small step, but every destination is reached by taking a series of small steps, one after another.

Say GOODBYE to my worry head days!

What we resist; persists!

Whether you've come across this expression before or not, when we hear it there is a certain resonance to it - it makes intuitive sense!

What we resist; persists!

If we resist being honest and don't have those 'needed but difficult' conversations in our relationships at home, the need to do so increases.  If at work we continue to 'make do' instead of following our dream job and doing work that we love, our dissatisfaction grows.  Jealousy of others for 'having it easy', 'having fun' 'having plenty'- whatever it might be that makes us resent or judge them, will only compound our own harsh self judgement into more feelings of being useless, worthless, or not good enough.

Today's wake up call was about worry!  I worry - a lot!  

I was grazing Essy. He wanted to approach another horse to say 'hello'. Immediately I braced.  Would they squeal? Would one of them kick out and get hurt? If anything got out of hand would I be able to control the situation? 

They sniffed politely and silently yet still I had to pull Essy away after only seconds, fearful that something could happen.  As I did I found myself apologising to him for being such a kill joy!  That was when I realised that I go through life with a permanent 'worry switch' set to ON, even when I'm chilling out with my horse!

For the first time I began to wonder if worrying so much was normal?  Why did I do it? What did I get out of it?  Where did it come from, and can I stop?  Then I realised this is what I'm always nagging a loved one to STOP doing!  Ouch!

I've been resisting looking at why I worry; as a result I'm awash in it! 

They say "ignorance is bliss!" They may be right! Take for example (and I mean this nicely) - my mum who aged 76, on Sunday lead a horse (Essy) for the first time in her life.  She did it beautifully!  She never stopped chatting to him!  She had no knowledge of the speed with which a horse can spook, take flight, turn on a sixpence, race forwards, pull backwards, dislocate your shoulder or break your fingers in an instant.... which was probably a good thing,  but you can imagine my level of angst on her behalf!

Today, I overheard myself telling a friend on the phone that I've had to call the vet over 13 times year to date!  Why so many issues she asked? Apart from he fact my vet looks like Alfie Boe, I drew a blank -  I had to stop and think!

It seems that until I faced the fact that this level of reason to worry isn't normal, I'd not thought to question it. Worrying has always been at my side - a faithful companion through life: school, exams, work, promotions, moving abroad, public speaking, marriage, becoming a step mum, getting older, etc.

If the line "be careful what you wish for" holds true, then I've given myself exactly what I want in life by having 3 horses.... 3 times the amount of stuff to go wrong and plenty of opportunity to worry. Surely I should be happy in my guaranteed world of worry!

Yet, my recent and sudden jumping lesson has reminded me that being with horses is about fun. Its reminded me what it's like to ride bare back through a river in the fresh summer evening air. Today's realisation has shown me what I now need to work on if I'm to have more fun - i.e. worry less!

As is often the case when we want to grow and be more aware, we first have to learn how to get out of our own way.

Tonight I didn't go to see my horses after work, knowing that my dogs needed my time and attention and that I wanted to write this blog. Amazingly I am doing OK.  The world hasn't imploded.  I don't like missing a night of seeing them and being with them, but I don't feel anxious.  What's changed? One thing: instead of assuming worrying is normal, Ive asked myself " do I need to worry about this, now?"

It seems that just by being aware that I don't HAVE to worry, is liberating me from it.

Worry is a choice, and choices need conscious decisions.  Ill not pretend I don't worry. I'll not avoid it or deny it.  I'll not talk myself into thinking more positively instead. I will however,  chose when I do and don't need to worry.  That way I can be more aware and conscious of how much worry I let into my day instead of being force fed it like a goose for his liver!

I'm only 10 hours in but so far so good!  Long may it last...

Mood Enhancer - free of charge!

Aren't fields pretty?

No wonder our horses don't seem to suffer from bad moods: surrounded by fresh air, greenery, rolling clouds, ever changing light and all the gifts of nature: rainbows, raindrops and roaring winds.

How much more at peace might we be if we didn't fight traffic jams, sitting in our metal vehicles; live in houses with doors and windows tightly shut against fresh air and weather; if we didn't work in toxic offices, full of harmful computer waves, endless chatter and ringing phones - often bare of natural light?

It's not hard to realise how our 'chi' or life force begins to get zapped.

As a friend and I walked back from the field last week we both wondered how it would feel to be a horse?  She felt it must be wonderful - to have your favourite foods all around you wherever you walk: literally up to your ears in food! We imagined a world full of chocolate 'to go' on tap!

I can't imagine how it feels to have to lift your head up high to take view of the sky.  How it must feel to smell fear in the air. To know when the weather is about to change with more accuracy than any fancy meteorological equipment can do.  To read the energy and intention of another species. To be silent, rarely making a sound yet constantly communicating using space and boundaries.

