Some days when you get bad news it can feel as if you are falling, spiralling down and down! As a child that was a recurring dream I used to have but I was never sure if it was a nightmare or if I somehow enjoyed the falling sensation.
What if.... that recurring dream was a hint at what was to come? What if that fine line between something being a nightmare or a thrill, is one of my life lessons to learn?
As an example, Essy's hematoma and Solar's heart are major distractions for me in my life. Distractions from what? From feeling happy, relaxed, at peace, confident that things will be fine! I have close friends who wouldn't let such matters 'set them back' emotionally, so why do I?
I have to look closer at why, for me, these thing become such a major pull on my emotions, energy and focus.
What my horses have helped me realise since my post about "worry" (what we resist; persists), is that any time one of them is ill, injured or off colour my tendency is to:
I am now curious about when I am so busy doing stuff, do I have the clarity to see what's actually going on? Or, do I just want the problem to 'go away'? I think it's the latter and I think that's because on a base level my survival instinct kicks in.
Survival instincts have a valid role to play - late at night in a dark alley, alone, or, when asked to mount a bucking bronco 'to prove some stupid point'. In both cases our inner chitter chatter fires up and tells us (hopefully) -"turn back; don't do it"!
Sometimes our inner voice offers advise that turns out to be quite extreme, and invalid as the situation often isn't a life or death one.
Such moments might include when you decide to leave your spouse, resign from your job, betray your best friend's confidence, or leave your current yard - often because drastic feels appropriate! We end up in this place usually because our mind says things to ourselves (or others) because it is uncomfortable with the current situation, and it wants to get away!
...It is beginning to feel important to know the difference!
When our survival instincts over ride our ability to see the situation clearly our ego is running the show. Auto-pilot kicks in. We become helpless in our own body and mind, leaving us in a high state of self defence. Another problem this causes is that when we are so busy defending our own actions what we get back is others doing the same thing! Put simply:
If your an angry person, you'll find a lot to be angry about! If you can't see a way forward in life you'll keep tripping up over obstacles. If you feel unloved and unlovable, you'll push more and more people away as you fall headlong into martyrdom! So it goes on.
So, we tell ourselves we must 'fix' other people or the situation; we make rash decisions and thereby limit the choices available to us. We pull up the drawbridge to defend ourselves and push everyone else further away in the process. This convinces us we were right in the first place to retreat and withdraw and we fall further into loneliness, helplessness and victim thinking. What fun!
It's pretty clear when you write it out like this. We set traps believing them to be our survival kit, and end up falling into them ourselves, trapped by the four walls of our mind.
To 'see clearly' rather than 'fix' means we have to break this cycle. Letting go, and accepting what is happening is the first step.
The only problem, in my own experience with 'letting go' is that sometimes we think we have let go when we haven't. We deceive ourselves. Take as an example this quick exercise to try out:
Exercise:
Drop a head collar onto the floor in front of you (or pen, paper plate any object easy to lift up).
Then ask a member of your yard or family to 'TRY to pick it up.'
They will probably bend down and pick it up easy peasy.
Stop them! You asked them to 'try to pick it up' not 'to pick it up'
Ask them again to TRY to pick it up.
Now watch their confused expression. Watch them hesitate with their body language. They will be unsure what to do/ how to do it!
After a few agonizing seconds (or minutes if you are enjoying the moment),
Ask them now to just 'do it' 'go ahead and pick it up.'
They will do so with ease.
Think about what just happened! When we try to do something it is a faulty concept, trying in this context doesn't really exist as a behaviour; you either do it (pick it up) or you don't! There is no middle ground. So it is with acceptance and letting go. There is no 'putting it off for another day' and still telling yourself you are working on it. You won't be! You don't need to work on it - you need to just do it!
You either accept and let go, or you don't! If you are busy "trying..." then you haven't done it yet, you haven't let go! When we put off till later, then our next thought tends to be full of defence and justification about why!
Notice how quickly this then spirals down into that cycle I outlined above of withdrawal, retreat and dismissal. Pretty soon you find yourself saying "oh why bother! It cant be that simple anyway!"
So, the moral of this life lesson for me (so far), has been...
I think that to "survive" in this context means we can choose to find, and be true to ourselves, our passions, our life lessons laid out for us, in order to avoid 'extinction' - my equivalent of losing sight of who I am or who I can be!
What if.... that recurring dream was a hint at what was to come? What if that fine line between something being a nightmare or a thrill, is one of my life lessons to learn?
As an example, Essy's hematoma and Solar's heart are major distractions for me in my life. Distractions from what? From feeling happy, relaxed, at peace, confident that things will be fine! I have close friends who wouldn't let such matters 'set them back' emotionally, so why do I?
