Strange Affairs of the Heart

Is it synchronicity or just a lucky coincidence when you find out one morning that one of your beloved horses has a heart issue, then later that day, you randomly grab a book to read on route to the train station, to find it's all about the heart, energy, chi, love and awareness?

The "untethered soul" appeared today just when I needed it.  It helped me shift from devastated and fearful to hopeful and strangely calm.

I have decided that Solar Sue's heart condition will be treated with healing, love, and visualisations to help her release whatever it is that needs to be cleared.   I must be honest, I don't yet know what is her 'condition'.  All I know is that on Monday when I booked my vet to take her bloods (to find out if there was some underlying cause of her weight loss) he found an abnormality in her heart beat.  I listened too, and it scared me to death!

Between Solar Sue and Essy I am finally coming to a conclusion that their 'illnesses' which seem always to break the norms according to the vets, is a message for me!  I seem to be on a journey with them to either learn a lot about non-veterinary methods, or learn the wonder of miracles and a horses ability to nudge back towards health.  The concept of 'less is more' is at the forefront of my mind and could be applied to many aspects of my life not just my horses health.

At the heart of this new sense of  'direction', captured I hope through Essy's Blog, is a foundation stone of self-healing, trust, waking up, peacefulness, acceptance and gratitude. I don't have a handy label for all that but maybe in time one will come (if needed).

Here's what I was reminded of as I read two chapters of the Untethered Soul on the train on Monday:

We live with a certain amount of fear - that's normal.  Fear generated from our thoughts and feelings.

We know that when certain things happen our fears can be triggered and flare up.

We get  totally absorbed in our inner world of thoughts and feelings that we end up living life on 'auto-pilot' ( a subject of previous posts on this blog).

Our thoughts, beliefs, memories - all require energy,  to create them, store them, re-live and re-play them.

This inner energy doesn't come from food, diet, or sleep - it comes from being in love, being afraid as examples. 

It is internal within us, which means it is available to us anytime, anyplace.

So far so good, but what does all this mean?  Why did this calm me down about Solars heart?

What if we all have the ability to open or block access to this inner source of energy?  What if, we block it every time we close our heart or our mind?  What if every time we deny our instincts, our passions, our desires, we are shutting up shop, so to speak?  Over time would you expect your heart to be strong, youthful, healthy?

When Margrit visited Essy on March 1st  this year, (one year after they first met) one of the first things he told her was 'how Solar's energy had returned'.  What if most of last year when Solar had not been fully herself - her heart was closed, hence her energy down?  

How would I have recognised the symptoms?  How would I have known this was going on inside her? What could I have done?

I think that until we are ready to face the answers to these questions, the only answer available to us is ... "we can't"... not yet!

For example, as a comparison with last year - I only recently (2 weeks ago) purchased  The Untethered Soul.  Last year my blog was not where it is today in terms of its messages of awakening.  Last year I didn't have the results for Essy's nose bleeds and didn't know that we would be heading into a land where the vets can't actually treat his hematoma,  leaving me with no choice (other than doing nothing), than to pursue non veterinary prescribed routes.

None of this was in my reality.  I couldn't have answered any 'what if' questions at that stage.

To return to Solar Sue and her heart.  Last summer I was worried about Solar - her weight fell off, she stopped eating hay, she was quiet and stood by the gate during the day.  She would nicker deeply into my stomach when I walked at her side - like a protective brood mare to her foal, which made no sense to me at all.

Then when we moved yards in October 2013, she seemed to bounce back to life.  She has been perky, active, full of life and her coat has gleamed all winter.  Her eye is sparkly and only her weight loss has been a worry.   I hope I can be forgiven for thinking we were 'getting back on track'.

So, to return to the thoughts that spoke to me from the book I grabbed, I began to question what is the link between our minds, our hearts and this inner energy source?  I'll try to explain...

We are blocked when we are depressed.

We are open when we are happy.

We are blocked when we are afraid.

We are open when we are in love.

When happy or in love we tend to feel in a good mood, almost constantly!  We are trusting towards others, we even reveal our vulnerabilities to them. However, as soon as the romance or happy glow wares off because something bad happens, or our lover says something unkind, we begin to be on guard.  We begin to withdraw or hold back.  We wait.  We self protect.  This feeling and our subsequent behaviours can deepen rapidly as we begin to notice other things that upset us, hurt us or sadden us.  Suddenly all we notice is the rubbish stuff in life, all around us, wherever we look, and we feel fed up, tired, disengaged and demotivated. Now, even getting out of bed can feel like an effort, 'why bother', we ask ourselves?

This is what can happen when we close our mind to a person, object, situation, place or possibility, and our heart and energy follow accordingly.   For some, it could become an easy comfortable and familiar place to rest a while! Perhaps Solar found herself in such a place last year, for whatever reason.

Equally, one great hack on our horse, one smile from a handsome stranger, one piece of unexpected good news and we begin to feel ourselves bounce back!  We get a smile back on our face, we expect a car parking space to open up for us and it does, and life is good again!

No magic pills, diet or vaccination - mind, heart and energy all begin to open back up or close down, based on our thoughts and feelings.

From Yoga we know that the heart is an energy centre or chakra. Who is to say that our horses don't experience a similar cycle of thoughts, feelings, and energy surge or slip?  A closed heart and low energy could easily result from depression, anxiety, physical pain, abuse, containment, loneliness, overwork,  etc. 

Is that possible in a horse? I believe so.  

Is it probable?  Why ever not? 

After all aren't horses supposed to be even more sensitive that us humans?

They are more finely tuned to nature, their five senses are more powerful, they have a physicality that is tuned into every aspect of nature not just what they can see or hear or smell or touch?  They sense our moods, our thoughts, our fears.  They pick up on our heart beat, any source of disease and emotional upset.  Hardly the characteristics of hardened beast of burden and nothing more!

From Solar's visit with Margrit 12 months ago, there were things that suggested she felt a sense of loss for horse friends she is no longer in touch with.  A sense of dependence upon others in her life to stay in her life.  In my words ' a sensitive soul living for love'.

As I reflect on the last 12 months, she has had the least of my time, energy and attention.  Both Essy and Grace had health issues last year from May onwards.

Now, it is her time and she has waited long enough.

I do believe that 'you have to be the change you want to see' and the Untethered Soul has helped encourage me to question where I might need to focus my attention, thoughts, feelings and energy in order to help Solar.  Specifically I wondered: 

'how much love do I want Solar to feel from me?' 

 Answer: Masses!  All the love I can muster, so I must be conscious of that.

'how much am I giving off an energy that says to her, I am enjoying life, you can too?' 

Answer:  I have good days and bad days - so I need to be aware of which it is when around her!

'how much JOY do I show her I am feeling when I'm in her company?'

Answer: I've not actually thought about it like that, till now!

Bottom line  is that to feel love, enthusiasm, joy etc. or not, is a choice we all have. We can decide to be open or elect to be closed.  We just don't know we have this choice or that it is so simple!  We aren't taught it.  We don't stop to think about it and when we do it's either too simplistic to be credible or too deep to fathom! 

For Solar Sue, while I wait for veterinary input into a possible diagnosis, prognosis etc of her heart problem, I have decided to CHOOSE to be OPEN.  I have begun to offer her Bergamot and Rose Otto essential oils, I have sat quietly in a meditative pose in her stable to visualise her heart and energy opening, and clearing.  I have worked with the red light on her heart meridian and ordered specific herbs for her heart - arriving on Monday.

... (I had to do something)!

As I've assembled my oils, light and myself for an evening 'healing' session with her (that's my term for it) she has stood at liberty, breathing deeply, eyes closing.  Two nights ago she kept turning her head into my tummy and doing her soft, deep nicker from last year, that I still don't understand but which moved me to tears.  

The bond of love a human can feel towards a horse is utterly without word or expression, but somehow tears seem to capture it well.

I do believe that together she and I are doing some good for her future and beginning to heal whatever needs to be healed and clear whatever needs to be cleared. I have a feeling I have more to learn and my horses will be showing me the way. As we take that road to 'I don't know where' I want to give Solar new positive impressions for her heart to balance against any stored up old indentations that she may be holding onto.

Please wish us luck on the way!

A quote from The Untethered Soul:

"Unending inspiration, unending love, and unending openness. 

That is the natural state of a healthy heart"  

 

Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil ... can lead to some wrong choices!

Think about what we say, read and do and all those times were being silent or doing nothing won't be of help and won't lead to an improvement!

It is easy to be critical.  It is also easy to read something without paying any attention to what is actually written.   This can result in us getting swept along in a tide of attractive words to suddenly find ourselves way out of our depth or lost at sea, heading the wrong way!

What am I talking about?   This post is my own 'wake up' call to read materials carefully and to really consider what is being said and sometimes more importantly what is NOT being said, but SHOULD be said!

This post is about words, how easily we use them and how carelessly we read them.  It has been prompted by a  Face book page I came across this week, promoting a Natural Horsemanship Competition taking place in the UK, this weekend.  It's called Horseman's Calling. It's strap line (which I assume, like all marketing strap lines are meant to be, is a claim, benefit or intention) in this case reads.... "For the Good of the Horse".

I went onto their website page to find out more about the event.  As I read the description on the "About us" page, I began to question if what I was reading was providing me with compelling evidence that the event would be 'living' up to its' strap line, and if so,  exactly how?

My conclusion was no! Here's why:

I don't believe the event is selling what it advertises in terms of being "for the good of the horse".  

I do believe it has the intention of bringing together people interested in the terms 'Natural Horsemanship'.  

I fear it may deliver a single minded, and already out of date view of what 'natural horsemanship' is and can be.

To me it just isn't selling what it advertises, in fact the horse and what's good for it, hardly seems to feature.  

   

I will now be very boring and spell out exactly how I came to this conclusion. 

Below are several sentences taken from the Event website.  I have written down at the side of each one, the questions or disagreements it raised or posed for me as I read them.

As you read the statements, do you see what I see, or do you see something else?  I have no idea if my reactions are correct.  Sadly, I couldn't attend the event to find out first hand, as I've not been free this weekend to go.

In general, I believe it is often more honourable to criticise something when you've been, seen, heard and actually experienced it for yourself, so I did not publish this post BEFORE the event took place as that seemed a little unfair, and I have no desire to rain on their parade, just to help us open our eyes and think about what events like this are really offering and actually presenting us with.

The opening text form the landing page of Horseman's Calling reads:

"Horseman's Calling is a unique competition and test of horsemanship skills, plus an amazing series of demonstrations, aiming to provide education and entertainment. Run over two days the competition is the ultimate test of natural horsemanship".

Our planet is full of examples in nature of animals competing against one another for food, mates and survival.  Humans too fight for wealth, dominance, power, love, a mate, religion, beliefs, freedom etc,.  So the words Natural and Competition in the same sentence easily go unnoticed as we read these words whilst on 'auto-pilot'.  We recognise the words, their existence in life today and thereby we accept their presence in the same sentence.  We read them and our inner voice goes .. "oh yeah, ok, sounds great", without any thought to the meaning of what's really being said.

People say 'the devil is in the detail' so the table below outlines 14 sentences on the Event website that I believe contradict the event being about "the good of the horse".  Here they are:

“A unique competition and test of horsemanship skills…”	Do horsemanship have to be about ‘skills’ and ‘tests’? Haven’t we evolved beyond that by now?  Why can’t we learn a skill, observe it in action, teach it to others and advance it without  tests which creates winners and losers, competition and comparison?
	Surely every time we seek to test and prove ourselves, to someone,  we are being driven and trapped into behaviours that our ego desires, fuelled by needs such as showing off, achieving recognition,  fame, fortune or at least a few fans to boost our damaged self esteem!
	I wonder if this sentence fits within the definition of horsemanship?  Penn State College of Agricultural Science believe it to be about (and I quote) "a planned progression of horse handling and riding skills, with an emphasis on safety and eduction, not competition"!
"Aiming to provide an education and entertainment..."	This brings to mind images of clowns throwing custard pies! Putting education and entertainment together feels a little disrespectful.  I see nothing wrong in having some fun as we learn but it doesn't say that.
"The ultimate test of natural horsemanship..."	That's a big claim! It's also very limiting.  Is it suggesting that there can be no greater test?  That has to assume we have learnt all there is to learn right? Wrong! We've only just begun our journey with the horse in relative terms of how much we actually know and perceive.
	I have no idea what legitimate role 'tests' have in the arena of natural horsemanship.  We don't test women for natural childbirth - can you imagine "sorry love that bit when you stopped breathing - can you do it again but this time..." or "good effort; better luck next time" or "sorry, baby has to go back in you didn't pass on this occasion"!!
	The only people who love 'tests' are the ones who come up with them, or the cocky sods who think they'll pass! As if life is about passing MAN MADE tests!
"extra twists to challenge the trainers"	Is this about for the 'Good of the horse' or a game of Indiana Jones?  So far, the horse, his well being, his spirit or nature hasn't been mentioned.  Yet I thought that was at the heart of natural horsemanship.
	My inherent dislike for 'challenging trainers' is that it encourages the ego.  It's promotes nothing more than a game of who is better or the best. When in the moment of a challenge, not many people can step back, observe, think new thoughts, break new ground and listen.  Most resort to 'technique-ing' their way out of the situation.  This is not promoting the future of the industry or the horse.  We need to be careful of such habits.
"this.... event will be presented by industry experts"	Interesting appearance of the word 'industry'.  I'm not sure I want to think of my relationship with my horse as an 'industry'.
	Anyway, who are these 'experts' and who appointed them as such? What criteria was used in that decision making process?  How transparent are we being here about the heroes and gurus pro porting to be experts?
	Industry is about goods and services, and charging for them. If there really is an industry for Natural Horsemanship - what would it say on the tin? I hope making money and selling the event isn't the primary focus here! If we do want an 'industry' behind us then let's hope it's first role is to set some standards and governance in place so that gurus aren't simply those with magnetic smiles and lots of war stories!
	Substance not form is what we need in the horse world.  We have enough gadgets and training methods, which fit beautifully into an industry but not into developing inter species relationships (in my view).
"...we hope to grow... and involve as many different countries, trainers and methods..."	This suggests the event is about people more than horses.  About training not understanding. About methods not an experience!  I'd have felt it was more in line with it's promise (strap line) if it has said something like: "we hope to grow our understanding of the nature of horses, by working with horses of all backgrounds, sizes, types and ages, so that through a joint experience and observation, we can collectively leave with a desire to continue to learn about, and not assume we know best, when it comes to our horses' needs".

“…we hope to grow…. and involve as many different countries, trainers and methods…”	In my experience different trainers and methods tend to contradict one another, -       I am worried that 'different trainers' could end up with nothing more than a variety of chaps, belts, tassel's, accents and silly hats - each with a book to flog, leaving the audience confused about the best way with their horse!
“…well known established trainers the chance to show and prove their skills…”	-     What does the audience get out of this? Where is the focus on stepping out of existing comfort zones and exploring new terrain?  To take our thoughts and understanding beyond where it is today is surely how we’ll get closer to ‘the good of the horse’! -     I don’t warm to horse events that focus on the human proving something about what they can ‘do’ with or to a horse, versus what the human is learning, and what the horse's experience of it all is like. -      Wouldn’t it be wonderful if an audience of a couple of hundred spent a half-day quietly observing horses in nature, in a pasture, being horses, and then contemplating and discussing what they noticed and how that could advance our thinking about them ‘for the good of the horse’?
“…all for the good of the horse…”	-     140 words into the website and 10 lines down before we see mention of the event being about the "good of the horse".  Why doesn’t this (its’ apparent focus) feature earlier and lead the entire event description? -      So far, it’s not been a feature and as a result I still don’t know how it’s going to be achieved.
“…be tasked with starting two young horses…”	The word ‘tasked’ is interesting.  It can conjure up an expectation of ‘doing’ ‘trying’ ‘effort’ ‘accomplishing’.  Is that how we want to describe ‘natural horsemanship’?    -      Surely Natural Horsemanship should have at its core – words like ease, effortless, simple, honest, pure, comfort etc.? -     If we see things as tasks we’ll only ever try to ‘get them done’ and a relationship with a horse isn’t something we can tick (or check) off on our daily list of ‘to do’s’.   -
“… challenges devised to showcase the talents of the trainer...”	-      I’d like to watch trainers learning about a horse, not applying their particular method.  You see if we each have a hammer, we go around looking for a nail!   I’m interested in developing my own ability to learn about horses, unlearn some knowledge I may carry that is flawed, and be able to apply the art of learning into new situations with horses. A given gadget or method simply won’t work all of the time with all of the horses and for all of the people. -      How many of us will get long lasting value by watching someone do his or her ‘pre-determined’ thing?  When others do that, how ‘in the moment’ are they?  Are they awake, listening to the horse in front of them in that moment?  Some might be but many wont’ as they are too focused on what comes next in their process!  I fear that well-known horsemen are under pressure to stick fiercely to their process or system as that’s what the crowds have come to see!  Where is the focus on the horse in that dynamic?
“Don’t miss your chance to witness the ultimate natural horsemanship…”	-     That’s a strong claim!  It feels arrogant because I hope that we are not yet at the pinnacle of all our knowledge about horses and horsemanship. I suspect we are only at the beginning.  We have so much more to learn.  Much more learning and un-learning to realise!  To think otherwise is arrogant, boring and uninspiring (to me)!
“…who will rise to the challenge…”	-      These are words that are full of comparison and competition.  i.e. Ego driven.  It is the subliminal language of winners and losers.  I suspect the real losers could be the horses even those in the hands of the winners! -      It’s hard to learn, grow and advance when you are put into a competition mode. If the trainers aren't there to learn - they won't be present.  If they aren't present they are unlikely to be connected with, and focused on the horse. Be definition the real challenge is lost.
“Each individual trainer or clinician works with the horses' welfare”	-      This is the first and only time the words ‘horses’ welfare’ appear and it is 3 sentences from the end, not the beginning! It can’t be the real focus therefore. -     I am curious about why the word ‘clinician’, which has suddenly appeared and I presume is to add some claim of status, legitimacy or authority to the event. A clinician “is a health care practitioner that works as a primary care giver of a patient in either a hospital setting, pre-hospital setting, clinic setting…” Is that relevant here? Is that really what they wanted to say?   Ironically, maybe it is. Many domesticated horse are already 'hospitalized' (metaphorically speaking), on box/bed rest, with limited choice of diet, pulled, prodded and probed by others without choice. If that is part of our reality today, with our horses, what a great opportunity to open our eyes to that and to collectively, without judgement, seek ways to change it? -

Bottom line I think the text has been written very well by a wonderfully energetic, enthusiastic wordsmith.  However, it has not been written to target an audience of sentient beings who have a deep understanding of the needs of a horse or a passion to further that understanding. 

In my opinion, it has not been written with an agenda that actually delivers on it's promise "for the good of the horse".  It is teaming with language that focuses on humans, not horses.  On tests, challenges, twists and other clever sounding words that detract from learning, understanding, compassion, connection and relationship building.

To me, it is not written with a connection to 'natural horsemanship' or at least my view of what natural horsemanship could be about if we allowed ourselves (all of us) to imagine we can think beyond today's modern thinkers.

It could have been written by anyone. So I imagine 'anyone' will attend.  Their motives for doing so?  I don't know.  Boredom, somewhere to go, to be entertained without responsibility?  Any of the above are cruel sounding and yet probable and possible.

That's the wonderful thing about paying attention to language and words, written or spoken - it can open up so many more conscious choices for us, raise questions and help us to think about our expectations.  Ultimately, this enables us to make better decisions and use our precious time and money wisely!

Rather than be a total kill joy, my motive behind this post is about wanting to take more responsibility for the things I follow, ensuring it really is doing what it pro ports to do so that I, for one, can get better at supporting people, ideas and events that really are...

doing "Good for the Horse!"

Is there a Shakespeare moment in your daily horse routine?

"To thine own self be true"  -  Polonius, Hamlet Act 1

 

What a fabulous day with a bunch of teenagers, some horses, and a few committed good souls - keen to bring Hamlet's words to life.

Despite the foggy start to this 1st morning in April, 12 youngsters aged 14-16 listened carefully to their safety briefing on 'being around horses'.  For some this would be their first interaction with a horse. 

Armed with only coats and their thoughts, they entered the indoor arena and met the horse who would be their companion, teacher and "Polonius" for the next hour and a half.

It was a privilege to watch young women and men,  blossom in the heart of a new experience.  It was fascinating to hear their teacher comment on how different they were (positively so), compared to back at school!

I already believed that having an education and a thirst for knowledge is important.  I also know that academic conquests are not the bee all and end all and that some of us have gifts and abilities in vocational areas.  Today was testimony to both my beliefs.  Thirdly, it drew a lucid illustration of the importance of "experience" in learning, and of our accountability for what we learn, not just for learning sake, but for how it shapes who we are.

I watched young men drop their mask of 'bravado' and admit confusion and reveal their vulnerability when facing failure.  I watched a quiet, invisible young woman grow in confidence and presence before us, with a smile so bright it would break up any foggy disposition.

I heard 'tough' teenagers admit how 'soft' a horse felt with astonishment in their voice as they pondered on the contradiction of how half a tonne of power could also be soft!  

I heard the quiet, surprised whispers of 'this is fun' as if it was an offence to utter such words, normally so common place coming from one so young. Clearly it was not common place for this youngster.

One young adult at the end of the day remarked on how the day had reminded her of her childhood!  Since when did a teenager have perspective of their childhood being a thing of the past, and why?

In 90 minutes the presence of a horse taught these guys so much, here's an illustration of what I heard them identify as things they had learnt:-

-The importance of having a plan, if you want another to follow.

-The role of limiting beliefs and how they impact the results we get.

-How saying we want to do something isn't the same as believing we can!

-How purpose is important as something to see, have, feel and demonstrate.

-How uncertain things become when we lack trust.

-How easy it is to enable others to follow simply by having our minds set on where we are going.

-The role of communication when working as a team with a common purpose.

It takes a lot to silence me.  I'm not often quiet and I'm less often in a situation where I take a backseat.  Usually I'm up front, leading, facilitating, teaching in some way.  Today I was not,  and I am grateful because it allowed me to observe some remarkable moments, here's one another I witnessed:

....a young man presumably about 15 or 16 himself, got angry and frustrated when working with their horse and the rest of his group, allegedly as a team.   The exercise did not go to plan.  The horse did not complete the task they were set.  The young man's reaction was anger, and blame - turned towards his fellow team mates. Before the facilitator could say a word,  in a nanosecond, the teenager called out his own behaviour and said "I'm blaming everyone else which probably isn't right as I was probably not doing something right myself"!

Now, I don't know about you, but I rarely find a 40 year old 'grown up' with such self insight and humility, never mind a teenager.  This young man hasn't been on leadership or self awareness courses.  He's had no sliver spoon in his life, no consistent 'life lessons' demonstrated by balanced parents and solid role models.  In fact one parent has been absent most of his life.  This was a youngster who has probably had to fight his way to survive thus far, on a daily basis, yet who can 'self coach' and take accountability for his feelings and deeds, in the heat of a moment.

There were other memorable moments too, including the 'wrap up' on the day which involved a poignant demonstration of how 'what happens to us in life' doesn't in any way devalue us, and who we are - back to Hamlet!

It's no wonder that people want to continue to develop how we work with horses for the benefit of others.  To help others interact in a new way with a living being.  To learn to reflect, analyse ones own contribution to a situation and to have fun while doing all the above.

Before today, I've been holding back from enlisting myself to get involved in such programmes, unsure of the ethics of it from the horse's perspective.  For this group and other similarly deserving audiences I am now converted.  I can see what a powerful role the horse can play.  I can see the very 'set up' is full of mutual respect, equality and a healthy dose of safety, for everyone; ethics I'm happy to endorse.

Yet probably the biggest shock of the day, was to see the surprise on the young peoples faces when the facilitator explained how much they had achieved in the day.  

You see, by the end of 90 minutes these 'kids' were leading their horses around in shapes and through obstacles at liberty.  No ropes, no pulling, pushing, tugging or clicking.  The facilitator remarked (accurately so in my experience) how very RARE it is for 'horsey people' to be able to achieve at liberty work with their horse.  How unusual it is for horse people to abandon riding in favour of some ground time and bonding with their horse.   It seems for our young people in a day full of experience, sensory input and conceptual learning, this was the biggest surprise of all!  

Isn't that a pity for horses everywhere?  Shame on us 'horsey people' for denying ourselves such a learning opportunity.  

If your parent said to you "to thine own self be true" - would you know which 'you' to be true to (see earlier blog: A Legacy of Sunshine or Clouds)?   Would you know which mask is the real you? I believe these teenagers I met today have been given an invaluable golden nugget in figuring out 'who they are' and who they can still become.  

Days like today could earn their rightful place in any countries mainstream compulsory Education System, at least in my opinion.  If that doesn't catch on,  then I hope it can at least become compulsory for all horse owners in the future.