It's a different world from ours.  It's this difference that can hold such appeal, often acting as a needed 'pick me up'.  I was reminded of the power nature can have and the contrast our lives often deliver when a lady I recently worked with explained she rides at 'silly o'clock' each morning so that her horse gets the 'best of her' - early in the day.  How sad for us that as the day wears on, it wears away the best of who we are.  How great that she gives her horse her 'personal best' time but what can we do to stay better connected to our true, whole selves, despite what the day throws at us?

Perhaps next time when we are tempted to reach for a 'glass of something', a quick slice of retail therapy or carrot cake to erase the worst of the day, we take a quick trip to the field instead.

As a mood enhancer it does have the benefit of being both cheaper, and better on the hips!

Enough is Enough or Dont Give Up?

I was enjoying my riding lessons ... until last night!

So what do you do when neither you nor the horse are enjoying yourselves?  Stop, take stock, think through the options and 'get off', or 'kick on'?

Last night - I got off!

I'd arrived on time, handed over my hard earned cash, collected my steed - so far so good.  On leading " Mable " to the menage I suspected a problem when she stopped dead in her tracks and refused to budge.  As I stood there feeling a bit of a burk (in front of a small crowd of onlookers) and trying to think through how I was going to get her to move I had a flash back to riding the donkeys on Blackpool beach as a little girl.  The hardest part was not stopping them, but getting them to move in the first place!

Eventually Mable decided to move her well planted feet and we arrived at the menage.  

I mounted and asked her to walk forwards.  After less than 2 laps of the school in walk I spoke aloud that " I don't think this horse wants to be in here, doing this" - here was a horse that didn't want to put one hoof in front of the other!

The trainer informed me that Mable was 7, and was currently in re-schooling'. 

I asked "Why?" 

I was told that she isn't very forward going.  No shit batman!

Less than 8 minutes into the lesson, I was being told id have to administer a "pony club style kick", and to give her a "good smack with the whip".

This was one of those "moments of truth" that marketing consultants talk about... where the customer has a choice to buy a merchants service or product, or not.  It only took a second for me to reply that I was NOT going to administer a pony club style 'boot' as it was her ribs i'd be kicking.  I'm not willing to do that, I told her that's "just not me".

I decided to give her one smack with the whip.  Her reaction prompted my next decision. She didn't buck or rear or spin.  She simply signaled her clear unhappiness by pinning  her ears back, twisting her neck and humping her back. Enough for me to know this horse didn't want to work. She didn't want to please me or respect me or obey me.  She didn't seem to want to know.  Not that I could blame her - who was I to her?  I'd only just appeared in her life, got on her back and started making requests of her.

For a further lap of the school I found myself thinking weird stuff like "don't give up Deb" and "think your way through this" and "you can ride her, just persist".  With each thought followed another contradictory thought saying "enough is enough"!

I turned into the center of the school and told the trainer "we were done."

It did and yet didn't seem like a big deal at the time.  Big- because we were less than 10 minutes into the lesson.  Big; because of the shocked look on her face.  Not big - because neither the horse nor I were enjoying ourselves. If it isn't enjoyable for either of us why would we carry on?

In those few moments, I realised that as a rider we always have choice.  If we are present and in the moment we can chose for ourselves the right course of action and as long as we are willing to be wrong in the pursuit of what is right, we'll be fine.

Deciding to stop the lesson and dismount will appear wrong to many horsemen and women. Attitudes and beliefs about "not letting her get away with that" will no doubt come to mind. I thought it myself (briefly).  But the thought didn't resonate with me for long, didn't feel like me because the truth is that it isn't how I think.  I didn't own it.  These sort of thoughts are the thoughts and sayings donated to me by others in the horse world, passed on over the years. They don't express my attitude or my beliefs. To me, a horse so unwilling to go forward needs help and understanding.  I'd rather teach her that humans can offer compassion, versus teaching her who is the boss.

My final words to the trainer were simply that " I'm not that kind of person, and I don't want to ride a horse with kicks and whips, that's not why I ride"

When I took Mable back to her stable.  I was overwhelmed by a deep feeling of sadness. Once in her stable alone with her, I cried.  I couldn't hold back the tears.  I wasn't even sure why.

Was I picking up on her sadness? Was I crying for all the horses who are repeatedly kicked in the ribs, or whipped to conform? Or was I crying with the realisation that it would have been so easy to follow the trainers instructions and take no responsibility for my own actions.  I would have regretted that but it would have been easy to do, because "kick her" and "make her do..."  is so often the expected thing to do.

It dawned on me that if you know what your intention towards horses are; know why you ride, and what are your limits and boundaries, then I think it makes it compelling and easy to do the right thing for you and the horse, in each moment. 

As our horses would say, "what other moment is there anyway, other than the one we are in right now?" So why not do whatever you can to enjoy it, and let go of 'agenda' or the need to achieve a certain outcome?