Clinging On!

Why do people follow the word or practice of others, with the fervor of a religious calling?

In this post the question posed is for us 'horsey folk' to consider our devotion to any horse training techniques, be that "natural" or 'other.'

It is irrelevant to this post what any individual training technique is, or who the teacher is.  I am not about to rain on someone's parade by condemning any method or style of horsemanship.

I simply want to pose questions around what lies beneath our own behaviour when we cling to methods, heroes or gadgets, especially when those methods get challenged and we fight hard NOT to listen, clinging to it, as if it provides the only truth!

What might surprise us is that often our 'followership' of a method or technique runs much deeper than simply buying into the logic behind it, or the attraction of the results it creates.  Let's explore...
 
We all have the potential to house a strong desire to remain who we are (our unique identity), even if that causes us problems such as addictions, religious fanaticism, victim mindset, or loser. Siblings fight to differentiate themselves, children fight to 'be seen' by their parents and spouses fight 'not to be changed' by t'other!

We want to be ourselves and remain true to that! (Or, at least be true to the person we think we are and see as ourselves).

Who we are and what we believe in, originates from our past - our early childhood years.  However, we've forgotten to remember that almost nothing that was going on in our lives and environment back then, still applies today!  Most things have dramatically changed.  Many of the people who were early 'influencers' on our thinking and behaviour aren't around anymore.

Most of us don't re-visit our childhood born beliefs to evaluate if they are still useful today. 

Why not?  What are we afraid of?

First of all, knowing who we are provides certainty; we know our role and our place in life, society our family and home. We also know what to do in certain situations and we become predictable to others (which others like).  Once we believe something (for example 'nice girls don't boast' or 'hard work brings just rewards'),  such beliefs become like a backbone supporting us, which makes us very resistant to change them.

Additionally, as social animals our identity and beliefs help us to take our place in the herd. Without it, we cannot relate or bond. Social exclusion seems to be worse for many of us, than any of the complaints resulting from a problematic identity and belief system - including addictions, crime, or a victim mentality. 

In other words,  on a subconscious level as long as we are someone and belong to a social system or group, we can live on, however problematic. (Also explains why on Face Book someone wanted to know "who is Debbie Percy" as if I had to be a 'somebody' to voice my questions about the legitimacy of the Horseman's Calling Event).

Joining in with and belonging to horse groups and specific training methods can lead us to attend Tours, Demos, Events and Rallys where other like-minded disciples can hang out together... 

After all, there's safety in numbers and we can't all be wrong! Right?

It can also lead us to rise up, speak out and defend such a group against any criticism (valid or otherwise) but why? Why bother? Why get angry? Why spend time blogging, posting etc?

I think it has to be explained simply.  Amongst all our complex beliefs, personality factors and motives, a lot of the time humans (horsey or otherwise) have a need to be right.  We hate it when we are wrong, at home or work.  It's as if being right somehow validates who we are and in turn, our very existence.

If we stopped to think it through, I am sure we would have a quick private giggle at our own folly!  I don't know about you, but I'd rather be happy than right! I'd rather have a unique, real, connection with my horses than simply copy what someone else does!

So exactly what is the problem in defending something you believe in?  

Nothing on the face of it, except that history shows us it's danger when taken to its extreme and leads to violence, wars, civil unrest, oppression or revolution and cruelty to ones own kind.

Extremes occur when we lack balance. Balance often comes from perspective - a change of; a difference in; or a fresh one!

If we are to develop our awareness as humans to really connect with horses, then growth comes when we embrace our problems as agents for our growth.

So, instead of being furious about someone's criticisms of something you follow, why not be curious? Why not step back and think about what they see (even if we don't see it like that)?  Why not see it from another view point and THEN decide to poo poo it or not?  My mum always used to say...

"pass your exams first, then you can criticize the exam system"

Why should we step back and think before we attack or defend?

No one has to! It's always our choice.  But, if we continue to attempt to protect ourselves from the problem of others opinions not agreeing with our own, it can end up running your life.  Both the problem, and the pattern!  I have seen this in my own life but it took 35 years before I noticed!

Until I opened my eyes, I had been full time employed in the pursuit of proving my independence and my disdain for commitment or marriage -regardless of the views of others close to me.  I had my career and I pursued that with conviction - I had a ladder to climb!

I climbed that ladder but soon fell out of love with the view! Suddenly the very thing I had fought tooth and nail to defend, held no value and seemed rather silly in the grand scheme of life!