I have to look closer at why, for me, these thing become such a major pull on my emotions, energy and focus.
What my horses have helped me realise since my post about "worry" (what we resist; persists), is that any time one of them is ill, injured or off colour my tendency is to:
act in order to try to fix things!
 |
| Miss Fix It! |
I am now curious about when I am so busy doing stuff, do I have the clarity to see what's actually going on? Or, do I just want the problem to 'go away'? I think it's the latter and I think that's because on a base level my survival instinct kicks in.
Survival instincts have a valid role to play - late at night in a dark alley, alone, or, when asked to mount a bucking bronco 'to prove some stupid point'. In both cases our inner chitter chatter fires up and tells us (hopefully) -"turn back; don't do it"!
Sometimes our inner voice offers advise that turns out to be quite extreme, and invalid as the situation often isn't a life or death one.
Such moments might include when you decide to leave your spouse, resign from your job, betray your best friend's confidence, or leave your current yard - often because drastic feels appropriate! We end up in this place usually because our mind says things to ourselves (or others) because it is uncomfortable with the current situation, and it wants to get away!
Survival and escapism are not the same thing!
Fleeing and freedom are not the same thing!
Freedom and liberty are not one in the same!
...It is beginning to feel important to know the difference!
When our survival instincts over ride our ability to see the situation clearly our ego is running the show. Auto-pilot kicks in. We become helpless in our own body and mind, leaving us in a high state of self defence. Another problem this causes is that when we are so busy defending our own actions what we get back is others doing the same thing! Put simply:
"We get back what we put out"
If your an angry person, you'll find a lot to be angry about! If you can't see a way forward in life you'll keep tripping up over obstacles. If you feel unloved and unlovable, you'll push more and more people away as you fall headlong into martyrdom! So it goes on.
So, we tell ourselves we must 'fix' other people or the situation; we make rash decisions and thereby limit the choices available to us. We pull up the drawbridge to defend ourselves and push everyone else further away in the process. This convinces us we were right in the first place to retreat and withdraw and we fall further into loneliness, helplessness and victim thinking. What fun!
It's pretty clear when you write it out like this. We set traps believing them to be our survival kit, and end up falling into them ourselves, trapped by the four walls of our mind.
To 'see clearly' rather than 'fix' means we have to break this cycle. Letting go, and accepting what is happening is the first step.
The only problem, in my own experience with 'letting go' is that sometimes we think we have let go when we haven't. We deceive ourselves. Take as an example this quick exercise to try out:
Exercise:
Drop a head collar onto the floor in front of you (or pen, paper plate any object easy to lift up).
Then ask a member of your yard or family to 'TRY to pick it up.'
They will probably bend down and pick it up easy peasy.
Stop them! You asked them to 'try to pick it up' not 'to pick it up'
Ask them again to TRY to pick it up.
Now watch their confused expression. Watch them hesitate with their body language. They will be unsure what to do/ how to do it!
After a few agonizing seconds (or minutes if you are enjoying the moment),
Ask them now to just 'do it' 'go ahead and pick it up.'
They will do so with ease.
Think about what just happened! When we try to do something it is a faulty concept, trying in this context doesn't really exist as a behaviour; you either do it (pick it up) or you don't! There is no middle ground. So it is with acceptance and letting go. There is no 'putting it off for another day' and still telling yourself you are working on it. You won't be! You don't need to work on it - you need to just do it!
You either accept and let go, or you don't! If you are busy "trying..." then you haven't done it yet, you haven't let go! When we put off till later, then our next thought tends to be full of defence and justification about why!
Notice how quickly this then spirals down into that cycle I outlined above of withdrawal, retreat and dismissal. Pretty soon you find yourself saying "oh why bother! It cant be that simple anyway!"
So, the moral of this life lesson for me (so far), has been...
"When you find yourself at home, work, or at the stables trying to 'FIX' - stop!
Consider in that moment just how clearly you are seeing the situation.
Notice your thoughts, the decisions you are presenting to yourself and the choices those decisions empower you with, or not!
Then, LET GO!
Accept it for what it is and give yourself permission to stop spiralling.
Now you can move onwards and upwards with less 'noise' blocking you from actually hearing and growing."
Consider in that moment just how clearly you are seeing the situation.
Notice your thoughts, the decisions you are presenting to yourself and the choices those decisions empower you with, or not!
Then, LET GO!
Accept it for what it is and give yourself permission to stop spiralling.
Now you can move onwards and upwards with less 'noise' blocking you from actually hearing and growing."
I think that to "survive" in this context means we can choose to find, and be true to ourselves, our passions, our life lessons laid out for us, in order to avoid 'extinction' - my equivalent of losing sight of who I am or who I can be!
Excellent post! I love that trying exercise!
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