February 10th 2013. I heard Essy's wishes loud and clear. I had help. Now I want to capture what I heard and bring it to life so that others might tune in to their horses, with some unimaginable changes that follow.
On a day brimming with messages of "Happy Mother's Day" I only had one wish...
... for my horses to be re-connected with their Mothers, living or otherwise,
spirit form or physical.
What does "mothers day" mean to a horse owner or carer?
Many of us see ourselves as our horse's mum! We 'bill and coo' at them, uttering "mummy's here" or "mummy will get this or that for you.." others describe us as their mum either to our horse, or when talking about us, in front of them.
Why? Is this just a habit we've got into, or is it born from some deeper need to play 'mum' and feel loved and needed?
To me it doesn't matter. What does matter is that I have an overwhelming feel of 'wrong doing' whenever we find ourselves fulfilling a maternal role for our horses, without consent. I'm just not sure it is what they want or need. It seems more about 'us' than it does 'them'. Instead of doting on them human made gifts of new bandages or head collars, instead of dreaming of the latest saddle to make them perform better, shouldn't a loving 'mum' offer them field time with a buddy, no metal shoes, or feeds free of high starch, molasses and sugars? Isn't anything less, disrespectful to their needs, and who they are biologically? Isn't mothering our horses forgetting all those amazing Mares out there - the real mothers of our horses, who should not be forgotten from our thoughts.
That might sound quite extreme and 'odd' but it's how I feel, why? I think because it's about both respect and equality - two important values.
No matter how many parents there are out there doing a good job, many do not! There is nothing worse than a parent not respecting who their child has become, when grown up. A parent not seeing you for who YOU ARE. A parent refusing to let go of 'their baby of the family', etc. It tips me over the edge of all reasonableness and into a big time danger zone....!
I have no argument with any woman (or man) wanting to pour their love on another. Though surely, we can express that love for our horse as a friend, carer, or companion, without the need to take on a parental role? Surely we can learn to show love for our horses in a non-human way, by fulfilling as many of their needs as we can and never settling until we've achieved more! This would put the relationship much more on an equal footing.
How can a human be a parent to another species? Many of us seem to struggle to do the job well for our own kind, so what would the "how to" Manual for "Inter Species Parenting" contain?
Parents play their most useful role, in the early years of our life, when they are in control of our every need: feeding, dressing us and keeping us safe. Beyond that some can grow and change with us, into fine friends and mentors, others don't, and continue to 'micro manage' our every move.
The basis of parenting (in a child's early years) is not based on equality and respect. It is based on right and wrong, survival or vulnerability, fear, control and 'mum knows best'! That's not a dynamic I wish to impose on my own horses but if we are honest, for many of us it is the only model of parenting that we identify with.
How well would that work for our horses? To me it wont work well for so many reasons. Firstly, humans have developing needs, evolving over time, a lifetime in some cases! Eventually, some of us realise who we are before we die. Horses tend to be evolved and 'whole' sooner. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, they are who they are, early in life - relatively speaking and they stay that way throughout life unless at the hands of human abuse or cruelty.
Secondly, and I've written before on this point, is the dynamic of 'control' and how that does not work well for many horses. Can we give "being in control" up, and follow our horse's lead? How does a horse respond to the inevitable pressure that someone controlling them exerts on them? How does a horse without freedom of expression learn, grow and handle himself safely and calmly in a human environment?
I've been on a fast track learning path about what a horse needs and in the past I certainly didn't 'know best' (thought I didn't know it), nor do I know it all yet. I'm learning every day, about what a horse needs, and how they experience a life of domesticity with us humans.
My own role with my horses is to focus on how best I can meet as many of their needs as I can, being the one making decisions for them about their freedom, feeding, exercise etc. If this is your experience of being parented (meeting another's needs) - great, maybe you as mum to your horse wont tip the disrespectful scales in the wrong direction.
If it's not, then maybe we should each find our own version of parenting that would raise healthy functioning adults and once we've figured that out, consider if it is ethical to apply it to a horse. If we conclude it is, then knock yourself out playing mum!
Meanwhile next time you catch yourself doing baby talk to your horse, ask yourself if that sounds like respect, equality and you recognising your horse's needs and evolution? When we clothe them, bed them like hamsters and cage them up for hours at a time, are we recognising and respecting the horse within? Do we see our horse as a horse, or a rather large surrogate Barbie doll, to do with as we desire?
Are we playing parenting games dishing out homework, chores and curfews because we can and haven't stopped to consider another way?!
(My thanks to Vicky Spicer (https://twitter.com/VickySpicer) for getting my creative juices going today!).
Does everyone need a personal coach these days to help us survive life, or at least try and get the most from it?
More and more I think we do! It's a shame, as the only reason is because we've lost our way (meaning we used to have it). We have strayed from our path, our life lessons, lost in the thick of norms, technology, expectations, fears (real or imaginary), our selves and of course our beliefs!
When I coach people in either business life or outside of it, with horses or not, everyone has the answer to their own questions - without fail. Most of us just can't recognise those answers even when it jumps up and bangs us in the head! Nearly always, we refuse to give ourselves permission to believe in our own answers. A coach can help legitimise what we already know or what we discover with their help!
The life of a coach is highly rewarding, helping people find their way out of the maze or thick soup that life can feel like, day to day. For anyone with a horse in their care, I believe the horse can be our coach.