My fear of not being good enough, others knowing more than me, making bad decisions or simply getting it all 'wrong' had run my life and limited what I could see from the windows of my mind.

It's actually quite exhausting having to think about yourself all the time!  

The constant inner chitter chatter that rises up to make us attack another's view, or follow someone else without checking if it's still relevant, is usually born from fear.  An example of that fear might be anxiety around trust.  So, once we place our trust in Monty, Pat Parelli, Mark Rashid, Carolyn Resnick or Debbie Percy - we don't want to be exposed and have to go through the process of trusting, all over again.

We want to be right!  We want to be safe!  We need a Guarantee!

I soon realised that every time I was trying to make myself feel better (or right) it meant I wasn't ok inside!  When our psyche needs protecting,  we often seek false sanctuary with others, in a blessed place (aka the Demo or Tour).  Of course it provides no safety, the criticisms exist outside that space and are waiting for us on our return. 

Yet we don't have to devout our life to satisfying our psyche (inner chitter chatter)! A naturally healthy body and mind is one that just does what it's supposed to do while we go about our business.  The mind is supposed to come up with thoughts.  That includes questions.  It is intended to work with imagination and analysis.  Not just one instead of the other!  It is a computer, a tool. It is NOT us!

Our mind can be used to ponder great thoughts, solve scientific problems and serve humanity.  The good news is that there is no monopoly on how we can serve humanity or who knows best!  Our brains are capable of building on what others have created or invented before us, and taking that to the next level.  We are constantly evolving and this includes, our methods of training and how to "be" with our horses.

When we resist 'new', 'different' we resist this natural evolution.  It makes no sense to fear it. It's perfectly natural!

I believe that most of us in the horse world can live together side by side even when our minds fire off in different directions.  It is what's driving our hearts that unites us.  Perhaps it is time to start listening to our hearts before we start talking or attacking.  I know when I wrote my blog about the Horseman Calling Competition it was in my heart that felt I had to. I just used my head and brain to express what my heart was sensing! I tried to understand the goals, intention and process behind the event in order to know if it was calling me to attend it.

We may still not agree with one another when we listen to our hearts before our heads, but we might realise it's not worth fighting over, without first seeking to understand it further.  For me (with the Horseman Calling Event), I could not balance their focus on competition, tests and speed to back a two year old horse along side their mission of  'doing good for the horse'.  The latter resonated with my heart the former did not!  

Had I had more notice of the event happening I would have made contact with the organizers to ask some questions to deepen my understanding of the event, beyond what was on the website.  I am glad however that I had only the website to go on, as it helped me really think about what I was reading.  To improve our ability to read, listen, speak and actually notice what is being said (or not said) has to be a good thing if we are to wake up and take responsibility for what we do, who we join with and support.

Stephen Cover encourages in his Business Management books to ...

"seek first to understand; before being understood"

For over a decade I fought and resisted even looking into the work of Pat and Linda Parelli, believing it to be circus tricks and nothing more.  Two years ago that changed for me.  I have now worked with their approach, used it, found it to have value and limitations and consequences.  In summary I believe that as an approach:

- it has many positive aspects and useful learning to be shared that is of help and value for humans and horses 

- it is not however a panacea for all ills!  It is not THE way, nor the ONLY way, nor the RIGHT way.

It is simply ONE way!

The more 'enlightened' Parelli trainers know this.  They would agree.  They encourage owners to merge their approach with other ways.  To use the best from different methods and dump the rest!  That feels healthy to me.

I want to be respected by a trainer as someone with my own heart and head.  I am not a sheep and don't expect to be cast aside for not following a trainer's every whim and suggestion.  Nor do I expect to absorb what a trainer tells me as if it is gospel, because it just might not be!

When Essy spoke of Humans needing to become much more aware I wonder if he was trying to encourage us to go outside, go beyond the walls and windows of our mind to see what exists in the world beyond! Our heart can often help us in that endeavour.

I have had my best 'breakthrough' moments to escape my old limiting patterns when I have decided to lower the draw bridge and walls of my fortress. There's actually no need to continue to support, maintain or defend my fortress. My let go moments were often leaps of faith, where I followed my heart not by brain! (Just ask my husband)!!!

If you feel that more and more you are being pushed beyond your comfort zone (fortress walls) - celebrate! Every time something comes into your awareness that rocks your foundations of what you thought was right or true - be thankful!

If our horses are to be our Guides on our journey of 'waking up' we will experience these feelings more and more.  Every time we are tested, we have an opportunity to grow! That has to be 'for the good of our horses'.

Back to my question of do we want to be happy or right?  Life is going to change.  New things will happen and new opinions will appear.  The question is are we willing to be happy regardless of what happens?

Our life purpose is to enjoy life and learn from the experience.  To be happy we have to let go of melodrama.  After all, to keep things in perspective we are but a dot sitting on a planet that is floating in an empty space in a universe that goes on forever!

Does it really affect you, what I, or anyone else says unless you decide to let it?

If we are going to be here, we may as well be happy and accepting of others and their points of view. 

If we make our happiness conditional upon what others say and do, we are in real trouble! 

If we suddenly found out our hero or guru was a fraud where would that leave us?  Our core would be rocked. This is dangerous.  An antidote relys on us deliberately paying close attention to the work of gurus or experts, especially amongst any claims of the Messiah amidst us, because it matters to do so!  

With gurus and ourselves for that matter, it's not what we are doing or supporting, but how much of us is doing it!  It needs to be our whole self: body, mind, heart and soul, being present, awake, aware and accepting.

Sometimes when we discover we had been following a fraud its because they don't walk their talk 24 x 7, and we haven't being paying attention!  The clues are usually there if we are open minded enough to notice!

Putting people up on a pedestal is a risky business; there's typically one way for them to go! Being open to someone else's different perspective can help us avoid looking like a right burk later on if we've blindly following something/someone like an idol, only to find out their full transparency left something to be desired.

It is scarcity that makes things valuable or precious.  

Natural horse ways are still practiced in the minority by horse people,  but anyone calling for us to be even more in tune with the meaning of 'natural' (as we know it thus far) is a friend not a foe!  Even if their perspective seems at odds with ours or sits uncomfortably with us.  Think of Monty Roberts and how long it took for him to be accepted and not ridiculed or condemned!  

As I believe horse people share a common heart felt desire to help horses, maybe future Natural Horse Gatherings will sound more like...

Hearts calling, not Horseman calling! 

Meanwhile, why not get the most out of this life and be able to give back to our horses the best we can, from a range of options out there, following our heart, respecting our head, but not blinded by loyalty or fear!

Besides being right all the time, must be quite boring after a while?!

Saying Something No Body Else is Willing To Say!

I was 10 years old when I realised I am drawn to things that are a bit 'different'!...

...I was at a friends house, my mother came to collect me. Before leaving, my friends mother, who had been making cuddly toy lions to sell for a charity, asked me if I would like one.  I smiled and said I did.  She asked me to select one, my own mother watching over me.  I chose a delicious chocolate brown lion, with bright orange mane and tail.  My mother instantly took it off me and told me to take a sandy coloured lion as that was what lions looked like - unlike the one I had selected.

I got my chocolate coloured lion and still remember the moment now, 39 years on, of saying back to my mum "but I don't want a lion that looks like a lion, I want this one - it's different".

This is my inspiration today.   It hit me like a brick!  The timing rides on the back of last week's Horseman calling competition in the UK.  It relates very well as a follow on to my post called Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil.

What' my point? It is this... We can go through life with our head in the sand, pretending things don't exist, or we can stretch up tall, look around and see what is really going on around us. 

I choose to stretch up tall. I chose to be different or at least if I see things in a different light from others, I'll voice what I see.  Knowing myself as I do, this will only happen when its connected to something I love, and feel passionately about. 

Last weekend's post was read (at the time of writing this post), by 186 people.  The highest readership of any of my posts yet.  I wondered why?

I was curious and so I went to look at the status update I made on the face book page that was advertising the Horseman Calling Event, to see what kind of reaction my comment there had created, if any.  Would that explain the surge of readers?

Below are the comments on the Event's Facebook page, including my comment:

This is what I wrote:
Debbie Percy Your agenda and descriptive text sounds too much like the horse is being used as "servant" to its human "masters" - so much focus on technique, methods and competition doesn't boost my confidence that its a learning event, instead it feels more like a money and ego boosting opportunity. Personally, I'm struggling to see where the "good of the horse" bit is addressed and how that claim can be made. Debbie at jigsawequine ltd.

In response someone else wrote:
I don't know who Debbie Percy is but were you at the event? I don't really like your comment being on my post,i don't agree with you so please take it off and put it on your own post. None of the horse/ponies at the event were "servants". It was a brilliant event and if all horses could be started this way we would have a lot of happy horses and owners.

Someone else then wrote:
I was at this even with 3 of my horses, If you had been there Debbie you would realise, that what you have written is the biggest load of tosh.