You've probably heard people talk about the horse being a 'mirror' and a great provider of feedback. I would agree. I also sense that our Horses can act as a personal 'accelerator' (on our journey of self development).
This accelerator will propel us forward. It won't necessarily mean we get from A to B in the fastest time, as we all know deviations appear that can slow us down. Every time we have a fall from a horse, or our horse suffers an injury it can act as a 'deviation' in the journey, and, it should always be welcomed as a necessary part of that journey, no matter how hard it is to view it that way.
Even a growing feeling of discontent with your current trainer, riding ability, or livery yard are all examples of deviations. On the good side they are 'wake up' calls! When they happen they are like a layer of an onion being peeled back to expose more of what we need to learn. It is the things that we learn from that tend to propel us forwards the most, help us to see more, understand deeper, and receive more back in return.
Deviations can help us remember what connects us to horses in the first place!
Set backs help us learn more about ourselves, what we think, how we feel and what we do that leads up to those 'deviation moments', and any patterns within them.
The personal self development journey available to each of us, is not a linear one. Nor is it a general trip that we are all on, instead it is a very individual route that we each chose to make, to start and maybe not finish, or in some cases ignore for our entire lifetime!
Ultimately, I believe that our horses have the potential to connect us back to what is important in life to us as individuals. They help us find simplicity and honesty, if we know where to look; to find an easier right of passage. Take as an example the debate about how much physical effort it takes to ride at Olympic level. This question was recently posed by a Canadian Blog called "Horse Listening".
Let's face it we have all dismounted from our horses hot, sweaty, puffing and blowing at one time or another, but do we stop to think about 'is that right?' 'Is there another way?' or 'should it be normal to end up red and dripping in sweat?'.
When you do stop to ask and ponder, you tend to suddenly come across someone who can show you "yes, it can be different" and they show you "how"! In my case it was Mario from Portugal, (see earlier Blog) who showed me that all that physical 'effort' is totally unnecessary, especially with a big warmblood like Grace.
Or, you find a video of others riding effortlessly without tack or gadgets, no reins to clutch and saddles to grip!
These become 'moments of truth' if we chose to see them as such. They prise open small gaps between our eye lids for the light to shine in, for us to glimpse a new perspective or way! But first, we have to face up to if we want an early divorce from our love affair with strife, effort, hard work and difficulty!
Horses provide a way to wake up and consider our legacy. A lifetime legacy or just the legacy we chose to leave behind... today, and today seems a good place to start!
To keep things practical a "daily legacy" can begin with one simple question:
"what do we actually leave behind, when we exit the barn each evening: sunshine or clouds?"
How much sunlight do we emit for our horses or other humans around us? Have we helped others see what might be hidden from their view? Have we shined a light on what a horse needs or is trying to communicate? Have we had our own eyes opened a little more in return? Have we stopped to listen to what we say or look at how we interact with our horse? Or, do we blindly spend time in denial of our instincts, and those of our horses, shielded below dark clouds of ignorance?
When we stop to notice, think and reflect on these questions or any other, we begin to work out which version of 'me' shows up when we are with our horses, friends, family, or colleagues at work. Are we one way with our horses and another, at work? Are we all fun and consideration at work and a stubborn control seeking battle axe with our horse?
I'm using extremes to make a point here, but what I'm getting at is that the strongest legacies tend to be left by people who live a congruent life: they know who they are, they live that way at home and work etc. (sounds like a horse doesn't it)!
The alternative, living life wearing different 'masks' for different people and situations, is exhausting and can pull us further away from being more of our true self. (More of all the best bits at least, and why wouldn't we want more of that)?
Mask wearing is another deviation in our journey and delays our personal growth from living a fulfilling life.
The key in life besides learning to have fun, is to live in a consistent 'way'. To have different work masks, home mask and party face, confuses us and leaves those around us feeling uncertain of who we are. I wonder which mask we present to our horses, and with what level of consistently?
Horses help us to wake up and see more of ourselves, and what we can be when around them (good or bad). A subject for another day will be what we can do about it if what we see isn't how we want to be seen!
In the meantime, and as a forerunner to sharing tips on how to change aspects of our life or our behaviour that we take for granted, or don't understand ... consider this question:
Q) How many of us can honestly say we go through life with our eyes wide open? That we see, feel, hear, and sense our way through each moment, minute, hour and day? Or, that we know the difference between when we do, and when we don't?
The first step in working on yourself if you want to grow and develop, is to 'wake up'.
Step 1: Wake up!
Before we can wake up we have to know when we are asleep!
Another way of looking at this, is to consider yourself as a machine switch: with an on and off lever. The "on" mode puts you into automatic pilot with no responsibility for your actions, words or deeds. The "off" mode disables the auto-pilot and leaves you functioning in manual mode, on your own, with full responsibility for everything you do, say, and don't do or say!
In which situations could it be helpful to be on auto pilot, given that we aren't actually machines?
Remember the auto pilot is like a safety switch, it is there to help us survive!
Important bodily functions that need to be automated such as breathing, blinking, sweating, digestion etc. are all served well by a neurological auto-pilot mode; the autonomic nervous system.
Knowing when to run from a stranger in a dark alley is a good example of being on auto-pilot.
Knowing when NOT to get on your horse and listening to that instinct is another great survival application of being on auto-pilot.
Knowing that last time you put your hand into a hot fire, it hurt so it's likely to hurt again - will no doubt be true and your auto-pilot has every right to be in charge!
Etc.
When does the auto-pilotmode not serve us so well?
Actually, and rather frighteningly, for many of our daily interactions with others, here's a sampling:
All those times when you say things you wish you hadn't and even wonder why you did and anyway "where did all that anger come from" that was loaded behind it? (Auto pilot)!
All those times you did something without considering an alternative possibility. Even the days you go to work the same route, because that's what you do.
When you did or said something to someone you cared about even though you KNEW it would cause hurt, anger or upset, but you went ahead anyway.
All the times you went ahead and 'nagged' someone, instead of letting it go, when on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being death) it really only warranted a 3!
Each time you flew off the handle and couldn't help yourself!
Moments where you were spiteful, hateful, unkind, uncaring, unloving, dishonest - all circumstances of being on auto-pilot where your control centre thinks they know best for that situation.
Every time you lied to yourself pretending you weren't!
When you lied to someone else!
Every time you don't stand up for what you want, feel or is important to you.
Each moment when you feel hurt or shameful because someone else has told you you should!
Every day that passes where we don't challenge ourselves, learn something new or question what we are doing with our lives.
Whenever we take the easy 'typical' or expected road versus carving out our own.
When you know you shouldn't ride for whatever reason, but you do to prove a point!
When you criticise yourself or your husband or horse.
When you ignore your instincts and rug up your horse because everyone else does!
When you ignore logic and nature because your vets says he doesn't understand your point of view and he must know better right!!
Etc. Etc. Fill in your own ....
A life with horses is full of daily opportunities to stay on 'auto-pilot' mode or chose to switch if off!
I think this is why 'quiet time' with our horse where we SHUT UP and stop talking, and where 'no agenda' time can be so valuable in helping us to tune into ourselves and what we are doing, and wake up! By doing "less" in this way allows us to flick our auto-pilot switch to the "off" position, wake up and take back control of what we leave in our wake!
To receive lessons our horses offer, we need to be paying attention in class! Homework would entail counting how many times a day, we operated WHILST metaphorically speaking being fast asleep! (Remember the sample list above of when this is in play)!
"people remember us for what we do and how we make others feel, not for what we say"
...unless you're Shakespeare or Oliver Wild!
As we craft a legacy I'm sure our horses can provide more than just a helpful nudge in the right direction of what to look at and where to start. Is it worth considering them as our coach? I believe so, after all, what will our horses remember about us, says so much about who shows up when we're around them!
- Will they have felt that we knew them, and honoured their needs?
- Will they be grateful for our compassion, companionship and selfless-ness?
- Will they have felt our gratitude towards them, for having been our teachers?
- Will they remember us for having left them bathed in the healing powers of sunshine or depressed by the clouds of our ignorance and ego?
A great thing about questions is that it gives us a map to explore for finding answers within. If we do open ourselves up to our horse as our coach, they have enough patience and compassion to bear with us as we search.
I'm pretty sure that whatever advise most of us have received in our lives, after about the age of 6 it wasn't to simply "go out there andhave lots of fun"!
Before the age of 6, it's perfectly ok to play, imagine, create and indulge (24 x7), in fun making activity. Then it changes, and after about the age of 6 or 7, it becomes increasingly taboo and discouraged! What fills the gap? In my view an over emphasis on Control. Control your self, your emotions, what you say, what you wear, what you do, how you spend your time, what you eat, when you do your studies, and on and on.
It plays out in our riding too. As I've said before in earlier posts, too often when we interact with, or ride horses, other 'more knowledgeable' so called experts bark at us to "tell her who is boss" and "make her get over that jump" etc!. It's always about control and us exerting control over a half ton horse.
Yet do any of us stop for a moment to consider the horse? Does the horse actually understand our need for control and therefore submission to it (should they even have to)? Is it a meaningful concept? Is it based on equality and compassion and therefore help us to really connect; human to horse and vice verse?
The origins of this need for control seem to come from our fundamental belief that we are the central or most significant species on the planet (known as an anthropocentric view). This in part explains why we assume these roles and positions of control over other species. Be it at Zoos, in the domestication of animals for pets, or sports; the use of animals in agriculture, drug testing and research. We simply barge all over other species - their rights, feelings and emotional and physical needs. Often without a thought!
Is our need for control actually setting us up for a fall, literally? Let's take for example the possibility that it is us that creates a spooky horse! Our need for control is so ingrained in us that it takes over and gets in the way of letting our horse figure out situations and dangers, for himself.
The moment a horse's attention leaves the menage we grab hold and pull his head back down, dismissing what he needs to look at and often causing tension as a result. As soon as he slows down on the hack, head going high up to look ahead at something in the distance, we again push on, dig in, and exert control. In either situation what the horse actually needs is to assimilate the context of his new observations. He/she needs to take in data, to look, pay attention, smell, sniff, and sense with his all of his body and being.
Grace taking her time to breath in a human!
This happened once with Grace, when I was not the jockey due to injury. While Grace was being schooled by an experienced "trainer" another livery was readying herself to ride her horse next. She placed her boy's saddle on the menage fence. I presume it must have given off a strong smell, something undetectable to me, as what happened next was a classic in horse human mis-communication.
Grace suddenly wouldn't go past that section of the menage fence, she spooked, she cavorted, she was snorting, and genuinely 'concerned'. Instead of the rider bringing her calmly over to the fence to investigate the foreign object, and quietly move on once the threat of danger was eradicated, she went into 'control' mode. The rider kicked, pushed, shouted and bullied Grace. Grace in return threw everything back at her; more spins, running backwards and a big bout of nappy behaviour.
It was a great demonstration of how 'control' was completely the wrong approach and did not create a solution for horse or rider. The situation became unsafe, burst horse and rider's confidence bubble and the next two trips into the menage Grace was on 'high alert'. (It's the only time she has ever had a poo in a menage, such was her legitimate fright).
Control: Can you turn it on or off?
The moral of the story here is; give a horse time to take in a change in their environment. Say no to bully, strong, power based control techniques and give the horse a moment to figure out if he needs to nap and spook, or walk calmly on by!
If a horse doesn't know who he is or where he is he becomes a ticking time bomb! Think about it; we want instant results, fast training methods, short cuts, guaranteed solutions and quick fixes. None of which plays to the innate skills of a horse and how he takes in the world to decide if it's safe or not, which takes time and careful consideration.
Surely even if we are the 'so called dominate species on the planet' it is our duty to make sure our horse is not helpless, or turns into a reactive animal with his senses overwhelmed and frazzled, without time to assess. Especially when we are on his back!
Francesco De Giorgio puts it beautifully when he says "a relationship can not be developed when it is based on a behavioural outcome that has to be controlled". He goes on to say horses spookiness is due to their living conditions rather than it being their "innate state of being".
Imagine! If it actually ISN'T a "given" that horses will always spook - and that instead of being something we have to accept, we now take responsibility for it being something we create!
Wonderfully, that means we can do something about avoiding and minimising it, horse by horse. Some practical tips for doing this:-
1. Spend time with your horse in the paddock together, doing NOTHING!
2. Introduce items to your horse in the paddock or menage, one at a time, over days and weeks be that wheelbarrows, tarpaulin, buckets, door mats
3. Let your horse stop, look, smell - anytime he wants to or needs to
4. Bring your breathing consciously down whenever your horse seems tense - breathe in for the count of 5 and exhale for the count of five - filling your belly and emptying it on each respective in and out breath
5. Take time with your horse - stop rushing to get him moving, trotting, into canter, progressing etc
6. Go for walks, down lanes, round the yard, paddock on a long line, with him taking the lead and you following
My homework after Chris Day's visit was simply to observe Essy!
Now bear in mind that the homoeopathic pills haven't arrived yet so our remedies are not (as far as I am aware) in play... I am still seeing a lot of stuff!
Thursday as I walked up to Essy in his field exactly 24 hours after meeting Chris I noticed from a few yards back, a lump. On the left hand side of his neck. Here it is:
As I got closer, I then noticed on the right side of his neck, something new also; a spherical growth of black fur! It literally appeared overnight. Here it is:
I have no idea what this means, if anything, nor how or why they appeared. A friend suggested the location of the black fur spot is close to a Chakra point. If it is, I still don't know what that might suggest beyond some movement of 'chi'.
Friday night when I arrived I noticed that black fur spot is still there, and the lump on his left side is still visible and has been joined by another lump lower down. Here they are:
They could be bites. They could be hives. They could be part of some detox process. I don't know.
On the clearly positive side, Essy is showing signs of being his old self and calling to me when I arrive at the yard, willingly walking with me round the menage AND hasn't had a nose bleed for 2 days. Even the discharge from his left nostril is less foamy and more clear and runny.
Saturday saw a nose bleed early morning but by afternoon all lumps and bumps had gone. Just one black patch remaining.
I will continue to monitor and observe.
I don't know how to explain some of the things I observe in Essy's
healing process. Maybe I never will. However, I can't dismiss what I
see. I won't dismiss anything just because it doesn't fit comfortably
within a paradigm of what is known, and what is fact or can be easily explained and therefore deemed to be true.
Surely
if we only relate to and explore, facts and logic, it's akin to being on a
train track, without any opportunity to swerve right or left, and adjust our
direction away from the 'pre-set' or default - often programmed by someone else!
If we practise a life of no risk, no adventure, no going 'off-piste' we sow a seed that reinforces fear for when and if we do take a new road.
I am sure Essy is teaching me much more than I have yet realised, or tried to understand. I am lucky; his lessons don't involve injury to myself, but at times I wish I could swap places with him so that he wasn't the one going through whatever it is he is experiencing. All I can do is be there, watching, ready to support in any way I can.
For now, starting last night, I'm adding a Liver tonic to his feeds as I'm certain I am seeing liver activity erupt before me. We've been there once before (see my post called 'Experts on; Experts off), so I should be getting smarter now at 'spotting' the signs early!
The "Princess and the Pea" is a literary fairy tale by Hand Christian Andersen about a young woman whose royal identity is established by a test of her physical sensitivity.
The story tells of a prince who wants to marry a princess, but is having
difficulty finding a suitable wife. Something is always wrong with
those he meets, and he cannot be certain they are real princesses.
One stormy night, a young woman drenched with rain seeks shelter in the prince's castle.
She claims to be a princess, so the prince's mother decides to test
their unexpected unwitting guest by placing a pea in the bed she is
offered for the night, covered by 20 mattresses and 20 feather-beds. In
the morning, the guest tells her hosts that she endured a sleepless
night, kept awake by something hard in the bed; which she is certain has
bruised her. The prince rejoices. They marry and live happily ever after (I think)!
It has always been one of my favourite tales from my childhood. It is only now that I am uncovering why and it's not because this tale took my IQ to a new level!
When our IQ is raised we can begin to think in new and different ways, it can help us on our journey, take us to visit more varied and interesting places - real or conceptual. However, it can also delay the speed with which we get from A to B creating detours in our progress through life. One of the most successful detours I've encountered (but only recently realised) is that created by Science, logic, evidence based research and rational thought. On their own they simply can not reflect and explain everything in life and the sooner we question "what else is there"that can help us to understand, the faster we will develop.
I believe we have all the information we need in the universe and we've lost our way to tune into it. Perhaps some people like healers and 'communicators' can tap into those resources but I know I currently can not.
My education and upbringing, (like most people) was governed by a formal, structured, linearly progressive knowledge dump. Knowledge recall was tested and if we went to university knowledge application was called into evidence. Then it ends! Just like that. We are released into society to figure out what else makes life actually tick, what is real and what is not!
Our Western education system builds walls around us, comprising some truth, some lies and many more unknowns. Our IQ should enable us to look over the walls we've built up so we can sift out 'what is for real' just like the Prince's search for a real princess.
Half truths to me are simply all those things that others reject outright simply because they haven't really looked! Take Homoeopathy, Clairvoyance, Kineseology, or The Horse! One man who seems to understand this principle better than I is Chris Day from the Alternative Veterinary Medicine Centre.
Chris visited with Essy this week. It is all part of my plan to try to deal with the Ethimoid Hematoma, the frequent nose bleeds and to relieve Essy's headache pressure that Margrit felt when she came on March 1st, this year.
Long story short; Chris saw Essy's head was out of alignment and adjusted it. He also found his TMJs on both sides were tight as wires feeling like a set of Guitar strings! (Solar also felt like this but not Grace).
He massaged the tension out there and then.
After a few seconds Essy relaxed, eyes began to close and he seemed to find it beneficial. The real test came later....
I had not mentioned to Chris (and for the life of me I don't know why), that since early January Essy has not been able to eat carrots. He is only offered them when 'the old woman' visits at weekends, so when we both noticed he was spitting them out, it was cause for concern. However, because he eats everything else, I did not call the vet or dentist.
When his treatment with Chris finished we noticed how much hay he was loading into his mouth - gobbling it up! Chris asked me if that was normal. No it wasn't. He usually eats in a more 'dainty' manner for a boy! This gave me an idea and I rushed off to ask a fellow livery if she had a carrot. She did. I offered Essy a carrot - and he ate it without a problem. Wow! He must be feeling better already!
Back to the treatment:
After working with Essy's head and TMJ (see link for some useful reading on the importance of the TMJ), Chris went on to do an adjustment around Essy's pelvis. Then he began to dowse. The dowsing prescribed two remedies for Essy one of which will helps with right sided problems especially the liver. Chris felt Essy's side is more protruding on the right and he agreed with me that his coat is very different and undergoing changes on the right side that are not present on the left.
On the right side (since the onset of this winter) his hair has grown in a new way. It travels in at least four different directions in places, and buts up against itself forming a shelf or ridge. Although Essy tested negative for Cushings last July, I believe he is suffering from Cushings symptoms especially with his loss of temperature regulation. He has chaste berry daily, in liquid form to prevent its onset.
Fur on his left side is quite different and normal...
It seems that no small thing you notice is too small, and is definitely never insignificant!
So one remedy will address, right sided issues and liver. The other remedy is great for vascular strength and disorders. Both will be homeopathic pills placed (untouched by human hands), directly into Essy's mouth/ lips.
I watched Essy like a hawk throughout his treatment. He doesn't interact with men too often - and can be distant and retreat from them. With Chris he was his normal self. He was relaxed, and showed signs of deep peacefulness (healing) around Chris. He watched him dowse, and as soon as the dowsing ended, put his head over his door and had a good look around.
I noticed immediately how much more interactive with his environment he was. He seemed more alive, more interested. He has been worryingly quiet and less engaged with life, me and his environment since I returned from holiday.
I loved how 'non invasive' the experience with Chris was. Chris confirmed what Margrit had said about the damage done internally to horses who have the operation to try to deal with Ethimoid Hematomas. This was the final piece to my jigsaw - a Vet saying 'no way' !
I was keen to know what 'to look for' in Essy once we begin the remedies. I loved Chris's honest answer "I don't know" he said. The 'body is weird' he went on to explain. Sometimes symptoms get worse, change or we see nothing at all. He described it as a bit like throwing stones in a pond, we just have to watch the ripples and notice where they go.
It's what we observe that's important!
One thing I did notice within minutes of Chris leaving was the gleam on Essy's coat and mane crest, and how incredibly 'light' I felt!
Chris, like Hans Christian Andersen understands that 'nothing just happens' in life. "The world doesn't work like that" he explained. There's always a cause and an effect. "Things can just happen even when we haven't found /don't know the cause". I suspect in part that this is the best explanation I've heard (although Chris didn't express it as such), for "what is a Miracle?"
Chris's final words as he left, brought me back to the Princess and the Pea:
"He's an angel isn't he?"
"Yes" I replied. "I think he is"!
I continue to learn how rarely weknow the real person (human or horse) and fail to notice so much more about them and its always the simple things in life that reveal more of 'who' that person is in all their full glory.
It's funny, how after decades of dreaming of having my own fab dressage horse and becoming a dressage diva, it's actually these simple moments of horses interacting with each other that bring me the most joy and pleasure!
In an earlier blog I toyed with the idea of letting my horse lead me for a change.
It's early days into the process but here are some of my reflections on what has been a really valuable experience.
'Ah-has'...
The first thing I noticed was how my brain immediately tried to 'plan' the session! Yes, I actually began to create a mental map of how I would NOT Lead, including all the things I would not do, which left me bereft of what I actually would be doing! (Guess it's a pretty foreign concept for me right?!)
I found myself thinking 'what kind of a person needs to plan how they will follow another?'
Don't you just do it? Answer? Yes, but following is a skill that requires close observation, being present, letting go of control, being non judgemental and spontaneous, and, of course a willingness to wait for something to happen! None of which describes my normal 'Modus Operandi'!
(Needless to say I caught myself 'mid-planning' and had a good giggle and stopped!)
So, what did I do?
I lead Grace into the menage, shut the gate, and stood stock still. After a few glances at me (where I'm sure I could hear her saying 'well aren't you going to do something?') - she walked off. That was my cue to follow.
When she stopped I stopped
Whatever caught her attention; gained mine!
Where she looked; my eyes went too
When she exhaled, I let go and exhaled
When she turned to go in the opposite direction I was at her side
However long she stood and observed something in the distance, I held my gaze too.
I didn't dive my nose literally into the rubber and sand when she did to take a long sniff (maybe next time), but I did kneel down to get much closer to it.
Throughout our evening saunter, I found myself utterly fascinated by how she experiences life and what this life might actually be like for her. Some of those observations that fascinated me, were:-
What does rubber and sand smell like to a horse?
How can it be so easy for a horse to stand motionless watching something for five minutes straight?
What makes them then move off, or change direction? What gets their attention?
What are they thinking?
How do they process information?
What can they small on the wind, in the air, on the human at their side?
What do they make of our requests to go round in circles seemingly without purpose, outcome or process?
What constitutes fun for them, if that concept applies?
When is sniffing 'enough' and turns into time to move on?
Some moments of intrigue for Grace...
(Needless to say I did have to intervene before I lost my rear windshield!)
(I know the pitch fork shouldn't have been there, but a clinically barren environment doesn't feel authentic for me or her so please forgive it's presence)!
As we sauntered around the menage without head collar or rope (unlike in the above videos), I can honestly say it was fun to just be there with no reason other than to observe and study my horse as she explored things and places, sights and sounds.
It was a joy not to be making all the decisions and wondering was I communicating clearly, respectfully and effectively? It was great not to have the responsibility for balancing exercise, stretching and fitness. Interestingly we had no cartwheels or spooks and nor did I at any time feel unsafe or have cause to question hers!
It was a very peaceful, refreshing evening. I loved so many things about 'following' not 'leading', including:-
a horse can be intrigued by simply absorbing information
a horse seems to follow the same rules as we do i.e. 'minimal effort, maximum result'
a horse will naturally savour moments for freedom of expression, adventure and exploration
as Francesco de Giorgi says in his book 'The Cognitive Horse' ...
"you can bring a horse to 'your environment' or bring 'your environment' to your horse"
Given a choice and left alone, how would your horse pass his time? Will he alternate between being the leader and being the follower? He unreservedly knows the difference, the question is do we?
A final thought from Francesco De Giorgio's book, reads:
"only when you give horses the space, the context, and the time to create their own experience, their own learning, their own sharing, when you focus on their quality of life, will you see the horse as he is"
My 'agenda free' time has certainly made me question how in the past I have not seen the Horse for the horse, and I'm now very keen to continue to explore "The Horse Within", with each of my individual horses. I'll be reporting back in due course!
Do you remember playing "Follow the Leader" as a child? ...
It's a game where a leader or "head of the line" is chosen, then the children all line up behind the Leader.
The leader then moves around and all the children have to mimic the
leader's actions. Any players who fail to follow or do what the leader
does are out of the game. The last person standing other than the leader
is now the new leader.
Looking back I can't recall if I enjoyed the game or not. Was I ever the leader? If so, how creative was I in leading my followers? Was I any good at following, and copying the leader? What did I learn? How important was this game as part of my growing up?
What I do know, is that as adults we play this game all the time, often without realising.
At work, we learn to mirror and match the body language of those we need to impress, influence or emulate. An entire industry exists around the Art of Leadership, learning it, being assesed in it and of course both Industry and the Military can't exist without it.
This lead and follow concept even seems to happen at home. Not just in terms of men and women taking turns to play a lead role over things like managing finances, managing the kids, or picking out the new curtain fabric, but its such an engrained dance of 'two step' that we end up even looking alike!
Research says married couples end up looking alike, taking on each others mannerisms and facial expressions. Taken to another extreme you may have found yourself watching Crufts this week and thinking to yourself 'how alike many pets and humans' look.
It seems that within any normal day, we can spend time in either the "follow" mode or the "lead" mode, except when it comes to being with our horses. When, I bet for most people, we revert to taking the "Lead" role. Even if we consciously try to soften our leadership style believing it to be a 51:49 joint venture, ultimately WE assume the position of Leader.
Why, and is there an alternative?
Traditionally we are taught by others that most alternatives are fraught with danger putting us in risk of getting pushed over, trodden on, thrown, bitten, kicked, trampled etc,. (Thank god horses don't work in our offices too or we'd never leave home)!
Parelli and 'Join Up' have in many ways helped many people pave a way to safety when confronted with such overpowering risks. Interestingly, when you re-examine these techniques (all of which Ive experimented with), they still assume and are based on the fact that WE must take the leader role.
This got me thinking.... and so I now want to investigate what it might be like, to un-learn being the leader, and to play the game of " follow the leader" with my horses. I want to find out what happens when I follow them and their attention and whim, without any pressure, agenda or purpose from me.
I want to find out what that's like for me now, as an adult. What kind of experience will it be? Can we live in harmony and safety? What will my horse and I get out of it? (Spoken like a true left brained, linear thinking human)!!!
Will I even be able to let go of the need for control? First I'll have to have a clear picture in my head of what that alternative looks like and how i'll do it.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/convenience.html#OUtPkxyhmtGcE3L
"The ultimate measure of a man is not
where he stands in moments
of comfort and convenience, but where he
stands at times of challenge and convenience"
- Martin Luther King
My years living in Texas taught me many times over that my American friends live for convenience. I must confess that it can be very appealing, until you stop to question why! Only when we question what we do, and why, can we see that convenience might cause us to deceive ourselves.
Convenience means, "the state of being able to proceed with something without difficulty".
This quest for convenience used to show up on a daily basis in my coaching work with people who would ask me what " 4 step Model" I use to change a person? Or, wanting to know exactly how long it would take to change the habit of a lifetime! You see where I'm going with this...? Convenience can quickly start to become a substitute for taking personal accountability. So what starts out as a desire to make life easier for ourselves, can rapidly lead us down a path of less convenience and irrelevance!
I've often found myself wondering where this lust for convenience comes from and if it doesn't take some of the joy out of living life, with all its ups, downs and quirks along the way?
How do we learn without taking the wrong turn now and then? How will we problem solve complexity if we only relate to simplicity? How will we handle environmental change, diverse relationships, new technologies and inter species co-habitation, if it doesn't come with a 3 step 'How To' Guide?
Today, for some reason, I found myself having an imaginary conversation with an imaginary non horsey person (both roles being played by me) - maybe I was feeling a little bored!!!
The conversation went like this...
Me 1 to Me 2: "Why do we put horses in stables?"
Me 2 to Me 1: "So they are clean when we want to ride them?"
Me 1 to Me 2: "Ok. So why do we put them in stables for hours - all day or all night?"
Me 2 to Me 1: "Um,...so they are ready for us to ride them when we need to??"
(I started to sound a bit wobbly already....)
Me 1 to Me 2: "So, in the middle of the night you may need to ride?..."
Me 2 to Me 1: "Of course not, its just that we might need to ride early in the morning"
Me 1 to Me 2: "And that's a problem why?"
Me 2 to Me1: "They might be dirty and muddy if they aren't already in"
Me 1 to Me 2 : "And that's a problem why"
Me 2 to Me 1: "We may lack time in the morning to clean them"
Me 1 to Me 2: "What even in the summer?"
Me 2 to Me 1: "Ok usually not in the summer"
Me 1to Me 2: "And what about horses that aren't being ridden (for whatever reason)?"
(Now I was stuck and the truth alighted like a Phoenix from the flames....)
Me 2 to Me 1 with exasperation: "Look, its just easier for us!"
Its funny how hard it is to be rational about why we do some things with our horses. In this example the horses needs are where? Yep - nowhere! It's all about us! When people ask me for a 4 step Model to follow it becomes all about the model or process, not about them! We use convenience to mask accountability. We use it as a deflection from thinking through things for ourselves.
As prey animals I guess this makes some sense. As egotistical beings it figures too. The problem is do we want to be egotistical and behave as primitively as a prey animal when we believe our selves to be so much more? Problem is we can't have our cake and eat it so which do we want? Who are we?
When habits, conventions and norms are in place it can be hard to shake ourselves free of them.
The logical retort to the convenience argument about why we stable our horse, (for what can be unhealthy periods of time) is that if we had a mucky horse on our hands is it really the end of the world? I could make a case to say you've got more time on your hands because he/she isn't stabled all day or night, so why worry?
Think of all the time we would save by not mucking out, sweeping our stables, emptying and filling hay nets or hay bars, water buckets, wiping stable walls down, re-sealing rubber mats. Less time spent ordering bedding, helping unload it when it arrives and arranging the muck heap man to come and remove it once it's dirty. Not to mention time saved not sweeping up around the muck heap and poo stacking in the muck heap, to get as much in as we can, in one load.
I guess poo picking time in the field, could increase, unless the horses are in a big enough field that harrowing fixes that problem!
If our argument is we 'don't like getting our hands dirty' grooming a dusty, muddy horse - my advise is to find a new hobby/profession. A life outdoors, with animals will always entail a fair amount of muck!
So, all things considered, a few minutes longer spent grooming - what is after all supposed to be a 'get to know my horse' experience, is hardly the biggest threat imaginable to man's quest for convenience.
Don Rumsfeld once said...
"Arguments of convenience lack integrity and inevitably trip you up"
...I think he may have been onto something!
The
ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort
and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and
controversy.
What we see impacts how we live, what we do, what we think and how we feel!
Many girls like myself went to bed with Fairy Tales littered with battles between Good and Bad, white and black witches, young girls and evil step parents - where victory usually fell to the "Good"!
Then, we grew up and gradually realised that the Tales were flawed; the just desertsdon't always go to the 'good girls and boys'.
In my quest to find a better more natural way of living with my small horse herd I've come across wonderful people, horses, places, inspiring thinking and heart warming stories. I've also come across stories, videos, and in some cases real life encounters with people I'd class as in the 'bad' camp. Then once in a while Ive stumbled on stories so sad or situations so dire, that it has pulled me down, deep into an inner debate about the future of man kind and our value add to the planet. Last month, the plight of horses left to die in Fosse Park, Leceistershire was one such true story. It's left me wondering, is there more good than bad out there? Do we have a future as a compassionate responsible planet, nation and community?
The dawn of 2012 and the prophecies that it would be "the end of the world" was not about the world ending in its physical form, as per some interpretations, but it was about humans ceasing to be the way we are, and finding a new, more enlightened way. It was a prophecy about our spiritual evolution. Not God or Allah but spirituality meaning our ability to connect with everything around us, become more of who we are and value all living creatures - two or four legged, winged, scaled, black or white.
It was predicting an important 'tipping point' in our evolution where we would start to consciously choose a dark existence or light, despair or hope, negativity or positivity. 2013 and the years ahead, are about an 'energetic shift' away from struggle towards a more fulfilling existence.
In summary, on December 21st, 2012 (always an important day for me as it's my birthday) the scales would tip - one way or the other, towards black or white. It would set the course for our future.
A year on and I'm still wondering do we know how to make that shift? A life spent in comfy
co-existence with hurt, blame and punishment isn't easy to shed. So, will it all 'turn out ok' at the end of the day? What's the evidence for or against? Certainly, the start of 2014 has felt very mixed to me.
The dawning of the Year of the Horse gave me cause to celebrate in the hope of inheriting or aspiring to emulate some of the energies implicit in the horse - his/her energetic,
bright, warm-hearted, intelligent spirit born to be free and expressive.
So far this year has been a year of having my eyes opened to another reality. A place where humans are steeped in cruelty, disregard, violence and punishment. Seeing videos and images showing animals (not just horses) on the receiving end of our in-humanity is utterly sickening. Learning that people whose work we have followed don't practise what they preach can fill us with disbelief as we suddenly question our beliefs .... "well if he or she can't walk their own talk, what hope do I have"?
In a previous blog I've freely admitted my own cowardice at facing unpleasantness, in life! At times because it feels too overwhelming to become fully aware of the details of atrocities that families, animals, nations suffer, on a daily and hourly basis. (Did you know in Africa an elephant is killed by poachers every 15 minutes because humans want their tusks)! How did we stoop to such an all time low?
But then, with each recorded 'plight' there is a silver lining. Usually in the shape of a Good Samaritan. It so often starts with a single human being, deciding (or spontaneously) moving to act! Add some bravery and willingness to be outspoken and suddenly there are followers, public awareness and a campaign to change things for the better. The Fosse Park plight is one such instance with a peaceful protest now planned for April 16th in London. (For details see my facebook post).
Being honest, it can be too easy to switch off the play button on the video, walk away from the horse tied to a stake without food or water, or ignore a mother's violence towards her child. These are those 'black' moments and it is a conscious choice we make each time we do nothing.
When we find ourselves thinking 'we can't make a difference' - we can! Mark with the Fosse Park horses has demonstrated this so very clearly, it all started with the compassion and love felt by one man towards horses in plight.
In Joe Camp's book 'Born Wild' he lists American women fighting in the law courts the unlawful activities of the Bureau of Land Management and their violation of the wild Mustangs.
Authors, bloggers, speakers and trainers who really want change are not afraid to voice their opinions; thank goodness! It won't mean they are all right, or all of the time. As Ive written before, if it makes you want to run away from their version of the truth, maybe we should linger a little longer, just long enough to question what deeper truth we are trying to avoid by turning away. Oftern there is an important life lesson for us to be learnt. Yet, at the same time I continue to urge us all (at the same time as being open), to also be discerning and evaluative enough to find out our own individual 'truth'. Notice what we are drawn towards and what resonates with us, and what does not.
Better to be curious and discerning versus closed and blind; following like the proverbial Lemming without stopping to think why and what else is out there?
Bottom line, one of the worlds best selling all times book The Law of Attraction holds a tight belief that what we expect, desire and believe in will manifest itself.
If we believe we are unlovable, chances are we will be on our own. If we don't believe in commitment we'll fall in love with partners who leave us or are married and aren't free to be with us in the first place! If we view the world as a favourable place (see one of my life long friends work, book, blog The World is a Safe Place), we will find much to be happy about. If we believe the world is un-favourable 'life's a bitch and then you die' we're likely to find lots of uphill struggles along the way.
So to a large degree, what is around us; Good versus Evil, will be a mirror reflection of our view of the world. It will grow along with the growth of positive or negative thoughts and feelings emitted by us, our friends and family, neighbours, colleagues and countrymen. We, singularly and cumulatively will impact what is around us. We can therefore, chose to believe (and will find evidence to back it up) that every fallen horse is a reason to give up and give in, believing we are alone in our angst and unable to fight it. Or, we can see it as an opportunity to bring into view all those unknown good Samaritans out there, waiting to make a difference!
We will still face a year of frustration but alongside it we can nurture gratitude and appreciation. Starting with ourselves, today, and, allow it to grow for the benefit of us all, and so many unknown Others.
For me personally, I owe a massive debt of gratitude to an 'Other' known simply to me as "Mark the Fosse Park man" with a heart and a willingness to act that has restored my faith in the Unknown Others out there waiting for their calling. I hope that includes me too.