(That was the end of the comments.  Not an outpouring by any stretch of the imagination and not enough to explain 186 post readings).


I have never been afraid of feedback or criticism. If you dish it out you have to be willing to receive it back - well founded or otherwise.  I decided not to reply to these comments on face book either word for word or sentiment by sentiment.  I'd had my say and now wished to move on.

Except.... one thing in particular got me thinking,  it was the words:

 "I don't know who Debbie Percy is"....   

In those few chosen words lies fear.  It's as if we think today, that a person has to  "BE SOMEONE" in order to voice an opinion!  Such thinking doesn't reflect a democracy, a modern century, or freedom of speech.  But deeper than that it is a sad reflection of how fearful people can be.  

It seems that someone (me in this case) dares to be critical of something and because I don't carry fame, fortune or a book or horse gadget to my name, to legitimise my view,  I don't exist.  My view isn't welcome.  I simply don't have the right! 

Now that is the language of FEAR if ever I heard it!

It would have been easy to react and post a reply defending myself, my position or rights as a free citizen of the UK!  (See how pompous that sounds - because it is)!  Inspiration rarely comes from a place of self protection or attack and nor do followers or converts! 

What I'm learning is that when you read something like the above and get a strange energy rise inside you - its usually a signal that it's time to grow for YOU,  and not to react as you might if on auto-pilot! 

By defending ourselves or justifying our actions we legitimise those very feelings of being attacked as having a role to play in our psyche.  Then they take root and stay put!  It's as if we give them a 'part to play' in our own life script.  Once we do that - they'll keep coming to the surface looking for their cue! If we don't want such thoughts in our script - we have to learn to let go! 

Terms like "freeing ourselves" from our thoughts are banded about but for me, it's  more about trying to harness my energy, thoughts and feelings and stopping them from scattering - so I can be a bit more centred and grounded.   There's no moral high ground at play here, just a desire to live a more simple, easy, fun and honest life. So that I can figure out what is really important to me and those I care about.

As an illustration, do you ever find yourself being somewhat 'melodramatic'?  I can slip into it easily!  Getting on my high horse (above) about democracy, 21st century, human rights are all examples of self created, self inflicted 'diva drama'!  If I had responded to the facebook conversation from that place of thinking I'd now be in a ping pong battle of comments with people I don't even know!  To what end or good?

- How will that  'do good for the horse' or anyone else who wishes to voice a point of view and be heard?

 
I think many of us tend to spend our lives either trying to figure out how to keep things from happening (being unpopular, ignored, isolated etc), or, we are trying to figure out what to do because they did happen!  Seems almost funny when you think about it like that!

Hopefully, what is actually happening for more and more people is that these moments that test us, are just situations pushing us to the edges of our own envelope! Once we reach the edge we can work on going beyond that barrier, remove or unblock it and whatever caused it.

Typically, those things that are blocked and buried are the root of our fear!

So where does this fear come from? What can we do to be free of it?

It's source is our psyche - and its only in their because of our past experiences and resulting beliefs that are now well formed within us. 

Spotting our own fear rising up from inside us has to be a good starting point if we want to ultimately expel it.  

How do we do this?  So, next time you or I read anything about horse care/management that fires up a reaction in us, ponder the following....

• Does it make you want to stop the author/originator from ever doing/saying it again?
• Do you want to defend yourself, your position, your knowledge?
• Do you feel the need to protect yourself in some way?
• Do you do whatever you can to stop feeling 'stirred up' by them/their comment?

This is fear!

These are some of the signals you can listen out for.   It suggests the fear is trapped inside of us.

The good news is that we all have the means and opportunity to let it go once we realise it is there.  Every time we come across someone who is radical, a bit 'left field' or 'out with the fairies' maybe they aren't!  May be they are a paradigm shift - a gift, in front of you inviting you in.  Once we are willing to take a peak and not punish that person, we might find a new way to live - without fear and without being trapped by unhelpful reactions to the new or different, much like my chocolate lion!

At the end of the day, so many people who have horses in their care, really do want to do the best for them.  Most of us just don't know yet what that is, who to believe and which way is North amidst the choices and extremism.

My advise is not to follow!  NOT to be part of the norms or fashion fad of the moment.  Think before hanging out with people who are quick to attack, defend, justify, position or punish others for simply expressing a point of view.  We might find something to agree with them about if we stop long enough to listen, and that usually entails a whole body experience! 

Put more eloquently and in more detail, from a first hand birds eye view point is this write up from EponaTV.  

As Winston Churchill once said: